I live at my parents house and helped my father take care of my mother when she could no longer care for herself. Took her to all doctors appointment, got up with her several times a night, managed her medications, help her with personal care (bathing, dressing, hair, make up). Consulted with her doctor regarding her illness. After she passed, I started to help my Dad little by little as he became less capable of caring for himself. Similar to what I did for my mother. I have four other siblings who have done little to nothing. My oldest brother made himself POA and now he has taken over all of my father's accounts since he is currently in a rehabilitation center. He also plans on selling his home...all of this without my father's knowledge. He plans on putting my Dad in an assisted living facility. My Dad is of sound mind for the most part....has some confusion but other than that he knows everyone, where he lives, who the president is who the past president is...etc. He does have problem on what day of the week it is or the year. This brother had done basically nothing for him or my mother for many years. My brother's main interest in all of this is getting me out of the house. I can move out but I will take my Dad with me if he is capable since I know he really wants to be with family. My father has enough money to have paid caregivers care for him in my absence (work, social activities, errand, etc). I believe my father has the right to know what he is doing....does he? I have been threatened - by all of my siblings if I tell my father what is going on. I do not want to upset him while he is in rehab so I have said nothing. When should he be told what is going on?
What your brother is doing is illegal..
How did your brother MAKE himself POA? Did Dad sign these papers?
If you don't speak up now, your brother will rob your father blind..
What authority your brother may have is dependent on the wording of the DPOA, which like a medical POA (or living will) can include whatever authority and medical justification your father wanted and/or recommended by the attorney who drafted the document.
If it didn't require any medical situation to precede your brother's activation of authority, then it could be that he's acting within his scope of authority, although unethically and apparently with great self interest.
Beyond that, what you wrote doesn't make sense:
"He took my Dad to the bank a couple of years ago so that my Dad could get his accounts in order and make out a will. My father thought that the POA is assigned to carry out his wishes that everything be divided equally among his five children when he passed. He did not realize what it fully meant."
It sounds like your father was confused a few years ago between the purpose of a DPOA and a Will, and that your brother's intentions are not just recent.
Was there an attorney involved at all? And does your father actually have a Will?
Frankly, it sounds to me as if your brother is "B'S'ing" and manipulating you by telling you what your alleged obligations are to pay bills, etc. DEMAND to see proof! Make him produce these documents which require you to pay bills, etc., which I doubt really exist.
Somehow you'll need to find any document(s) when your brother is out of the house and see exactly what authority and arrangements they created. Make copies secretly, list the things your brother has done and hire your own elder law attorney as you most likely will need legal (and/or law enforcmeent) intervention to straighten out this situation.
Your attorney can contact the banks and ask for verification of your brother's authority. Sometimes they'll cooperate, but your attorney may have to begin litigation and use the discovery process to get relevant documentation.
If you do have to take this route, raise the issue with your own attorney about getting an injunction to stop your brother from any further action.
I do think your father needs to be apprised of the situation, but I would be very concerned that if he didn't in fact grant this authority to your brother, he would be very upset to realize what's happening behind his back. And the fact that's he in a rehab facility could make him feel helpless to stop the situation and impede his recovery.
I would see a lawyer first before informing your father. And I wouldn't tell the siblings what you're doing until you've seen an attorney.
But there are some other issues that are a bit confusing...why does your brother want you out of the house? Why aren't your other siblings concerned about the financial abuse?
But it might be worthwhile to explore this from another angle at the same time. Let's assume that your brother is acting within the scope of his responsibility: that is, at some time your father gave him his power of attorney, named him sole trustee of the family trust, and made him executor of his will. Your brother isn't lying or trying to rip you off, and your father doesn't remember or understand what he himself did a couple of years ago---or your father is fibbing to avoid upsetting you.
Let's assume your brother is looking to the future and believes that sooner or later, your father will need 24-hour professional care, which he can get better in a facility than at home. If your brother is acting in good faith, even if he's wrong, it makes sense to sell your father's house now and invest the funds. That will help finance his long-term care and provide for unexpected expenses.
