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by herself is this the first sign of midgrade dementia? Also she starts to do the blame game on my girlfriend oh btw I am 65 year old male, i live about 15 minutes away from my mom's care home where she is currently in independent living.

Happiness is knowing who to blame right Gary? 🤨

Ask the GF to let the suggestions, especially the tough ones, come from you. Better yet let the doctor be the heavy. Perhaps you could ask the doctor to put something in writing you could copy, frame and hang on the wall for mom to refer to. Whatever makes it easier for both you and GF to be innocent from the doctors decision.
Learn therapeutic fibs to help mom accept. “For now we must follow docs orders. Doc will see how you do on the next test”.

How was she leaving by herself in the past? Going for a walk? Driving? With a group?

Take her a milkshake and give her a hug. These life passages are difficult for us all.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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" is this the first sign of midgrade dementia?"

Yes, she needs a higher level of care like AL or MC. The "blame game" is just her increasing inability to use reason and logic and empathy anymore because dementia is robbing her of these skills. Also, memory impairment plus paranoia causes those with dementia to grasp at straws to explain things that happen to them.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Garyjp, welcome to the forum. As yes, that memory test, hubby and I take them once a year. And some of the questions can be a challenge as you get older, like subtracting 7 starting with 93 (or whatever). Doing math in my head was never my thing.


I remember back when my Dad lived in Independent Living at a senior facility, and the Staff started to notice he was having memory problems, after testing first for a Urinary Tract Infection which can mimic dementia. Thus, the Staff called me in for a meeting to discuss moving my Dad to their Memory Care section, to which I agreed.


The move was easy for my Dad as he didn't mind moving from his nice apartment into a studio apartment in Memory Care. I told him it was cheaper (a therapeutic fib). I made sure his bedroom furniture was set up the same position that he had, that way when he awoke at night, everything was the same.
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Reply to freqflyer
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What is loosely being said is that she is outgrowing IL and is ready for MC. Unless you plan to wait for something disastrous to happen
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Reply to MACinCT
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it sounds like the doctor is saying she is not so independent any more. The usual, truly independent living in senior living involves being allowed to leave on your own, even have your car there if you are still d riving well etc.

Once one reaches an "assisted living" type of stage, that can be the level where leaving alone is no longer safe, or it could be as others are saying even "memory care" level. Where exactly people fit in depends to some degree on each facility and what they can handle at each level.
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Reply to strugglinson
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"Any score of 24 or more (out of 30) indicates a normal cognition. Below this, scores can indicate severe (≤9 points), moderate (10–18 points) or mild (19–23 points) cognitive impairment."

Your mother has Dementia and as such should not be in her own. So if she is in independent living, she needs to be in an AL.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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freqflyer Jul 22, 2024
JoAnn29, oh, with memory issues it is best to by-pass Assisted Living and go right into Memory Care. The Staff in Memory Care are familiar with the various stages of dementia, where in the Staff in Assisted Living are less familiar.
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Poor mom
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Reply to cover9339
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The doctor should have said, imo, mom has significant dementia now and needs to be living in Memory Care Assisted Living, not Independent Senior Living. A score of 13 on a cognition test means mom is pretty far into cognitive decline noe and unsafe to live with many things like stoves, cleaning supplies, even microwaves can become dangerous if she presses 60 minutes instead of 60 seconds or puts a fork in there! Please look into moving mom to where she'll be safe.

When my mother's MoCA score was 18, she lived in Assisted Living and was already losing pills and fouling up her meds to the point I had to get her on the med management program. And she was incontinent and being showered 2x a week by aides. She was in Memory Care by the time her score was down to 14.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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