She can no longer walk. First of all I'm grateful for this site in that I realize I'm not alone and this is apparent a life process. Mom has repeated falls and lives alone out of state from me. I've asked for help from the appropriate professionals but they still believe she is competent (she refuses to release POA and no guardianship) today I got ANOTHER call...she's in rehab and refusing to stay (again) but I can't take care of her alone with no financial resources or a plan of action from anyone. Also, she just spent at least a week in the hospital before transfer to the rehab and not a soul updated me. I'm not sure if she told them not to talk to me. I get bits of info on this from and bits of info on that from others. Any advice? I know I need a physician to comply for guardianship but none so far. And with her BEHAVIOR issues, I really don't know how to manage. It's one thing to have a physical problem--thats more clear cut--when you have an undiagnosed psych problem that has been present for years--that's another. And yes, there has been a psych geriatric consult during hospitalizations with her refusing to comply to even get that correct.
Do not sign anything agreeing to pay one dime of your money. You can refuse to sign everything until you have temporary emergency guardianship. You can sign her up for Medicaid so she can enter somewhere Medicaid pending. But don't use your money.
A serious advantage of state guardianship is the fact that you would be powerless to change her living situation, her finances, her doc... You could speak to the state appointed guardian if you wanted, but when your mthr *demands* release/change, your hands are "tied." I chose to take mthr on because there were financial abuse issues and I wanted to try to go after the abusers.
If it were me, I’d take a week off from work. I would notify all parties involved with your mom, including the facility’s administration, social services department, her nurse, as many therapists as can be there, a psychiatrist if there’s one on staff,and especially her physician. Let them know a good while in advance so that everyone can adjust their schedule and be there. Do NOT allow Mom to attend. This is an important meeting. Mom can be told what’s happening after the decisions are made. Bring any and all papers you can find on Mom. Have what’s called a “Care Conference”. Don’t let yourself be intimidated. Let them know you are taking time off from your job and traveled quite a distance to get this squared away so when you leave, it has to be a done deal. Mom needs to be evaluated and diagnosed. I would even mention having someone from the local Adult Protective Services attend since Mom lives alone. Unfortunately, you are on a tightrope right now. Mom is “too bad” to live alone, but not “bad enough” for a snap diagnoses and treatment plan. But something has to be done because right now you are spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere. Good luck and keep us posted.
Let her be, don't get involved. Tell the rehab if they call that you appreciate being kept informed, but you can't control her behavior as long as she's competent and you won't be rescuing her now just to turn her back to her dangerous habits.
If rehab can get you to sign her out, they don't face liability. If you sign her out and let her go, courts could find you guilty of elder neglect. It's best if you stay out until she has the accident that details her.
Mthr ended up wandering her town and not knowing where she lived. Had a big bleeding cancer, we rescued her, she recovered, and she's now warm, dry, and fed at a memory care. She's the happiest she's been in her life.
Mom was considered competent at the time but anyone could see she could not be at home. The AL staff deal with this all the time. They did not require a letter from doctors.
I think you need to make the trip, get involved with having her placed. Her facility must have a social worker or placement person. Or contact the local commision on aging for help.
I’m going through the guardianship/conservator process now. It will take about 90 days and cost about $3000. This will enable me to sell the house and continue to pay for their care.
Is there some way this can happen?
I might consult with an Elder Law attorney in her jurisdiction to get advice and options. if you feel these professionals are not properly assessing her, perhaps a CYA letter is appropriate.
And, it may be that if the rehab can't confirm an at home aftercare plan, they won't release her. Others here may know about that.