Do I have any say so when my mom asks me almost daily to bring her home with me? My mom has had a fear of nursing homes for over 50 years. To say it’s her worst nightmare come true is putting it mildly. She continues to state that she wants to revoke my sisters power of attorney because she never thought that she would put her in a home. I am willing and able to bring her back home with me where she was living previously. Do I have any rights here?
move her is to get back at your sister?
If I'm honest, putting someone in a nursing home is a pretty dicey way to try to get someone's money - for a few reasons. Let's say that she comes in and spends it all - and there is no money left for mom's SNF payments - then there is a good chance that your sister is putting herself on the hook for mom's care if she runs out of money and has to apply for Medicaid. There is a 5 year lookback period during which your mom's money can't be gifted or transferred for anything but HER needs. And if she doesn't try to spend it now - and as you say mom doesn't have much money - using it to pay for a SNF is going to drain that money pretty quickly - leaving nothing for either of you, as her money should be used for her care.
What we see here more often in siblings who just want the money is that they will let the other sibling take on all of the hands on care at home and insist that mom can't go to a SNF because they can't afford it, so that the money is not spent.
There is no inheritance until someone passes. And spending your mother's money now is a good way for your sister to spend the rest of her life caring for your mother herself because she gifted herself that money.
You need to confirm that your sister is the legal POA.
There are two POAs, Financial and Medical. Medical does not have the power to place someone because they are not in charge of Finances. All Medical does is to make sure the principles wishes are carried out. To talk to healthcare staff and Doctors and make decisions for health not covered in the POA.
As a POA, neither financial or Medical can use Moms money for anything but Moms care. 150k is not going to go far at 10k a month for the NH. Mom will eventually need Medicaid and they go back 5 yrs. Any money not used on Mom is considerd gifting and that causes penalties.
Please get that lawyer, now.
You need to go to the nursing home and have your mother insist on seeing the POA document that your sister gave the nursing home. You need to see what the date is on it, if your mother's signature was notarized, what doctor's statements are required to activate your sister's POA, and the documents she gave the nursing home stating that your mother isn't competent. The staff can't give them to you by yourself, but since they are your mother's documents, they need to produce them for her. If the staff says no, keep escalating up the chain. If the Executive Director refuses, call the corporate office of whoever is the next level outside of the facility. The nursing home should have signs posted with ombudsman information and who to contact for complaints.
Also read what authority, if any, the POA document gives your sister regarding selling the house. Does she have POA for both medical care and finances? Does she have the house listed with a realtor? If so she needs to have given the realtor valid documents showing she has this authority. If not the realtor can't list the house, and you can tell the realtor that if she or he continues you'll report them to the licensing board.
Of course if the POA document was validly drafted, with your mother's signature validly notarized, and there are legitimate doctors statements that your mother isn't mentally competent, this gets more complicated. But start there. Let us know how it goes.
How is the nursing home being paid for?
No one wants to go into a nursing home or ALF. But there is no choice when things are no longer safe at home.
So this comes down to whether mom is legally incompetent to make changes in her POA documents.
She is scared because she grew up in the age when nursing homes were only a few steps up from insane asylums. Things have changed.
And it takes time to adjust to a new place and new surroundings. Give it time.
Did your sister have the legally required documentation, such as doctor's statements that your mother is not competent, when she placed your mother in the nursing home?