My parents’ home is in need of major repairs but they won’t take action. What can I do to help them?

I question your statement, 'they are able to take care of themselves' if they're living with mold, a sagging roof and other things, and then breaking down in tears feeling personally attacked when asked about the situation. Is there dementia at play here? They are quite young, but dementia and other forms of mental illness like depression can hit people at that age too. Having your mother acting as if you're attacking her personally with regard to needed home repairs makes no logical sense. When is the last time she's had a physical exam? It just seems odd that you're running into such push-back over an obvious situation, and one that will dramatically reduce the value of their home in the long run.

I think what you can do to help is offer to make the calls or do the research for them online. Thumbtack is a good resource for small jobs, Angie's List for larger jobs, and their homeowners insurance is a good source of roofer referrals. In fact, their homeowners insurance will go DOWN if they get a new roof. Maybe if you mention that to your folks it will be a good incentive to look into repairs. Needless to say, mold is dangerous to their health. You can even buy a mold test kit yourself at Home Depot:

https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ALeKk03mqNedZLIQ5lsz5QuHt3MFCEIzNA%3A1608848946535&source=hp&ei=MhblX-yJHo6qtQbxo6_4Dw&q=mold+test+kit+home+depot&oq=mold+test+kit&gs_lcp=CgZwc3ktYWIQARgBMgUIABCxAzICCAAyAggAMgIIADICCAAyAggAMgIIADICCAAyAggAMgIIADoECCMQJzoFCAAQkQI6CAgAELEDEIMBOg4ILhCxAxCDARDHARCjAjoLCC4QsQMQxwEQowI6BAgAEEM6BAguEEM6BwgAELEDEEM6BwguELEDEEM6CgguELEDEIMBEAo6BQgAEMkDOggILhDHARCvAVDKDViBL2CuO2gAcAB4AYABqgOIAdgTkgEJMy41LjIuMi4xmAEAoAEBqgEHZ3dzLXdpeg&sclient=psy-ab

Last but not least, you may want to appeal to your father about the repairs if your mother is emotionally unequipped to deal with the matter. If you offer to MAKE the calls FOR him and set up the appointments, even be there for the estimates, he may be more open to the idea.

If not, you have one final recourse: let your dad know his homeowners insurance MAY be cancelled due to the condition of the house & lack of repairs. Read this article:
https://www.thebalance.com/insurance-canceled-lacking-repairs-2645716

If he tries to file a claim and an inspector comes to the house and SEES the condition it's in, his insurance can easily be cancelled & that's a serious problem.


Good luck! If they're acting like this in their mid-60's, I hate to think what you'll be facing in 10 or 20 years from now. :(

Pam, I agree with lealonnie .. it sounds like they are unable to make good judgments re: their home. It's possible there are other things under the radar that you don't see or know about..like their financial situation, etc. Mom crying tells me something .. she knows or suspects what you say is true ..that they need help, but doesn't want it to be true, and is sad that .. she knows it is true. If there is some dementia going on, this complicates things more, of course.

Maybe find help to fix their home & present it in a way that doesn't sound like you're taking their independence away from them or criticizing .. only helping them. Be creative with reasons like ... cause they're so busy, you have access to more internet options and/or contacts, you just want to be sure & ensure their safety, etc... you get the idea .. and asking "please, let me do this for you.. it worries me" can also be helpful. It's a balancing act we all go through in matters like this. They do not want to be perceived as being incapable or needing help or face being moved from their home ~ scary for them and anyone.

You say they can take care of themselves but not their home's needs. This is when you have to not let yourself be fooled into thinking things like this, imho & experience. These are signs, friend. Please be sure to get them to authorize you on their bank accounts and bills so you can better help them as things may likely progress. Soon you will likely need to help them move to their next step in their lives, and thank God you're there to do this.

Oh, and in case you haven't thought of it, Mom may need help with feeding them and grocery shopping. She may be having troubles (under the radar stuff). If you can arrange Meals on Wheels & grocery deliveries & Rx deliveries, these are helpful while transitioning.

All the best to you.

PamH89, what about your father? What does he have to say about this situation?

I could go along with early-onset dementia wrecking one parent's decision-making skills. But both of them?

I'm wondering if there is some hidden obstacle such as a financial mess that they've kept from you and don't know how to solve. When you and your brother talk to them, keep your ears open for what they're not telling you!

