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Alcoholic mother with dementia who just lost her husband and home has to come to live with me. Please help.

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I'm going to tell you first what you should not do.

DO NOT let her move in with you. It would better and easier for everyone including her if you found facility placement for her where she's already living. She can't remain living alone as it is now.

If she is an alcoholic and has dementia, AL isn't going to be a workable option for her.
She will probably have to go to a nursing home. They will be better equipped to deal with the dementia and alcoholism.
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Do NOT bring her into your home.

Dealing with the alcohol problem would be awful for both of you.

I hope you are looking into care for her, she may or may not be allowed some wine, but no place is going to turn a blind eye to a day drinker. Let THEM be the bad guys. You be supportive and loving and she can be mad at someone else.
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First, before moving Mom you should check out residency requirements concerning Medicaid. Mom may not qualify for Medicaid at this point in LTC. If she will have proceeds from the sale of her house, they need to be used for her care before Medicaid is considered. And the house needs to be sold at Market value if Medicaid will be applied for within 5 years of the sale. (Some states the years may be less)

An Assisted Living may be hard to get into if she is an alcoholic. ALs are not skilled nursing or have the ability to dry her out. But this would be a good way to spend down any assets she has. Make sure the AL excepts Medicaid. In my State Medicaid may pay for AL after 2 yrs at least of paying privately. This all depends on the % of residents already on Medicaid. Moms AL only allowed 14%

Because each State Medicaid is different in some way, I suggest you call your local Medicaid office and run your scenario by them. Then you will be able to make more informed decisions pertaining to Mom.
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Sheri, I just looked at your profile. It says you are planning to move your mom from FL to your home.

Why don't you move her straight to assisted living instead? You say she will have money from the sale of her home, she can use that money for her care in assisted living until it's gone, then Medicaid would come into play.

PLEASE do not move your mother into your home. It will be so much harder to get her out once she is there. Let the professionals deal with both her dementia and alcoholism, while you can be the supportive visiting daughter.
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Before you take on this burden I suggest to seek out and obtain any help you can from your local Agency on Aging, state social services and get counseling for yourself to plan for the future. Please be aware that the future may be more difficult on you than you can possibly imagine. I assume you are taking her in because otherwise she would be homeless? How far advanced is her dementia? I would look into ways and begin planning to get her placed in a facility that would be able to take care of her. Depending on how far advanced her dementia is, that may be right away.
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Why can't your mom stay in Florida and go to a nice Assisted Living or Memory care unit?

Or if you both decide she should move to be closer to you in Illinois, why can't a good facility be found nearby?

Have you considered those options?
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Has to? Why is that?
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