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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
April, when I joined this group I was so relieved to find out that others go through exactly what I have been and they feel the same feelings.......it was almost a sense of freedom. I care for my mother-in-law and when I whine and moan and belly-ache about something she has done, the others here have "been there, done that" and it helps a lot. So no, you are not alone.
... and the more you share with us, the smaller your problems seem. We circulate, commiserate, collectively vociferate, act up, act out, and even throw a tantrum or two. ... Just when you're beginning to apologize for that "temporary loss of control the other day" someone will come out and say "Been there, done that too." Welcome to the family.
Been there doing that...It is a growing issue in the US really. An aging population and one that wants to stay home at all costs. Some one has to deal with the inevitable facts of "You guys really are not OK on your own..." to "I don't think this is working out..." Then it is day by day from then on..........And no set expiration date on tasks or needs, except that they will most likely increase over time as the person loses abilities and competencies (and denies this just as stridently as possible)...
J you can say that again! I have noticed such a tremendous difference in mil in just the past yr. when we moved her here, could still drive although we worried about letting her out in unfamiliar territory; after 2 trips to the grocery store the driving ended. Her memory span has gone from 10 min to about 5 now in the past month. She has no concept of time. Physically she is healthy, mentally not so much, so I feel like I have a long road ahead of me and THANK YOU all so much for being my sounding board...........
I wish I had located this friendship while I was stressed to the max in the throws of care giving. Now that I have located it, this forum has become a form of therapy and or outlet for my passion to help others. I feel like taking care of the seniors should not be "rocket science", and yet it seems like it is or was for me. Once my mother was killed in a facility, my passion and anger grew and thus I am in the HC field and going to make a change. I agree it is so nice to know that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts; I always thought I was alone. I have enjoyed my journey on this forum and plan to continue to grow from the reading on here. Blessings, Bridget
I need to whine..........mil on a roll already this morning....going to be a long day. The friend doing her bathroom fix-up arrives and her tv is usually blaring 24/7..it's off and I see she has fixed her hair and plastered black mascara on. she's sitting there oblivious to what anyone is saying so i ask if she has her "ears" in....no, ok I will get them for you....but no she practically runs me over to get to the bedroom. puts them in but still won't pay any attention to a damn thing i'm saying and then all of a sudden looks at me and says "would you just lower your voice". I am normally in yell mode around her because tv is so loud, ear batteries are dead, or she only has one of them in. Visions again of my hands around her throat....:) So i need to talk to her again about doggie's potty outside, not inside the house all over the carpet, shut out again. She is not on my good list today.
Got grandpa us for Adult Day Health...taking him longer again the Dilantin is building up....I scarfed some oranges...Man I love orange season...he had a pants fit last night deciding he could wear his week old dirty cords to ADH mom nixed it I said just let me wash em problem solved...Next problem.....
I'm just shaking and in tears right now. I make a call once a week to my parent who lives elsewhere by her choice. I dread the "Tuesday call" I wake up on Tuesday mornings knowing I promised to and it's so hard to do. This is the end of the holiday season. I have not really been happy this year but put on a good face. Too much bad news about those I don't know and those I do know. My mother got drunk on Christmas eve to the point she couldn't even tell the Life Alert what the problem was. I get a call, had to handle that and almost missed the Christmas eve service I look forward to all year. Now, she's got all these persons showing up at her door making "poor you" comments and it just encourages her to be more self-absorbed. BTW, she is a Borderline Queen/Hermit personality. So, for a whole week it's been "poor her" and why, a zillion years before, she was not treated well-enough as a child so she had to have a drink. Me, only child had the "mommy dearest" childhood and I cannot even speak of it. She asked about my children and I purposely said that one just received the Nobel Prize and the other is a CEO of a company. Complete BS, just to see if she was listening. Obviously not because she said "oh nice" and she should know better - one child is still in school and the other has handicaps. She pumps me for news about anyone that she can compare me to and I said a good friend just got laid off because of the horrible economy right now. I was genuinely concerned for my friend and wanted to pour my heart out a little. In mid-sentence, it was "Oh, someone is at the door" and she's going to hang up. I can't even pour my heart out about anything and yet I listen to her list of woes every week. Constructive suggestions fall on "deaf ears" or "selective ears" or whatever. People there are a welcome distraction for her until she just all of a sudden gets tired of the attention and wants them to all go away. Then, she drinks and says that's because they "make her nervous." There's a Home Care agency that does all the work to make her life wonderful and easy. She preaches things she hears on the tv but does not practice what she preaches. I have to listen to it, deal with it, pour my sweat and blood into it, and I'm terrified that I will have to deal with things like so many of the rest of you when the money runs out and it will. I love life but fear I will do something desperate if I cannot ever validate my feelings, hurts, and be acknowledged by her if I have to take care of her in my home. This is venting. But, I'm shaking and in tears and dread the thought of the next week Tuesday call, or the calls that come randomly and routinely from Life Alert.