Pam, I agree with what the other posters have suggested but am also wondering if it is a financial issue. Unless you are the one financing all these repairs, I wouldn't do anything unless I knew they were in good financial condition to do so. Your mom may break down because maybe she knows they can't afford it and she feels helpless but doesn't want to disclose something that might be very embarrassing? Just a thought that there might be more at play than what meets the eye. I wish you much success in finding out the truth of the situation.

If you can afford it then call around, and have the repairs done.

If you can't afford to pay yourself, then get a couple estimates on each item needing addressed starting with the roof and present it to them.

If they still have their wits about them they will either get it done or not and there is nothing you can do about it.

Maybe your parents don't have the money to get needed work done?

Do it yourself
Get Estimates
Hire someone

Try to keep your conversation to concrete questions that are not open ended. Instead of asking why the roof has been leaking for so long, look up the best roofer in the area and then ask if we will call them today or tomorrow. Don't give them the option to say no and don't ask any question that casts judgment. Offer a choice but in a way that directs the answers to the desired end result. This is their life, their choice, but it is also their health and safety. Make a list of what needs improvement in order of priority. Allow them to see successes. Sometimes, older folks aren't comfortable with letting strangers into the home. Offer someone you know and/or plan to be there while the work is being done. With each success that they experience, they should gain confidence in you as well as themselves. I did this with my parents. They needed an electrical upgrade and we made a list of what would make life safer. After each improvement was achieved, I made sure to reinforce the positive impact it had on day to day living. Positivity is key. It is possible that their financial situation is worse than you know and they don't want you to know. Make sure that they can afford what you are suggesting. Last, it sounds like your mom is feeling depressed. Sometimes, the outward appearance of one's home is indicative of their inner turmoil. If that is the case, some personal TLC might need to happen first. With my mom, I established a new routine, a grandmother/granddaughter pedicure and lunch outing. It is a delicate balance of honoring their independence and providing the help you would like to give (without it becoming a burden to you). Pick a small achievable improvement to tackle and help your mom enjoy that. I know what I am talking about. As I began to offer more help to my parents (they really needed it!) I went from severe pushback to just go through a small mountain of "stuff" next to their bed to make room for my dad's walker to an electrical upgrade and needed carpentry work in the span of about a year. It was a process for sure, but once the successes were enjoyed and appreciated on a daily basis, it became much easier.

PamH89 - They do not have the money to afford it. Or, they have the money but your Dad does not want to spend it, leaving your Mom feeling helpless (and she doesn’t want to say anything negative about your Dad to you). Best of luck to you. It sounds like a frustrating situation.

If there are that many problems, the house may not be safe to live in any more. Please contact local authorities to assess their home. If the authorities deem it unsafe and unable to be returned to safe conditions, the home may be condemned.

Caring for senior parents has 2 realistic goals: maintain their safety and maintain their health. From your descriptions, their home fails your parents to achieve both goals.

Do you have powers of attorney for your parents' medical and financial affairs. If not, get them to an attorney and get those legal documents. While at the attorney, make sure your parents have wills and advanced directives. After you have the powers of attorney (POA), use them to get their home assessed for safety and assessed for repairs. You can help them make decisions about repair or move out after you and your parents know the true condition of their homes.

It also sounds like your parents may have some dementia or mental health issues. Please take them to the doctor so he/she can evaluate their physical, mental, and neurological health. He/she might make referrals to a neurologist for dementia evaluation and/or a psychiatrist for mental health evaluation and treatment. You will probably need to make the appointments and make sure your parents get to those appointments.

Call you local Dept. of Aging. My husband and I were in the same situation and were given free help with weatherizing and other agencies to call who gave free help with other things to those on low incomes. We were also able to apply for a roofing loan at only 1% interest over 10 yrs. or something like that which we didn't take. There is much help for house repairs if you are low income; even small things like fixing a porch, putting in handicapped accessible bars etc. Please call the Dept of Aging in your county and see what they have to offer for your parents.

Have a heart-to-heart discussion with them to let them know that you want to help them as they age and can help back them up when they are no longer able to do everything for themselves. Try to get them to understand that there may be a time when they need more help. Find out what their wishes are. If their house is too much for them, would they be willing to downsize to an apartment, where they'll have a landlord to take care of maintenance? They may find the thought of a move daunting and may need a lot of help with this and with selling the house. Make sure they have all of their paperwork in order before you call authorities and while their minds are in good shape. They need a will, a living will with their medical wishes, power of attorney for medical and financial affairs. They may need an elder attorney to do this. Some banks also have their own POA forms. Some people do not realize when they are losing their abilities. If your parents are like this, you have to be very positive and tactful. Try to help them keep their independence as long as possible.

