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The antisocial PD was diagnosed about 30 or so years ago. I am her carer and all of my life she has been an abuser to me and my father (now passed). As some say it is not her just the illness. I've done lots of reading and everything else about it. It has taken 7 years of work. I feel lucky to have empathy and although l can't love her and she can't love me l do have compassion for her. I think it is interesting that her narsisstic personality is still predominant.

Narcissism seems to get worse as they age. I don't know why but it does. I feel your pain, and understand what you are going through.

All of us with narssasistic parents, need to do one of 2 things, either walk away, or limit are time as much as we can. It's near impossible to keep are mental health and caregive a narssasist parent at the same time.
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Anxietynacy Jan 5, 2025
I just realized this is a November post.
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I don't know what my mother's PD would be as she was never diagnosed, but I know it's there. And I do find it very interesting that her underlying "real" personality is fully there. I keep saying, "This is mom with all the filters turned off and the volume turned up to 11."

I can't deal with her. At all. Pig headed as all get out, selfish to her absolute core. Manipulative x 100. Emotional blackmail, gaslighting, lying, you name it...it's all there only she used to know when to turn it off.
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Yes, this was true with my mother until the very end. Then she suddenly became very happy and delusional after an entire lifetime of being miserable and complaining.
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What was stunning was Mom could not understand the need to shower . But she could still spin a fairly complex manipulative plan , although she could no longer always successfully execute it .
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mommabeans Jan 5, 2025
This! My mom could figure out that if she broke her glasses it would force me to have to go get her some readers from the drug store where they sell the cough drops I was refusing to go get her because I was sick. But cannot remember that she physically can't climb stairs so there is no way she could ever live with me.
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I can spot a personality disorder a mile away. It takes about a couple of weeks with a client before their personality starts up. With a psychopathic personality, they will start up right away with the manipulation, threats and verbal abuse. With other personality types it may be a gradual thing. I've had those types as well.

I'm a firm believer that the personality isn't altered with dementia, but with the cognition changes, it's like a personality disorder on steroids. Its like the filter melts away leaving the personality in full blast. I usually get away from those cases asap! These people tend to be a danger to themselves and others.
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My mother had Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosed a few years before her vascular dementia was diagnosed. Definitely the BPD remained till the end.
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lealonnie1 Nov 23, 2024
I'm certain my mother had BPD as well, undiagnosed of course. My theory is that folks with personality disorders and mental health issues are very likely to develop dementia as they age.
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I have a dark theory that many don't like.

My stance is dementia does not alter the core personality it just removes the filter that allowed them to mask it for all the years or It just turns the person they already were up to an 11.
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AlvaDeer Nov 23, 2024
For certain the stops are pulled with dementia patients. Disinhibition is a known thing. What was once a thought is now said aloud. I think I see a touch of it in myself, hee hee.
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I think you are correct, that in so far as the real personality survives, it is somewhat intact. I will say however, esp. with disorders that have to do with many small infarct in the brain there can be complete personality turn-arounds, with a sweetheart going nasty and a nasty one going nice. Odd as that seems. I think you are right likely 70% of the time, however.
I admire your attitude and your ability to accept. Honestly, acceptance with a dollop of humor is the only saving grace in these things. I hope you will stick around as you've a lot to help others with here!
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