My 72 y.o. mother is currently in the hospital and getting moved to a rehab facility today. She lives with me and I came home last Sunday to find her on the toilet unable to stand up (she uses a walker around the house) and mumbling incoherently and asking when my father was coming home (he passed away 3 years ago). She has a lot of physical limitations due to a dislocated hip that needs replacement among other things, only the doctors won't do any surgery because of an underlying condition (lymphedema in her legs, which causes open sores and fluid leakage through her skin--they say risk of infection is too high and mom has yet to be able to get the condition under control so that a surgery can happen). Anyway, I do not feel that it is safe for her to be home alone while I am at work and I have no one that is able to stay with her. Paying for an in-home aide is cost-prohibitive and insurance won't cover it. To make matters more challenging, I am in the midst of a career change into the trucking industry and after training, I will likely be away from home for 2-3 weeks at a time. My mom says that she'll "figure it out" and "make it work" but I do not feel that this is even slightly realistic given her physical limitations and the fact that she does not follow doctor's orders when she is home because "it's too hard/uncomfortable." I've broached the subject of moving to a nursing home with her and she is adamantly opposed, wants her freedom, etc.
My question is, once she gets into the rehab facility, if I tell them that she does not have a safe place to return to, will they place her in long-term care? My state (Maryland) has a Medicaid-type program where they take her Social Security income minus a small allowance and subsidize the remaining cost of care, so that could work financially (my dad was in this program before he passed), but the bigger issue is that my mother will fight this tooth and nail and refuse to go, so I'm just wondering if they can make her given the fact that she is unable to live alone and has no other family that is able/willing to house her. I love my mother but her condition has just gotten well-beyond my capabilities of being able to take care of her.
First of all to the confusion. She isn't diagnosed. Without that you are nowhere.
So while in rehab that needs to be THE discussion with social workers. How to get a neuro-psyc exam.
Let social workers know quite simply that the question is this.
1. You cannot stay with your mother nor be there, and your job puts you on the road; she cannot afford to hire caregivers; you believe her to be unsafe discharge to home alone. And she refuses care.
You are in a difficult position. If she has no dementia you cannot insist on her being in care over her own wishes. That being the case you will get "the call" either from hospital, as I did ("Hi, did you know your brother is here with us at Desert Regional") or from the coroner ("Hello. We were summoned by _______to your mother's home, and I am sad to have to tell that that....).
I honestly don't know which is worst. That first call that means years of attempting to arrange something to make things OK or at the least safe, and THEN death, or simply death.
Time to level with social workers at rehab. See them right away. Let them know exactly what you told us.
So sorry.
Hope you will update us.