My mom lives with me but everyday she tells me she wants to go home. I’ve explained to her that she is home but as the day goes on she becomes very angry like she’s being held captive. I’ve tried redirecting her but it doesn’t work. She gets quite upset with me and I don’t know how to fix this. Please help!
Stop “explaining”.
It frustrates her and wastes your time. You need to stay with what she says, and provide a response that soothes her IN THE MOMENT.
“We can’t leave yet. I’m waiting for a phone call.” “They’re painting the floor. We can’t get in today”. “There’s a bad storm expected there. We have to wait until tomorrow.”
These are not lies or fibs. Instead, they are the best attempt you have to comfort her in her longing for something she remembers, but cannot return to.
It is very likely that her descent into dementia has not happened recently, but has proceeded for some time. You may want to address her anger and frustration with her medical specialist. Sometimes a mild dose of mood stabilizer or relaxing medicine or antidepressant can provide more peace to both patient AND the caregiver.
Don’t neglect yourself, if/when your mother’s care becomes more difficult. You are an important part of her care “team” and neglecting yourself is NOT making her situation better.
Hope this helps!
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/19/sundowners-syndrome
All you can do is reassure her that this is her home now, and if need be, walk away before she starts to get angry.
Or you can use a "fiblet" and tell her that her home needs lots of work and it will be a while before it will be ready for her to live in, or whatever other story you can come up with.
One of the ladies in our local caregivers support groups husband, was driving her crazy about wanting to go home. At first she would put him in their car and drive him around for a bit, and then as they were pulling into the driveway, she would proclaim that they were home now, and he would seem to be content with that. But after a while, that no longer worked, so she had to come up with little "fiblets" about his "home."
It's wearing, I'm sure, but sadly there is no "fixing it." Just remember that people with dementia tend to mirror our moods and attitudes, so when she gets angry, make sure you're staying calm, and even keep a smile on your face(even if it's fake)as that should at least not let things escalate. Good luck.