Mold can aggravate asthma and allergies, and may even be a source of chronic sinusitis.

In some cases, mold can grow in the lungs causing aspergillosis pnuemonia, especially with a weakened immunity. Certain chronic lung conditions, such as emphysema or tuberculosis, can cause air cavities to form in the lungs which mold can grow.

Homes are extremely expensive to maintain, and judging from what you are saying it would cost in excess of $50,000+ to effect repairs. They may want to decide to sell the home and move elsewhere.

Leaking roof has to be repaired QUICKLY because the damage to the house will become astronomical.

She probably feels overwhelmed by the task ... you make the phone calls and arrangements & payment & have a place for them to stay just in case repairs cant be done with them there & assure her all will be okay shes probably scared & confused

Pam, your folks are really young; at mid 60’s on the average in the US they have another TWENTY years. Like 82 for men & 84 for women as average age of death. Yeah imagine another 20.... totally frightening!

it’s one thing to have a widowed parent late 80’s / early 90’s who has some delayed maintenance on their home. But to be at this in their sixties, to me are red flags that there are way way more problems. I’d be concerned that if they don’t deal with house stuff that obvious, they may not be dealing with the other more subterranean things..... like being current & covered for property insurance, current on property taxes, paying thier bills, filing IRS / state taxes, doing renewals (like health insurance stuff).
Wanting to help them get repairs done is all well & good but before they or you go and invest time & $ or get indebted, get with them and go thru thier financials and insurance and tax situation to see if spending $ on the house makes sense. That sagging roofline might be structural damage and that’s a whole other solar system to get fixed.... we have friends who are going thru this from Hurricane Zeta in Oct and the costs are enormous and it’s not simple to do like a matching shingles repair job are. Depending on where you are, there could be a fee to do an estimate, like $75 for electric & plumber estimates, maybe for roofing co as well. But they apply it to your bill.

Also Have they done any legal? Like a DPOA, their wills or have one of the kids as a signatory on all bank accounts? Personally I’d discuss all this - like a come to Jesus meeting - with them after you get a bead on thier financials & have it with all the siblings by the end of January so at least 2021 is a new start for the situation.

Good luck, remember you don’t want to be dealing with this again at 70.... then at 80..... or horrors when their 90!

My Husband was born IN the house we lived in. (I always kidded that I married a man that never left home!)
He always did repairs that were needed. Then he stopped....
Looking back it was one of the "flags" that I should have picked up on when he was later diagnosed with dementia.
The repairs he said would have to wait "until I feel better", "when I am stronger" there was always a reason he could not do what needed to be done. Looking back I am sure he did not "know how" to go about the repairs that were needed.
So if mom and dad have usually been on top of things this might be something that has gotten out of control for them
Have either one been diagnosed with dementia?
How about other things like bills? hoarding? neglecting themselves?
I may be off base it could be as "simple" as they do not want to spend the money to do the repairs.
It might be time to step in and either you make the calls or you wait, and wait a bit longer. At some point the house could reach the point where it is no longer safe and you could have code enforcement in and they could order the repairs done. (from the sound of it is possible the house is at that point now)
If either has been diagnosed with dementia it might be time to step in and, if you are not POA obtain guardianship and then you can act in their best interest..

I read things like this and think "DH and I are in our 60's--and I cannot fathom allowing my home to fall down around my ears..." and yet, I know people live with amazingly awful conditions and to them, it's the norm. They often simply don't see what's right in front of them. Something small ( a leaky water pipe) can cause incredible damage in just hours...and if your mom gets stressed by the idea of calling for help and then watching people work on her house...well, in this case you and any sibs have to step in and step on toes.

I once 'helped' a friend pack up her entire house as she was facing foreclosure and needed to sell. As we began to dig through 25 years of hoard, I found mold, cat feces, urine saturated carpet, mouse & rat droppings, pipes wrapped with duct tape and a few major plumbing issues--all these things she had simply gone 'nose blind' to and in some way 'blind-blind'. It was just too much as a whole to fix. She, too, was in her mid-60's and capable, but as far as running a home and keeping it safe? She was completely out of her element.

