She has always been on SSDI her whole life due to bipolar disorder and states of mania in the past few years she’s deteriorated severely physically and no longer bathes uses the bathroom cannot prepare meals or any of her affairs and is not complying with her medications . I have to care for her . She rents a room and has no social contact with her roommates. I am stressed and overwhelmed. It’s become a full time job. I can no longer physically or financially afford to go there daily. I need help
She tried to help her mother for many decades and smart woman that she was knew how to get the help of the auspices of New York City and State. All to no avail. Her mother died aged in a skid row hotel in squalor, and it wasn't unusual for her to be homeless.
Unlike dementia, people who are mentally ill are seldom allowed the protection of the law, but rather their own "freedom" to live as they choose. With some 5150 check ins for medication and stablizing they are sent back to the streets where often they do not take their medications. I have a bipolar member in my extended family. You will not be able to function as a POA or a guardian. It is not the same as dementia where you can get someone declared incompetent under the law. It is not "criminal" to be insane as one judge recently said. They will not rob such a person of rights over their own personhood.
I would step back now. Report to APS for care. Allow them to follow and to seek help for your sister. She is very unlikely ever to afford or qualify for nursing home. A group home in extreme circumstances may be possible but again is unlikely.
I am so sorry. It is difficult enough to function for an incompetent and uncooperative senior, but as difficult as that may be, it is impossible to function for the mentally ill. Not everything has an answer. We once had asylums where people were at the least sheltered and received food. They were done away with, our society having decided this is the better way. I would join now any organizations for family of the mentally ill. You are going to need that support. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.
Then let the state take over her care which will more than likely involve them placing her in the appropriate facility, where they will make sure she's taking her medications and is getting bathed and fed.
It will be a win win for all involved.
And on a side note I find it incredibly sad that a woman at such a young age(I myself am a young 65 year old)has basically given up on herself and life. But that is on her not you, so please call APS to get the help that she and you both need.
Like others who responded, I also agree you can call in APS. You also can call 911 today and tell them she may have an untreated UTI (because dementia is not a medical emergency so they won't come). Then when at the ER tell them she is an "unsafe discharge" and do not take her back to her apartment no matter what the hospital says to you. At the hospital ask to talk to a social worker, tell them she has no caregiver (do not tell them it's been you) and talk about the option of transitioning her directly into a facility. Depending on her behavior they may opt to hold her in their psych wing to try to get her to comply with some meds to deal with her mania/agitation/depression.