Me with nutty mom again. My mom seems to go to new lows. I have tried to resist every form of manipulation to get me to be at her beck and call.
Now it is pleading. She wanted to get her wedding ring refitted as from what I do understand, with elderly women, their knuckles grow but meat of the finger shrinks, creating a conundrum. Apparently jewelers have methods to address this and I took her to one and they gave a solution and quote and my mom wanted to get a second quote, which I myself try to do in similar situations. Her friends at her senior independent living suggested a couple of chain places at a nearby mall. I know very little about jewelry, but know these places aren’t the best in terms of pricing. She wanted me to take her there and I said no
She called several times today pleading like a little kid, over and over. The pleading is not just annoying, it’s pitiful, pathetic and also creepy seeing a grown woman act like this
When I would go to India for work there were these indigents gathered on train platforms just reaching out to you as you passed and in high pitched, please, please, please, it reminds me of that and those people were hungry, mom wants a second quote on getting her ring resized, and at a place that I know would not be good for that it seems there must be some mental illness beyond just anxiety or dementia behind this
Or maybe her other manipulative techniques weren’t working and she knows that.
I felt really like a horse’s rear end to say no and hang up, but that is my only option. Do I resent her?
YOU aren't the horse's patootie here. Your time is precious and limited; your mom can take the facility bus if she wants to go elsewhere.
The best part of my mother's ring sizing story was after she finally made The Decision of The Century, she insisted the jeweler had swapped out her diamond for a cubic zirconia! She repeated that absurd story from 1975 until 2022. 🙄
Stick to your guns, it's the right decision.
That begging and pleading behavior is definitely over the top. I would have a real hard time with it!
Best of luck.
Then I will tell you that there are several options for having a ring adjusted for someone with arthritis in their fingers or just with large knuckles.
A jeweler can put either sizing beads in the back of the shank(the ring would have to be sized up accordingly first)or they can put what is called an arthritic shank on her ring instead, which would allow her ring to open up from behind to allow it to get over her knuckle, and then close up to fit more securely at the base of the finger.
Both will be expensive as gold is at an all time high right now at over $2000 an ounce, so whichever route she goes it will not be cheap guaranteed. And the arthritic shank will be more expensive than the beads as there's more gold involved, but the arthritic shank is much more comfortable than the beads from what women have told me.
And yes I sold fine jewelry for over 18 years and I often had to help older women get there rings adjusted to fit over their large knuckles. It was expensive then(I left in 2016). I can't even imagine how much more it is today.
I wish you well in setting the much needed boundaries with your mom.
Either this is from dementia or it is not.
If this is from dementia there is ZERO to be done about it.
If it is a normal person you would say "If you do that pleading voice to me I will hang up at once" and that's what you do.
By doing the tasks she wishes done when she uses this pleading you are training her that indeed this DOES WORK WELL FOR HER.
Everything depends upon whether this is dementia or not. It certainly SOUNDS like dementia, but I am guessing.
The previous manipulation techniques of shaming, guilt inducing, all that was hard, the this pleading is downright creepy and eerie.
As for the ring, I do like the just take the first quote advice. It was 200 for some process such like funkygrandma described of some kind, and as people say by the time you burn up gas one is not going to save much from that.