You say your brother resents your not having a mortgage or house payment. In other words, you think he objects to your living in your father's house for "free." (If he believes that, of course, he has no idea how hard a caregiver works.)
But there's another possibility. Maybe he is worried that you aren't planning for your own future, that you won't be able to afford your own home after your father dies and you're hoping to stay on in your father's home rent-free because "you've earned it." So he thinks you need to plan for your own future now, rather than later, or you'll be in deep financial trouble.
What are your plans for yourself? What do you hope to do with your life after caregiving? Would you be better off if your father went into assisted living? (Please note, I'm a great believer in assisted living when it's the right facility; my mother seems ten years younger and several times healthier since she moved into assisted living.)
My best to you...
"Another question: my brother was able to move all of my father's bank accounts into another account and it names him as the Trust. What does that mean? I thought all of my father's children are Trust on his accounts not just him.
A person can't be named as a "trust" of an account. A trust identifies the Settlor, who creates the trust (i.e., your father), who also acts as the Trustee under a revocable living trust.
Successor Trustee(s) will also be identified; they assume responsibility for carrying out the terms of the trust after the Settlor dies.
A trust is typically titled "John James Doe Living Trust, under date of ____ __, 20..." Or if it's a different kind of trust, such as an irrevocable trust, the wording would be similar except the trust would be referred to as an irrevocable trust.
Beneficiaries are still named and identified.
I don't really understand how any bank account could name your brother as "Trust." This just doesn't make any sense.
If you mean he's identified as Successor Trustee, that does make sense.
As to all the other bank accounts, the same issue applies. You could be Successor Co-Trustees of the John James Doe Trust..., but you can't be named as a Trust.
I think sometimes these trust issues can really be confusing!
Ten weeks ago, your father lost the ability to walk; six weeks ago he developed pulmonary edema and was hospitalized; now he's in rehab and the nurses say he needs one-on-one care after discharge. He's obviously suffering a fast decline in his health and his needs are increasing.
Where can he best get the help he needs?
You believe that you can give him that in his own home, with home nursing help. Your brother believes that the best way to give him that is to place him in a facility that provides professional 24-hour care. Your other siblings agree with him. I'm sure both you and your siblings are trying to do what's best for your father; you just disagree on what that is.
If your brother has legal authority for what he plans to do, you will have to accept that. Then you will need to work together to make your father's remaining time as sweet as possible.
And remember that even if he didn't have that authority, what he intends to do is the same thing many, many loving families decide is best. There's nothing cruel or unreasonable about it.
BTW: assisted living doesn't necessarily mean living alone in a small apartment. Many assisted living facilities are more like hospital wards with home-y private rooms.
Why don't you ask your dad's case worker at rehab where he would most likely be placed if he were discharged to either assisted living or a nursing home (or a combination of both---they do exist in what are called "continuing care" facilities).
Visit those places; imagine how you could help your father feel "at home" there (mementos and photos from home; frequent visits; daily phone calls). Work with your siblings to relieve your father of concern about you, them and himself.
Good luck.
As the Specialist pointed out, you would have to rely heavily on home health care services to keep your father at home. Through a professional agency home help would run about $20 an hour. An independent contractor would probably charge $10 to $12 an hour.
It sounds from your posts as if you have a heavy work schedule. How many hours of outside help would your father need each day? Has he regained his mobility? Is he a fall risk? What would be the total cost to your father of staying at home --- his normal household expenses plus the cost of help? How does that compare to the alternatives?
From your posts, I gather that the decision has already been made to move your father to a particular "independent senior living" facility and you probably aren't going to be able to change that. If that's the case, the point of analyzing the cost of home care is just to satisfy yourself as to how good, or bad, an alternative it was. If your father does not do well in his new home, six months or a year from now you can revisit the whole matter with your siblings and propose to take him into YOUR home if that's what you think is best---with him/the trust paying for the home health care.
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