I am her POA of medical and financial. She has been living with my husband and myself for about 1 1/2 yrs. Mother fell one night a few months after she moved in and hit her head. She was rushed to the hospital and it turned out to be a subdural hematoma. We also found out both of her arteries feeding blood to her brain have stenosis, so they think that has sped up her diagnosis of dementia. Her dementia was getting worse and she was just sitting in front of the TV 24/7. Sometimes she would try to call people with the TV remote, so things were not good. I talked to her Dr with her and he and I agreed she needed to be with other people her age in a wonderful faith based assisted living facility very close to our home. She agreed she wanted to go but when she got there she decided we forced her to go. She started calling my brother telling him she wanted to make him executor, but then she would call me and say my brother was calling her saying he should be executor and she said he was very upset that he wasn't. I called my brother and he said that was not true he was not upset and she was the one suggesting it. She has no short term memory at all so my question is, is she able to change her will at this point or not? As I said before I am her POA for medical and financial. I have kept my brother updated on everything that goes on in her life and he seems fine with things the way they are. So I called mother and told her he was fine and didnt want anything to change she still insists he was beinging it up…its a maddening situation. The reason she made my husband executor is when Dad died my brother didn’t like the way mother was handling Dads estate which of course all went to her. So even though my brother and I were the executors of Dads will, I tried to tell him there was nothing for us to do since mother was still living, and he was even going to take her to court becuase he didnt think she should have to probate Das will and her attorney said she did. She got very upset with my brother and she decided to make my husband executor with me as back up. We live in the state of Colorado…any advise?
B) I would like you to imagine your sweet mom sitting in a chair. See her face. Now imagine being able to go over to her, slip the top of her skull open and peer inside (with no harm to her, of course). What is are looking at is a swirling stew. A hurricane.
I say this because mom has no longer the capacity to change all this, and any obsessing on it is going to form indelible paths in her brain upon which she will wander incessantly if someone doesn't divert her thinking with good things to do.
Whoever WANTS to be POA/executor, in my humble opinion is a bit of a masochist and I wish him/her/them good luck. I was POA/Trustee/executor for the most cooperative and loving and organized brother in the world and was his only heir. It was still a HADES of a job.
Leave things be. Explain to ALL OF THEM that this is how it has to be. Give them the picture of the inside of your mom's poor brain. Get them to concentrate on making her last days as calm, peaceful and full of good times as they can.
Has she been declared incompetent? If not, I would do that ASAP. She does not have the capacity to change any legal documents but I would want that in writing for proof in case she could someone make it happen.