Hi everyone,
Maybe someone else on here has had a similar experience. My aunt is 66 years old never worked claims every disability you can think of. She’s been homeless basically for years since her husband walked out on her almost 20 years ago.
She has 3 living adult children two she has lived with off and on with who are a few hours from me. A year ago her sister my other aunt had cancer so she came to stay with me to be closer to her sister. While she was here and before her sister my aunt passed away her son had taken that opportunity and left all her belongings at another family members home he kicked her out basically. She’s been living with me since and over a year now.
She has never finished raising her kids they all dropped out before high school. I know, I don’t know how she never got into trouble is beyond me. Her daughter got pregnant at almost 13 and a few years ago her youngest son committed suicide and blamed his mental issues on her his mother. The 3 still living can’t stand her.
I can’t really get her on social security she never worked. She has nothing really medically proven to qualify her for disability. She has no ID no social security card she lost that years ago and no income. I had taken her over to social security to get a new card and she couldn’t prove who she was because she didn’t have a bill, lease, ID nothing with her name on it.
She’s very self entitled everything is everyone else’s fault. She even blames her life issues on her kids she claims she has an illness due to gallbladder surgery years ago that effects her memory. She honestly believes her adult children should be taking care of her and supporting her financially she has told me this and she’s big angry they are not.
She is more than capable of working she just won’t. Her kids don’t even speak to her and have their own lives. So myself and her other sister still living and her one granddaughter is the only people in the family who has anything to do with her. Cousins even extended family won’t even speak to her.
Shes rude and hateful and just down right nasty a lot of the time. She’s very negative and because none of her children will help she just says I give up screw it. I told her to make calls to find out how she can get a social security card and she will not. Even looking into resources that could help her and her situation and she won’t! She’s lazy she won’t clean anything she stays up all night and sleeps all day and she is constantly eating. She expects me to buy her soda and cigarettes pay her cell phone bill and if I don’t she gets an attitude and will throws fits.
A few years ago she claimed to have a stroke so I called 911. I’m also an EMT btw, I didn’t see any signs of a stroke but just incase, I wanted to make sure she was ok. The hospital kept her for days running test and the doctor told her daughter and I if she had a stroke it’s no visible with labs or on the CT scan. He went on to tell us if she had one it was so mild she won’t have any lasting affects from it or she’s just out right faking it. Those were the Neurologist words to us.
I don’t know what to do she will be 67 this year won’t do anything for herself. Won’t work and I can’t get her any kind of identification I don’t know what to do. My other aunt her sister said to pack her up and take her to a shelter or drop her off at one of her adult kids places.
Ive tried talking so has her sister as nice as we can about her life. She won’t take any accountability for anything. She tells everyone she is disabled and most recently the stroke she had a few years ago really messed her up yes, this is what she tells everyone. Even after what I said above what the doctor told her daughter and I.
Atleast if she had an income, I could try and help her find a place through community action or something. My hands are really tied with her. I don’t even know where to begin! So any advice is appropriated so thank you for listening!
First thing I would encourage you to do, start treating her the way she treats you. You are giving her bad behaviors a free pass and that never works.
Second, tell her she needs to leave. You agreed to a short term stay based on her ill sister, times up.
Stop paying her bills and buying her soda and cigarretes. If she did have a stroke, which doesn't seem likely, she needs to stop with these 2 items. Especially if she herself can not afford them.
I have been in your shoes with a sister in law, nothing changed until I said "Enough, get out of my house." It was ALWAYS one excuse after another and it was ALWAYS everyone else that was the problem. Fine, add me to that list and get out.
It was amazing how fast my SIL got public assistance and a place of her own and she wasn't even a senior.
Stand up for whats right, your aunt is so in the wrong it's pathetic.
Did you except her Back into your house after the hospital stay. You could have told the SW that you will not allow her back into your home. That they need to call APS to find her a place. If APS called you, then you explain her stay was temporary. You do not have the resources to support her. That she will do nothing for herself. Let them set her up, work with SS and Social Services.
The one thing your Aunt may be able to get is Supplimental income thru Social Services. This usually comes with Medicaid for health. I know, its getting her there. The one thing you don't do, is take on POA or guardianship. Once you have guardianship, you can't get rid of it. Let the State take over her care.