I worked with her for months and finally called in some wonderful neighbors who had the skills to fix these problems. It was a matter of money, to a degree, mostly it was that anything that required her to work through a problem..she just couldn't. And didn't.

She has her 3 grandkids living with her and this house was not safe nor hygienic for them. The mold alone--I wore a respirator type mask when I tackled that. She laughed at me for being a 'wuss'.

As much as we want our parents to be independent (and in their mid-60's? You have possibly 25 more years of this!. But sometimes you HAVE to step in and get stuff fixed.

My DH wants to be the fixer-upper and I always give him plenty of chances to fix whatever needs fixing as long as it isn't critical. Then when he shows he is never really going to do said project, I call a professional. If he gets angry, then he gets angry. Small problems can become huge if neglected long enough.

Do be kind as you do this--sometimes my kids will treat me like I am stupid--so be kind in your love & support.

If in the end you and/or your brother start spending money out of your own pocket on your parents' home, then you should consider meeting with an elder law attorney. It may make sense to secure your investment with a lien or note. It may be helpful to tell your parents that, in the distant future, you prefer to inherit a house in good condition rather than a problem property. Hard to say how that would be received by your parents though.

www.naela.org a place to find an elder law attorneys.

I haven't yet read all the previous posts, so I apologize if I'm duplicating what someone else wrote.

I see a situation like this as reflecting how overwhelmed people can be, are reluctant if not afraid to admit that a situation is out of control (/b/c they think it's a reflection on them), and are also stymied in how to get help, especially now (I had to wait 2 months last year just to get my garage repaired.)   Assuming your parents are living on a fixed income, that could also be major factor

Grandma54 made a good point (it just happened to jump out as I skimmed the answers).   People who are handy recognize when that ability begins to dissipate, and they can be embarrassed, frightened, confused, and uncertain how to proceed.  If you've been a handy person for decades, losing the ability to recognize, analyze, assess and plan repairs is unsettling.   It's hard to come to terms with your own decline, at any level.

Right now there's also the very significant issue of bringing repair people in the house b/c of the pandemic.   I'm really not that comfortable with that concept, even if they said they always mask.  

You might consider taking photos of the exterior, as that kind of work could be done now,, depending on the area in which they live (I haven't checked your profile).  A lot of damage can occur from a roof leak; believe me, I know; it ruined a whole room in my house.  

You might also contact their insurer and ask who they would recommend (I assume there's no insurance claim to be had for the roof?), but that could also generate an insurance checkup and the roof might be considered in such a bad condition that their homeowners' insurance premium would be raised.    Or contact your own insurer for recommendations.

I would check with local governmental (especially the Counties) senior care or home improvement,  and Senior Centers, to see if they have (a) list or booklet of  specialists in various trades or (b) lists of companies providing discounts for seniors.   

Are your parents able to get out of the house for any reason?   If so, and if you can get any roofers interested, get estimates then.  

And do contact the county or state elder care division.  Our county has a home improvement function by which it hires contractors to make repairs on homes for people in need.  The loans aren't due until the house is sold. 

The city in which I live also used to get annual HUD grants for critical home repairs.

Are either of them Veterans?    The VA (last time I checked) offered certain home repairs.

I will caution you that I've seen only one of these county contractor repairs "in action", and the "contractor" definitely was not qualified.   So proceed with caution.   The county selects the contractors, and the one I met was not only unprofessional, he was inattentive, put his workers at work (one was sitting on the edge of a 1/4 pitched roof reaching to cut tree branches!).    I learned a few years later that the contractor was unstable, and committed suicide.

ETA a comment about Angie's List;  I posted again, but it disappeared; must be more Internet gremlins at work today.

Angie's List contacted me for a reference on a contractor it had been advised I hired for work.  I did not.   The contractor apparently misrepresented the situation, I never hired it and wouldn't after the first interview.  Apparently AL never checked either and just sent me an e-mail requesting a 1-5 approval rating, which obviously wasn't possible.    So before anyone relies on AL, do some background research and found out how the contractor has been vetted, and if AL actually checked to ensure that work was done for a specific customer.


Another comment on creating comfort for the homeowners.   I think MidKid58 would agree with me.   My father was comfortable with people from his church helping him, more so than my hiring separate contractors.    Mormons do this for their parishioners.   

