Can someone please help me, ive got a elderly mum, who was living with her long term partner of 25 years, when one day my sister went to there home a removed my mum from there in tears, and took her to her home to live with her, when i questiond mum although suffering from dementia, she said this is what she wanted, so mum lived with her for six months, and unknown to the rest of the family applied for power of attorney, none of us were notified and it went through,
A month later she put our mum into a care home, now when i call mum she is crying on the phone to come home, we would love mum to come and live with us,but cant as my sister has p.o.a it is extremy upset to hear my mu crying on the phone, please can someone help
Having Power of Attorney doesn't mean that person need to take care of Mom. The POA is there to make decisions in the best interest of Mom. As you can see, your sister put your Mom into a care home. Does this care home have a Memory Care section?
When it comes to memory issues, there comes a time when a person needs a higher level of care than what can be given at home by one caregiver. It's nice that you would like your Mom to live with you, but I bet it would be more care then you ever envisioned.
Please note whenever someone who has memory issues says they "want to go home", usually they are talking about wanting to go back to their childhood home, not the last place they had lived, nor your sister's home.
Whenever Mom calls and see sounds upset, play along with her, at this stage we need to do "therapeutic lies" to make our parent feel better. Like saying going home, tell her "maybe next week".
But in a way that is beside the point. Your sister was taking care of Mum, and she decided Mum needed more care than she could provide so she arranged it. How much did you help your sister while Mum lived with her? Why do you think you are more capable of taking care of your mother than your sister was? Persons with dementia do reach a point where they need 24-hour supervision, and need to be where there are 3 shifts of trained and rested staff to ensure their safety and comfort. Maybe your sister was just plain incompetent or uncaring, but more likely she realistically assessed what was best for Mum.
Where does Mum's partner of 25 years fit into this picture?
You would like your mother to live with you. How often are you visiting her now?
The fact that often people in care centers "want to go home" does not mean that going home would actually be best for them. I know how heartbreaking it is to hear that, and I hope your mother settles in soon and is more comfortable where she is. Meanwhile, visit her often, talk to her, encourage her to participate in activities, and do all you can to care for her right where she is.