I help my aunt take care of my grandparents and my cousin who has mental health issues. My grandfather likes to make everything an argument then have a fit and tell you how horrible you are especially when he thinks he's bored. Then he goes around telling his siblings we are mean. His sister came over to scream about his care but his kidney Dr., cardiologist, his primary care Dr., and his other specialist realize we are doing the best we can. They have down at most Dr. he has a flat personality effect and anger issues. The only other help is my mom who has health issues, and her help is limited, and my uncle comes when begged a lot. I have told most of my family when my grandparents pass, they will regret not spending time with them. I have 2 aunts, 1 uncle, and 3 cousin and a brother. My brother will come when called but he has a lot going on, so I feel guilty asking. My grandma like to pick an argument with him and leave the room so then he's mad at you. My grandma also has macular degeneration and can only see 2 ft out one eye and 3 ft out other on a good day. My family believes me, and my aunt should not be tired, upset, and overwhelmed. We were going to pay to get home repairs because we just can't take on any more stress or work, but he convinced his family to do the work. I said I cannot clean up roofing mess and take care of them. So, there for are the bad guy and horrible person, lazy person he told me. Also, he thinks we should do what he says no matter how ridiculous. It's like he wants to say jump and how high. The Dr. office has tried to help us hire help, but my grandfather has threatened to not let them in and or even. The Dr. office did try to give him more meds to calm him down, but we ended up a er because it was messing with blood pressure. Me and my aunt have also admitted to cry on way to work many times. My grandfather also resents me because when my aunt was dying of cancer my grandmother made me make the decision to let her end her suffering, but I was also taking care of her and working a full time job at time too but the many Dr. told me she was suffering and it was getting worse.
I welcome you to the Forum and as a new member I hope you'll fill out your profile for us telling us a bit more about yourself and about the ages and condition (mental and physical) of those you care for.
I think that if you are at an age of majority you have come to a time in your life where your own education, your own building of a work/job record with good financial remuneration, and your own moving out into the world away from family is a high priority. The elderly have had their lives. That isn't to say we don't love them, and cannot try to give them love and some support, but it does mean we cannot afford to sacrifice our lives, while young, upon their burning funeral pyres.
Others in your family seem to have got on with their own lives, and are letting you know that they do not wish to be caregivers. The decision you make for yourself must be your OWN decision after careful thought.
There are many things in life that have no easy answer, no kind answer, no answer without grieving and tears. This is one of the hardest.
While your kind heart is admirable, you cannot afford to put your own life on hold.