Your parents might have some similarities to mine, so here is another possibility: Both my parents had what is referred to as "decision paralysis." They were always like that but it got worse as they got older. They could never make a decision about anything, large or small, never made a plan, never would commit to anything. Rather than making a choice, they would do nothing, stick their heads in the sand and ignore whatever the situation or problem. So frustrating! Both were hoarders as well, saved everything. Their home was always so cluttered. Plus, my father was too cheap to do home repairs and he was a handyman/property caretaker for the same boss/family for 50 years! He was so talented with his hands; carpentry, painting, plumbing, electrical, etc., but would not put the effort into his own place. He'd start projects and never complete or follow through. By the time he was 80 and finally retired, we began to realize how disordered he truly was: full spectrum Cluster B personality disorders, paranoid delusions, etc. Doctors always said right up until age 96 that he did not have dementia - "He's pretty sharp for his age." However, he ticked all the boxes for extreme narcissism and sociopathy and my mother enabled his atrocious behavior. Fun times. I finally had to just take over for their own protection and safety, sold their decrepit house, moved them into an Independent Living apartment for 1 year, then another one for 4 years, and finally Assisted Living. He fought me every step of the way, but my mom was grateful. It was the toughest, worst 7 years of my life, all before 2020 and Covid. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him and he hated me. So when he died in May, that was the highlight of this entire lousy year for me.
Hope you will be able to talk some sense into your folks. Best of luck!

Another avenue for possible help if they are considered low income is habitat for humanity. Many of their local branches also do roof, porch, safety hazard (grab bars, ramps) repairs for lower income seniors. Contact your area united way for information. Senior services center also has wonderful contacts in place. I know how frustrating this situation is, you want them safe and sound in a home that is in good shape and mold free.

Another comment on creating comfort for the homeowners.  I think MidKid58 would agree with me.  My father was comfortable with people from his church helping him, more so than my hiring separate contractors.   Mormons do this for their parishioners.   

I also recall a man who was a Methodist and did volunteer work either with his church, or with Habitat for Humanity, which might be a good source to contact as well.

I missed Takincare's post reference Habitat for Humanity - well, two mentions is better than one!

I think there's another issue for a man who's done his own work for years.  He's uncomfortable recognizing his growing age related limitations but doesn't want to face it; I understand that perfectly.    What did help is to work with a contractor, not only in drafting the work scope, but helping to prepare the area as much as possible.  

I do that with my military junk hauler.  I work right alongside of them (I hope they don't mind!) and make decisions on the spot.  That works a lot better than hiring the 800 Junk students who swooped in and took the most valuable metal items while I was still scoping out what needed to be done.  Never again; I learned a lot from that experience.

Another thought, on a slightly different level.  Utilities sometimes offer free upgrades, although it seems to me that they're more tech oriented than safety oriented.    But one  in my area has offered weatherizing materials.

I would discreetly ask your city housing inspector to make a visit. I don't know if they can do anything UNofficially, but they might offer you some guidance or link you with local programs that help older adults at low or no cost. Are finances an issue? Roof replacement or repair can get expensive, but so can damages to interior furnishings and having to live elsewhere if the damage is extreme, unsafe or mold brews. I imagine an option might be for the city to officially cite them. It would look legal and be on letterhead. Ultimately at least here people are given a dadline, and if it is missed they can be hauled into court. Of course being older adults and typically long-time residents no judge or mayor wants to see this happen and they cut them some slack, give extra time...They're awfully young at this point with many years hopefully to continue living in their home. Your mother needs to grow up a bit. Pull yourself out of the equation beyond maybe following up on this idea if it makes any sense. YOU won't be personally attacking her if the city intervenes. Will she suspect you're behind it? WHo knows. Around here inspections can be common or maybe something that is amiss and draws attention can be reported by a neighbor. If none of this fits for you, I'd guess all you can do is just stay back and wait for the crisis to eventually happen. Take comfort in knowing you have done all you can. Sometimes we can do no more and it's out of our hands. She should know how lucky she is to have you involved and caring. Are you POA? Is there a chance you could arrange to tend to this stuff if they were away on vacation? Wishing you all the best....

Can the home be repaired? They haven't taken action, so that's how you can help them. Get a few contractors to come by when you can be there and see what needs to be done and give you an estimate. If the problems have existed that long, you might be talking about huge expense or a rebuild.

If you have family members that can handle it, make sure create a contract showing exactly what repairs will be made, how much for each repair, and a completion date. Treat them as a contractor and make sure there is paperwork to cover each step of the process. If they get miffed or acuse you of not trusting them - explain that all of their money has to be documented as how it is spent and there has to be contracts to verify expenses in the even they need to apply for Medicaid Nursing Home assistance. Take care of it the right way so you don't end up with a never ending project with the whole house torn up and never completed.