Holly my mother was exactly how yours is, including the Queen/hermit thing. I spent 4 hellish years caring for her 24/7, daily planned my escape, wished she would die and, in my darkest times, even contemplated suicide. She's been in a NH just over a year now (Parkinsons & dementia). Another stroke a couple of months ago knocked the stuffing out of her and she's getting easier to deal with, though she still reverts occasionally. Right now she's actually quite pleasant.
It's taken me the past year to recover from a lifetime of mommie dearest and the past few days I'm actually feeling quite good. I now live on 2 acres in the country, just me and my dogs, and it's heaven. It's New Year's eve and I'm looking forward to rebuilding my life in the year ahead.
If your mother needs help she should enter an assisted living facility. Whatever you do DO NOT become her caregiver. You will be stepping into hell and she will destroy you.
Thank you Ashlynne, for you note. There is not enough money for an Assisted Living. It was tried years ago and it basically was a waste of money and effort. She did not utilize the amenities and treated the staff like servants. When she got drunk or just mean they called me to deal with it. I suggested mental health counselors, but they would not do it. The money got too tight to continue and it was in a moment of discussion about the "bottom line" and saying that it is a business, and like any business, it will ask you to move if you cannot pay rent. She agreed to move to a regular apartment and have a caregiver agency with more moderate fees. It's not too far into the future that those funds are going to run out too. I'm worried and scared. I appreciate your honesty in telling me how things were for you. I'm so sorry for your bad times, yet rejoice for you for the good things that have come your way. ** Hug**
There's just never been any respite. I was her caregiver since I was a child, in my own way. And, there's never been a time she was not dependent on me in one way or another. I'm in my 50's and I'm tired, so tired already. Going into military service gave me a reason to travel and live other places, but she or someone who calls about her latest outburst are always there. The "weekly calls" were suggested by a counselor, to try and put the schedule of dealing with her on my terms. She's starting to abuse that schedule and call when she feels like it. If I don't call within a few hours it's one rant after another on the answering machine.
Part of what I do not understand is that HIPPA and other agencies do not respect my POA and Med. POA documents to engage me in constructive conversation about what can be done to help. I've asked for counseling for years for her. If she has upsets, then let them out with someone who can help. I only get calls to tell me "your mother has been drinking and this happened." They respect her demands to "don't tell about the alcohol" but isn't that the wrong thing to do? Don't they have to document it somewhere? Won't some agency step in and be willing to listen to my side of things? Is there a specialist on this site who can offer a suggestion?
Holly my mother's NH is the same. They call if there's a problem, i.e. a cold or a fall, but they pretty much have total control over her meds and treatments, which perhaps is as it should be because I', no nurse/doctor. All I can do is add things to make it easier for her. I'm sure the drinking is documented in the caregiving records but there's really nothing you can do about it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
... and the more you share with us, the smaller your problems seem. We circulate, commiserate, collectively vociferate, act up, act out, and even throw a tantrum or two. ... Just when you're beginning to apologize for that "temporary loss of control the other day" someone will come out and say "Been there, done that too." Welcome to the family.
-- ED
Blessings, Bridget
My mother got drunk on Christmas eve to the point she couldn't even tell the Life Alert what the problem was. I get a call, had to handle that and almost missed the Christmas eve service I look forward to all year. Now, she's got all these persons showing up at her door making "poor you" comments and it just encourages her to be more self-absorbed. BTW, she is a Borderline Queen/Hermit personality. So, for a whole week it's been "poor her" and why, a zillion years before, she was not treated well-enough as a child so she had to have a drink. Me, only child had the "mommy dearest" childhood and I cannot even speak of it. She asked about my children and I purposely said that one just received the Nobel Prize and the other is a CEO of a company. Complete BS, just to see if she was listening. Obviously not because she said "oh nice" and she should know better - one child is still in school and the other has handicaps. She pumps me for news about anyone that she can compare me to and I said a good friend just got laid off because of the horrible economy right now. I was genuinely concerned for my friend and wanted to pour my heart out a little. In mid-sentence, it was "Oh, someone is at the door" and she's going to hang up. I can't even pour my heart out about anything and yet I listen to her list of woes every week. Constructive suggestions fall on "deaf ears" or "selective ears" or whatever. People there are a welcome distraction for her until she just all of a sudden gets tired of the attention and wants them to all go away. Then, she drinks and says that's because they "make her nervous." There's a Home Care agency that does all the work to make her life wonderful and easy. She preaches things she hears on the tv but does not practice what she preaches. I have to listen to it, deal with it, pour my sweat and blood into it, and I'm terrified that I will have to deal with things like so many of the rest of you when the money runs out and it will. I love life but fear I will do something desperate if I cannot ever validate my feelings, hurts, and be acknowledged by her if I have to take care of her in my home. This is venting. But, I'm shaking and in tears and dread the thought of the next week Tuesday call, or the calls that come randomly and routinely from Life Alert.
It's taken me the past year to recover from a lifetime of mommie dearest and the past few days I'm actually feeling quite good. I now live on 2 acres in the country, just me and my dogs, and it's heaven. It's New Year's eve and I'm looking forward to rebuilding my life in the year ahead.
If your mother needs help she should enter an assisted living facility. Whatever you do DO NOT become her caregiver. You will be stepping into hell and she will destroy you.