Palliative care? My FIL is now telling the AL staff how to do their job and making fun of some residents.
He doesn’t like it when they have to talk louder so the other 11 residents need to hear them. He is not the only one there. He is not accepting this is where he is going to live. I went around with him last week. He is all better and he can take care of himself. It was just another day that was all about what he wants. Anyway I had sent a message to the doctor about his depression to see if we should try something else. Well the social worker brought up palliative care. She explained it to me and I told my husband about it. Then the nurse called me asking about what they want them to do. Also dnr. I asked her what does the doctor think. She said he cannot comment. I get that I just want to find out medically where he is. I told my husband and he said well your the medical person. I am like this is not my decision. It brought me back to when I was taking care of my mil 24/7 and there were frustrations for me and no one helping. We had a family meeting and my bil was the one who backed me up. I feel like he is putting his head in the sand and his brothers just don’t care what happens to him. Actually I don’t think my husband does either. I feel like now he is at AL that’s it. I understand I care too much. The man was a selfish jerk all his life but I still care, ok that’s a vent. I just wanted some suggestions on palliative care and if anyone has experience with it. Thank you all
If you decide to hang in there, I'd discuss things with his doctor and have an evaluation to determine if he's able to make his own decisions. And, if he is in the right place for the level of care he needs. Often, an AL will not be able to continue his care for long. He may need a Memory Care facility or nursing home, which is another issue to contend with.
If the doctors are not going to operate, that's it. That's their decision. I'd figure an answer that will satisfy FIL. It's on the calendar, doctor is out of town, waiting on insurance approval, etc. He won't remember and eventually, he'll forget.
You might discuss Palliative Care with an agency that handles it. It sounds like the social worker is familiar with it. Some Hospices provide it as well. I read a lot about it when my LO got dementia. Dementia is a terminal disease. Palliative can really be anything you want, with the goal of keeping the patient as comfortable as possible, but, they can still receive antibiotics and even have surgical procedures, if their comfort would be helped. What it cut back on were so many tests and screenings for things for like cancer, which we would not treat anyway.
http://www.holyredeemer.com/Main/Palliative-Care.aspx
I would ask to talk to the provider. Have him evaluated. You don't have to except the service. But by evaluating you will get an idea of what is involved. A heads up though, if FIL is paying xtra for certain care and Palliative takes over some of that care, then the AL should not be charging Dad. Medicare will be paying for it.
I now see why you end up worrying about FIL. The "boys" allow u to make the decisions. So, make this one. You may want to tell them though, this is their Dad. One of the "boys" needs to make the decisions. You have your Mom.
Your FIL is in an AL. He has Dementia. The staff should be trained to handle him. He may never except where he lives. You cannot reason with them. Being self centered is part of the desease. He was a pain before he will be after, maybe even more so.
My Mom gave all her life. When I sent her to DC a bus came and picked her up and dropped her off. First day she came home and said I had to drive her. I said no, she was going by bus. Taking her was an 18 mile round trip. 36 miles a day 3x a week. My DH would have done that. No I told him, in the time I drove her I could have a shower and we could get out for a while. If I took her I would have to get up before her to get ready. That would be like 6am in the morning. Maybe it sounds selfish, but in my family its always been me doing. When I cared for Mom in my home it was in my time. If something, like the bus, makes my life easier I am going to do it.
Really, you need to get the boys to take on Dads care. You cared for their Mom now yours. They need to do what has to be done for Dad.
I believe in what goes around comes around. If ur FIL was different when the boys were younger than their attitudes would be different. But its time for them to come up to the plate.