That was, imho, bad decision making.
You say she has been homeless for years.
She is basically sofa-surfing, staying wherever she is allowed to stay, using peoples' homes as shelters, and you have allowed her to stay.
This woman is my about the age of my daughter. She has chosen her way of life.
There is nothing here that you are going to change.
I would call APS and have them get her settled into a shelter after an assessment to see if she has mental deficits that may require state guardianship and oversight. If that doesn't work, and given you have made your home her home by inviting her in, you will need to consult and eviction attorney. You will not be changing anything about her lifestyle; you are not qualified to intervene.
Then STOP enabling her!!! As long as you continue to provide for her she'll never step up to do for herself.
Your aunt OBVIOUSLY has some kind of mental disorder and she needs to get out of your house, and perhaps even placed in a nursing facility of some sort.
And since she has no money she'll have to apply for Medicaid.
So get her out of your house sooner than later as you owe this woman nothing. As in NOTHING!!!
Do not pay her cell phone bill anymore either, or any expense she incurs. If she gets an attitude and throws fits, so what? Seriously, so what? Your intentions are good and generous but the unfortunate and unintended result is that you are enabling her instead of helping her. Letting her get away with this behavior is actively harming her. You don't mean it that way, but that IS the result. So stop.
As an EMT, you know what the resources and procedures are for people with mental health and physical health issues in your community. Take her to a shelter or an emergency mental health crisis center. While she's gone, have a locksmith change the locks on your doors (windows too, if necessary) and do not let her back in. Pack up her things and tell her you will deliver them to wherever she will be staying next.
Do you know some social workers or mental health professionals through your work? If so, ask them for guidance. Clearly she has mental health issues. You've done more than your share for her. She needs specialized professional mental health assistance.
Sadly, some people refuse the help given them. We can't control that.
Her sister might be able to help with getting a birth certificate from her state of birth, since presumably she would know the city or county, and maybe even the hospital. Then your aunt could make another appointment with Social Security. As Dawn said, she might qualify for spousal benefits, if she and her ex-husband were married at least ten years and he has started taking SS himself. (Even if he has remarried, she still qualifies if they were married at least ten years.)
But SS is backed up for months so don't wait around for it. Let the social workers take care of it. They have experience with that and with getting other benefits like SNAP, Medicaid, low-income housing, etc.
I wish you well. Please keep us updated on how it goes.
You don't owe anything to your freeloading Aunt, especially having to financially support her. You could try to call APS or your county office of aging and report her as a disabled senior with no income. Tell them you cannot afford to support her and she has no income.
I'd follow your other Aunt's suggestions, pack her up and drop her at a shelter, or one of her adult kid's homes. Talking "nice" does no good. She knows she can intimidate you and get her way, to keep her free ride going. She's been using people for 20 years and is an expert at it. One year is ENOUGH.
Make an appt. with Social Security and take her there in person. They will tell her what she needs for ID (bring a birth certificate at least). She may be able to get partial Social Security from the husband who left her, since she never remarried. She is young at 66, and may think she can live off you for decades! You need to tell her to move out or will get evicted.
Stop paying her cellphone bill, or buying her soda and cigarettes. If she has a fit, simply tell her to find another place to live and someone else to support her. How was it agreed that she could live off you forever? She doesn't pay for anything, which means she doesn't run the show. You work all day, so she has it made.
Don't let her boss you around, just calmly remind her she doesn't pay her way and you make the rules. If she keeps getting rude, tell her to pack and you will drop her off with her adult kids. She thinks she has it made with you, because she can intimidate you. She will stay forever until you push her. It would be easy to have her evicted. She has no money, no income, doesn't clean up or help, and is disrespectful to you. You are getting your life sucked away by her.
You have more good advice from Geaton777.
She seems mentally ill. She can be proven incompetent in court and then get assigned a 3rd party legal guardian. Don't tell the social worker that she's been living with you very long because then that makes your home her legal residence.
Does she qualify for Medicare?
If she remembers where she was born (what state, town, hospital) you can request a duplicate birth certificate. Then talk to the SSA and ask how to figure out if she even has a SSN. She can then maybe get a state ID. Not sure she can get a case worker without a SSN.