I have an elder neighbor who has a full time caregiver. My neighbor has grown very fond of her caregiver and now wants to leave part of her inheritance to her. It's not a huge amount of money and if the portion of her money that was supposed to go to her now deceased nephew. The person who has POA has accused the caregiver of elder abuse and I think has filed a lawsuit. Meanwhile, all my elder neighbor cares about is being able to be taken care of by this caregiver who is the person she trusts the most. That has been taken away from her. I tried to talk to the person with POA, but they want to go through lawyers. I understand what the person with POA is trying to do, he thinks he's acting in the elder neighbors best interest. It's just not working and making a 96 year old woman sick for what she thinks will send her friend and caregiver to jail. I want to help but am not sure how. I was thinking about hiring an attorney to help the neighbor and/or the care giver. If my neighbor is of sound mind shouldn't she be able to do what ever she wants? I get that it might not look good but isn't it her right to do whatever she wants? Shouldn't the POA person not worry because no attorney would change the will if it was against the best interests of the person asking for the changes? I'm sure its more complicated than that, but it's all very taxing on a nice woman who should be allowed to just live in peace.
BTDT with a long protracted lawsuit I handled on behalf of my MIL who was also accused and who was her LO’s caregiver. The judge invalidated 2 wills and removed my MIL and it cost us a FORTUNE in money not to mention the emotional distress lawsuits cause everyone.
I still can’t get over how a judge could come in and disregard everything the elder wanted and redo the entire thing. As you mentioned, my MIL’s LO was in better shape physically and mentally in her late 90s than I was in my 30s. The LO had every right to make her will how she wanted.
Nope.
The woman who was conducting my tests and I were casually chatting. I told her that I had been under a great deal of stress as a caregiver for my mom.
She was telling me that she ran tests on an elderly man recently who was telling her that he was so very fond of his caregiver. She was taking excellent care of him.
The man was not close to his family at all but he very much feared that they would want all of his money when he died. He was a wealthy man.
He decided that he would marry his caregiver to make sure that she inherited everything as his wife. He told her that he expected nothing from her, she did not have to live with him or anything like that. He simply wanted to thank her for caring for him so well.
She agreed, they were married and she got everything that he owned. So, you never know how much someone truly appreciates being cared for so well.
If your elderly neighbor wishes to give her caregiver a sum of money after her death, I hope that she will find a way to do so. It’s sad that the POA is assuming that there is elder abuse. I suppose they feel that the situation has to be investigated because elder abuse does happen.
Do you know if this neighbor has dementia?
Have you seen her medical paperwork?
Do you know if this POA is now enacted to protect this (possibly demented) woman from others and from herself if she is not completely competent? Likely not.
If this neighbor of yours is well enough to ON HER OWN contact an attorney, make an appointment, and go to see him or have him come to see HER; to be examined for competency by him, and then do business with him, then this neighbor is free to do anything this neighbor wishes to do all ON HER OWN.
She can change her POA.
She can change her will.
She can do as she likes.
Otherwise, if this goes on, and the caregiver is adjudged by a protective POA to be doing elder abuse, she could land in jail. Do you really want a stay-away order from this POA acting for his principle?
I advise you stay out of this.
Unless you know this neighbor extremely well, you really don’t know what the situation is.
You don’t know if she is embellishing the truth or outright lying. Not everyone is truthful.
Plus, she may be the type of person who is always looking for sympathy from others and will tell tales just to get attention.
We have all known people who exaggerate their situations. Perhaps they are lonely or they are testing the waters to see how interested you are in helping them.
If she does have dementia she isn’t leading you astray deliberately. She may actually believe her delusional thoughts.
People can be very convincing even though nothing they are saying is valid.
If your neighbor is of sound mind she can change her Will. It would be wise to remove the deseased nephew anyway. If she wants to add her caregiver she can. She can also have a clause that if anyone contests the Will, they get nothing. No one has to know. The POA only needs to know she went to a lawyer to have her Will updated so he can pay the bill. He does not need to know whats in it.
As others have said, she can change her will to leave something to the caregiver, but if she has a decent attorney -- and it likely won't be recognized if she doesn't do it through an attorney -- that person will work very hard to determine her competence before agreeing to making the change.
The caregiver should know that it's not really appropriate to accept or expect such gifts. She's a paid employee, and that should be enough. If the woman's family wants to give her an additional gift of thanks out of their own pockets, then they're free to do so.