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My step grandmother moved in a about two months ago. I never really saw her as my grandmother but she has dementia and had a bad fall: my mom took because she had no where else and she couldn’t be alone anymore. However we know she has dementia but we have question how much and if she could be faking some of what she saids. Nothing is consistent, she does something different each time. We have to tell her to go use the restroom ( rare if she goes at her own will) I’ve had to go with her lately because she has been not flushing and adding toilet paper to her pad. ( I work at home) and sometimes she will just stand there and when I walk to see why she isn’t using she’ll tell me well I was waiting for you to tell what to do now. ( I’m never demanding of her either but we have had accidents because she won’t go in her own). Another example I’ll ask her to turn off lights for when she is about to walk out and she will act like she doesn’t know where the light switch is. But if I ask her the same thing next time we go she knows where the light is and no issues. Something that really had me tonight was she said “I thought the person was coming by” I asked her who and said “ you know that lady from the other day”. We are having Someone come in to watch her two days a week while I’m gone because we decided she’s can’t be alone for a few hours and she meet the person yesterday for not even five minutes. Could she be as bad as we think and remember this person she just met?? We think she may be faking, if she is, to be able to go live with her son but he doesn’t want her to live with him or to go to a facility but unfortunately she can’t afford.

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A move from home is very disorienting for a person with dementia. They need a routine to be able to function well. It can take weeks to months to adjust. Dementia can be all over the place-some days very alert, others kind of foggy. Do you think that maybe she has something else going on besides the dementia? A UTI can make underlying dementia behaviors worse. With the hygiene issues you might want to take her to a quick clinic or her doctor to rule one out.

This may help:
http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

There's a detailed list of losses you can download at the bottom of this page:
https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/
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Whether she is faking or not, these are all typical dementia behaviors. '

And she is the mother of someone who married your parent and has since divorced him or her. Where is this family, this next-of-kin?

It seems like she has no money, plus her behaviors are declining. Sounds like you are already questioning whether you can handle it already, when the guarantee is that it'll get worse, much worse. As the mom of a parent to whom she got divorced, you don't really owe her like your own mom.
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Dementia is not linear; in other words, the person is not ALWAYS acting the exact same way continuously. Your grandmother will have good days & bad days; days where she won't understand what you're saying at ALL and you'll think, whaaat? Yesterday she followed my instructions to a tee, she must be faking! I don't know your grandmother, so I can't say for certain, but I CAN say that if her dementia is far enough along, she's not faking. Especially if she gets worse the later it is in the day. That's known as Sundowning; progressively worsening as the sun goes down. My mother has advanced dementia; in the morning she's acting fine; sweet as pie & accommodating, even blowing kisses to her caregivers. By 2 pm, she's showing her teeth and screaming that they're forcing her to stay there, against her will, and she needs to GET OUT OF THERE to go visit mama and papa, who have been dead since 1942 and 1985 respectively. She's belligerent, angry and cannot understand ONE word I am saying to her. That's called aphasia in the world of dementia.

So, it's quite normal for grandma to have remembered a CG who came by for a few minutes the other day, but forget where the light switch is. Dementia causes fragmented thinking; bits & pieces of thoughts all run together in a confusing medley of gibberish in their mind.

Give grandma the benefit of the doubt here, that is my advice. If her son doesn't want his mother living with him ANYWAY, and she cannot afford a facility, then it's a moot point anyway, right? Look into getting her on Medicaid for placement in a Skilled Nursing Facility if it doesn't wind up working out at your home.

Good luck
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The diagnosis of dementia is not made by lay people. Particularly, during the early stages, the first signs of dementia can be very subtly. No even her medical doctor can diagnose it. A complete neuropsychological test that takes up to six hours will pick up the signs of early dementia. Of course, advanced cases are very obvious to anyone. Let's remember that all people of advance age will present normally certain level of cognitive impairment. In the majority of cases, it will not progress into a full dementia. But in a small percentage, some type of dementia will develop. Alzheimer's is the most common, followed by vascular dementia and a combination of both. Patients with Parkinson are likely to develop Lewy-body dementia. Fronto-temporal dementia is less common.
In the beginnings, dementia symptoms may fluctuate. You say that your step-grandmother has dementia, How do you know? Who diagnosed her?
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