She is 97 years old and cannot walk. She went into a nursing home after falling and breaking her hip and been there for 4 months. She has dementia is on anti-anxiety as well as antidepressant medications. Lately she has been telling us that someone at the home is trying to kill her and sometimes tells us that she killed someone. She goes on and on about how she has been arrested. She is really confused about where her room is and when she is in her wheelchair will go to other residents rooms and take things that she says are hers. She was very unhappy there at first--crying all the time and saying we put her there for no reason, etc. that was the reason for the medications. She has stopped the crying and saying she wanted to go home--which is impossible--but now she is saying all of the crazy things. They have adjusted the medications, but it doesn't help. Any Ideas?
I'm sorry your mom is so fearful and confused, it sounds as though the move has been fairly recent? I'm sure you already know that moves can be very hard on those with dementia and it may take a very long time for her to settle in there. Finding the most helpful medications can be a process of trial and error. It would be best if she was being seen by a geriatric psychiatrist, who is an expert in this area.
Still, there is no guarantee that a person who has dementia can be made happy. They suffer with brain damage and sadly, that cannot be reversed. Some patients find it difficult to be content or find happiness.
It's tough on the family, but, I would try to work with the facility to come up with creative ways to bring her some cheer. I"m not familiar with how things work in a NH, but, only AL and MC AL, but, have they tried some kind of pet therapy? Music therapy? Fidget board? I wonder if something to keep her occupied and interested might help her relax.
That's tough. Considering the falls when she attempts to get out of wheelchair, I might ask them to try an alarm on her wheelchair. It's a seat belt, that they can undo, but, it alarms and alerts staff to attend to them. My cousin has one and since getting it, no more falls...Knock on wood. She will undo it, but when it alarms, she snaps it back. lol
I suggested Nature Sounds with tranquil music CD's for my cousin and her psychiatrist said it was an excellent idea. There is proof that it helps with agitation. It's worth a try. Of course, the staff has to make sure to put the music on and see to it she is in the same room. It plays sounds like surf, water falls, birds with soft music.
I'm not sure there are any answers. Sadly, some people do not respond to our efforts to calm, after a certain amount of progression.
The going into other rooms and helping herself to "her" things is extremely common in some kinds of dementia. The book "Creating Moments of Joy" deals with that at length. (It also has some good advice on improving quality of life for those in nursing homes.)
My mother couldn't walk and needed help transferring in the NH. Of course they couldn't restrain her, but they did attach a tray to her wheelchair. This allowed her to spread out her newspaper or magazines or crossword puzzle book. It easily swung off and hung on the side, but I don't think Mom ever figured this out, and while not a restraint it did tend to discourage her thinking about getting out of the wheelchair.
It is wonderful that you can visit every day! Please don't take her inability to be happy personally. It is Not Your Fault!
Ironically, one of the side effects of Aricept can be delusions and other psychopathology.
Aricept was very beneficial for my husband.
If she hasn't already tried Aricept, I think I would consider it for your mother. At least she is in a place where any side effects could be closely monitored.
Also, general anesthesia in the very elderly OFTEN causes long term problems. (My DIL is an anesthesiologist and she has confirmed this to me when my mother wants to have yet another surgery!)
I'm sorry for your MIL, but you may have to accept that this is the new norm for her. No one lives forever---and this may be what you have to accept. We all wish we could have the exact life we want and pass the way we want--but few of us get that.
Your MIL is obviously loved and well cared for. Accept that she is probably not going to get a lot better, or be "happier". I know that's hard.