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My dad is 95 years old with advanced Alzheimer’s. he is in a 40 person assisted-living facility that also has memory care mixed in the population. I have a sister who keeps pushing to try to keep dad active physically, but myself and the other siblings involved see that he is very tired. We have been having him use the walker to go from his recliner to the bathroom when he’s in his room. Otherwise he’s in a wheelchair when he goes out into the common areas, he used to have physical therapy, but they had to drop it because they said he was not cooperating, sleeping most of the time in his wheelchair, and for Medicare to pay, he has to show the potential for progress which he does not. When do you stop pushing? That’s my feeling. We take turns to visit dad every day and help him eat dinner and get him situated in his room and visit for several hours. we also have overnight caretakers with him because he had a couple of falls when he first moved in a couple of years ago. But my sister is insisting we try to find more physical therapy and she wants us to try to push dad more physically. Trying to get him to do exercises and trying to get him to walk more. Last night when the caretakers took him to the bathroom, they literally had to drag him with the walker and he has had two,slow slips this week alone. The girls were with him so it wasn’t harmful, but I can tell the times he just doesn’t want to walk. Again, do you just keep them comfortable, happy, and safe or do you keep pushing? What are your thoughts on this?

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Your Sister is in denial. You are a devoted family. I hope that you will get together and discuss with Sister that people DO get tired and often are ready to go. Both my parents passed in their mid-90s and my dad was very vocal and honest about his exhaustion. He had had a wonderful life for which he was very grateful but he longed, at the end for the "last long nap." He admitted he just longed to stay in bed and go to sleep. I was an RN and he could "level with me". We had wonderful talks during this time. I was very relieved for both my parents when they were finally able to just go after a long and happy life. There was finally an end to their losses. They were finally at rest and at peace and without fear of further losses.

There is certainly no problem with having a PT consult for safety issues, but I would speak with the therapist about speaking with the daughter currently having such a problem dealing with the realities. And I would more lean soon toward palliative or hospice care.

Try to talk with your sister. If you're unable then suggest she seek some therapy, perhaps with a Licensed Social Worker in private practice who works with life transitions work.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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He's 95, he has worked, he has given, he's done. Let him be. Give him peace and let him do what he can and wants. My daddy was 85 and he wanted to sleep, watch tv and eat candy - my daddy gave all he had for his family he worked three jobs, to feed his family of 8, he took care of his mother until she died, he took care of his MIL (and let me tell you that was not easy) and other peoples children that were left with us. So when he told me he wanted candy to eat or salt on his food I said Hell yes! He gave all to us and at 85 he deserved no arguing and no pain. We don't want to see them decline its hard I've been there and I did not want my mama and daddy to decline either.
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Reply to Ohwow323
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Skelly1230, unless your sister's calendar is going in reverse, she will soon realize that as we age, we tend to become more tired with each passing year. One will read about a person in their 90's running in a marathon, but is so very very rare. The rest of us are sitting at home watching the marathon on TV.


My folks use to walk around the neighborhood, two miles, when they were in their 80's. Once they hit 90's, they realized they could no longer walk that far, they could no longer do their volunteer work, they could no longer do yard work, etc.. It's life. That's why ages ago, senior living facilities use to be called "rest homes".
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Reply to freqflyer
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Ohwow323 Aug 16, 2024
I giggled at your statement:
"The rest of us are sitting at home watching the marathon on TV."
It is soooo true! My sister ran marathons until she couldn't anymore - she had cancer. But good for the ones that do and for those who can't lets let them have peace!
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Their legs literally give out. My Dad was friendly with a local police officer. I knew him all my life. He lived to be 103. He walked all over and then it was just around the block. At 98 his legs gave out and he asked his DIL "do you think its because of my age?" I too feel you let them do what they want to.

I too agree your sister is in denial. Maybe the Nurse can explain to her that exercise, at this point, is fruitless.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I agree, let him dictate what he's wanting to do. My MIL is 95 and up until recently was very physically active, even driving. About 2 years ago she was dismayed because she couldn't stand up straight and had back pain from working and standing. She has osteoarthritis in her back and legs, for which there is no cure (at her age). She tried physical therapy and at one point the young PT injured her. She has come to grips with the loss of her energy and mobility. I know she doesn't like it, but it is what it is. She hates that she falls asleep in her lounger every time she sits in it. But there is no fix for this. This is her aged body speaking.
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Reply to Geaton777
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He’s 95 . Let him do what he wants or doesn’t want . Let him be and bring him ice cream .
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Reply to waytomisery
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In home physical therapy and/or occupational therapy may help for a bit but a month later he will be right back to where he started.

If you ask a doctor and it's free, id maybe go for it if that's what your dad wanted.

But your dad's 95 I agree with what waytomisery says. Let him just enjoy his ice cream.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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