Imho, living with mold on the walls of the home can cause health problems. Perhaps you could have a home inspector come in. Prayers sent.

Wow, sounds a lot like my parents but they were in their 80’s before it became a problem. By the time they decided to do anything the costs were out of their budget. The insurance company informed them that they would lose their coverage if they didn’t do some thing to repair the house.

My brothers and I would do some small repairs but told them firmly that we would not invest money in a house that was falling apart.

Luckily they found out about a local program that offers grants to low-income seniors to bring their homes up to code. The goal was to keep seniors in their homes and out of facilities. They qualified for an outright sum of money plus no-interest loan that would be forgiven if they stayed in the house for 10 years. Dad was allowed to choose the contractor from a list approved by the agency so he felt like he had some control. He also kept a close eye on all the workers!

The best part was Mom lived in the house the 10 years required so they got 25k in free money! We sold the home to fund Mom's move to AL.

Not knowing their financial situation, could it be that they are being financially drained by house taxes? Have they applied for any senior tax exemptions? It may not add up to a whole lot but every little bit helps. House taxes were one of the main reasons my parents sold and moved out of state, they got tired of fighting their tax bill every year, it was crazy. Some states offer an added homestead exemption after a owner reaches the age of 65 regardless of income, but the catch is you need to apply for it and many don't know it exists. Another avenue for you to inquire about is thru government HUD and the USDA. They also offer grants and low cost loans (some have loan forgiveness clause if homeowner lives in the home for a certain amount of time.) Does your local high school or junior college offer trade school classes? Maybe they would be willing to take the projects on as a learning experience (you would need to provide the building materials). The students are supervised, no corners cut, they usually build a new home a year and sell it to keep their program going. Can't hurt to ask.

Regarding getting a non profit 501 c 3 involved, here’s my experience... In my city, New Orleans, the PRC / Preservation Resource Center does a rehab of historic housing for seniors. They work in partnership with larger corporations, like ATT/SWBell, Hancock, Iberia, and do 2-3 3 day long wkend teams that have their employees work on the property with licensed contractors. There’s some sort of tax credits involved for the biz that participates. House behind us in our neighborhood had a PRC “Christmas in October” rehab last millennium & their partner was one of the energy (was either Freeport or Stone) corps that aren’t here no more. Owner pays a % of materials based on income.
In order to do it, PRC had to get us & our next door neighbors to sign off to allow work as the backside of their “garage” (more a shed that had likely been a stable) was on our property lines. We could refuse to sign off too. A structural engineer hired by PRC came out to evaluate the house and the garage cause of there were any structural issues property could not be in the PRC program. Damage or repairs ok, structural not ok.
Also if it wasn’t owned outright, the lender / mortgage co had to be notified & I assume did some sort of release. All work needed historic approval which PRC staff took care of. Probably added 70k to value of the home when it finally sold after Katrina.
My point is that “free” will have all sorts of requirements; and a lot of these will need legal filed at the courthouse - like a Release of a Deed of Trust - to be able to participate in a program. Free isn’t always simple.

Your parents may have called people to come out and fix things such as in the free estimates, and the cost factors of $6-$12,000 for a roof, thousands of dollars for foundation problems etc. From your description it sounds like it may bit be repairable. Since this seems to have started 10 tears ago, it seems finances is most likely the culprit, but, your parents are unable to to afford the repairs, any discussion puts them in a feeling of inadequacy. However, on the other hand, if a problem was seen 10+ years ago, why didn't you or your brother do patchwork on the roof and insist after 1 year that they call in your presence, and be there during the quotes. Or why didn't either if you set up the appointment for them for roof repair quotes. It sounds like you were both at least in your late 20's to early 30's at first sign if issue. Dementia and symptoms that can make someone exhibit symptoms such as infection, hearing loss and several other things can cause memory lapses.
Have you considered APS involvement? They may not be able to get the money for the repairs but, they do have connections which could assist them into reduced to free costs for such a situation. You should also have house checked by environmental protection agency as the mold could be causing damage to their thought processes and making them sick. I would also see about getting your parents health checked out. You need to tread lightly as no one likes to be put in a situation where they feel cornered.
Best wishes

Frances73 who was the company they went through?