I can't get her part b until January because it is not open enrollment for the original part b. Not the ones on t.v. I was able to do a teledoc once to fill meds, but they said they won't don't again because she needs a pcp and other medical help. She told me she will be fine if she runs out. These are life saving meds by the way. I told her I cant care for her if she has another heart attack that she would have to stay in a facility. I am due to have my 3rd child soon and won't be able to change my mom's diapers and a newborn. My mom was bed ridden for almost half a year the last time she had a heart attack. She has money saved that she can see a doctor to get meds and get a referral cause she needs oxygen machine too. How can I make her see the benefits out weigh the risks she is wanting to take?
'It's fine' or 'It will be fine'
Wow did I hear that a lot as an answer.
Thing is the questions required more that a one word answer. They required;
1. To be understood properly
2. To weigh them up (eg think up possible solutions, consider the pros & cons of each solution.
3. To communitcate the choice.
The word *fine* is not decision making.
It is a coverup word. In my LO's case, covered up the INABILITY to reason, needed for real decision making. It covered up the decline in cognitive skills. (Decline factors were stroke, heart function & lowered oxygen).
Where is Mom now? Living alone? Living near you? Or with you?
Confusion can be a reason to call 911. Keep that in mind.
Was Mom collecting SS before 65? If so, Medicare is automatic and u get A&B. Both my DH and I started collecting at 62 and our cards just came in the mail.
To clarify on asking the doctor or pharmacy for meds.
It all depends on the relationship of patient and doctor on whether they will provide meds. And of course the meds themselves...if the doctor doesn’t have them as samples I wouldn’t expect them to have on hand. My husband had forgotten his meds on business trips and pharmacies have provided BUT there was a relationship.
I wouldn’t say to try it if I hadn’t done it. I Just neutralized several med samples that I was given earlier this year.
But it is good to note that it would only be a small amount IF available and not for maintenance.
I am sorry I didn’t address how to get her to go to the doctor.
Think about what she IS willing to do. Perhaps pick her up for a nice lunch and after she is in the car drive to the doctors appointment and say, let’s run in here to pick up that prescription for your meds. or I need you to come in here with me for a minute and then We will go to lunch, or to get your hair cut or whatever you have enticed her with.
or you could threaten her with the government interference. The carrot or the stick. I like carrots.
Is there dementia in all of this? Are you seeing other signs of it?
I think, if your mother will not listen to you it is time to call APS because this can clearly come to crisis.
My honest fear is that your mother may be so currently unwell that she isn't even TAKING HER MEDICATIONS as we speak. She clearly doesn't understand that they may be a matter of life or death.
I think that you need the intervention of APS here. I would call adult protective if some of the suggestions below don't work for you. No one will give you medications without her seeing a doctor.
You could also try calling your local Area Agency on Aging (such as Geaton suggested) and see if you can get a social worker to visit mom and help her unravel her insurance situation and her cognitive status. There may be a clinic in the area that she can pay out of pocket while she waits for her insurance to go into effect or she may try a different urgent care. There are places to get help, but you will need to search them out as I see you doing by coming here.
This stress is not good for any of you but to be fair, Medicare is daunting as you are probably finding out and the ads, etc can be so misleading.
She also could ask her doctor if he has samples he could share while she is waiting for the insurance. Does she have a primary doctor or a cardiologist? Sometimes a pharmacy will offer a few pills to fill a gap if she has a relationship with the pharmacy.
While Medicare doesn’t count ignorance or forgetfulness as an excuse for allowing the insurance to lapse, they probably see it every day and should have a procedure in place. Just make sure you are giving them enough information to understand the urgency.
If she has never signed up for part B then she can sign up now and it will be available Jan 1. The cost will be deducted from her social security and she won’t have to remember to pay for it. it’s usually billed quarterly if she doesn’t have it deducted from her social security. If she doesn’t have Part B, she can’t get Part D which is what pays for the drugs. If you wait until January to sign her up, then it won’t be in effect until February 1.
As Barb said, there is a penalty for not signing up when required but the penalty grows the longer she waits. Best to get this done now as in today. I would also be monitoring her BP. A heart attack is no joke. I agree with the others, once you get her connected with a service that can help, let them manage her services. If they think you will do it, they won’t. Realistically you can’t and do right by your children.
Let us know what you find out. We learn from one another.
Maybe if she knew that only social services would be helping her now and not you, she may change her mind. You helping her and being her easy solution is enabling her to keep doing this.
FYI a characteristic of dementia is that people lose their abilities of reason, logic, judgment and empathy for the situation of others. Sounds like her. Your profile doesn't mention whether you have a spouse or partner, so this arrangement is even more unsustainable for you. You and your children have priority. If you burn out, you won't be able to help yourself, your kids or your Mom. Get social services involved and then back away so they can do what they're good at and legally able to do. I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you find healthy boundaries.
Life is about personal choices where one gets to mess up thaier own lives. Your choice will be whether you want to become her permanent caretaker and mess up your own life. I hope you see the bigger picture here.
If she has dementia because she wears disposable underware, then you may have to make that doctor appointment and take her there under a fib. But choose now how much you are willing to let her control your life.
If she didn't sign up for Parts B and D Medicare when she was first eligible (65 for most folks, or when she stopped having employer-based coverage) there will be a penalty to pay every month.
It's Part D that pays for meds, by the way.
There is a SHIP program in her state that you can call to get good, unbiased information --they aren't folks who are trying to sell you anything.
https://www.shiphelp.org/about-medicare/regional-ship-location/texas
Maybe she would listen to them?
https://www.medicare.gov/plan-compare/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_campaign=pn-cmsoe2023-gm&utm_term=trafficdriving&utm_content=pn10152023_medicare-enrollment#/?year=2024&lang=en