My mom lived with me here in UT for four months and couldn't breath here because of her COPD. Took her back to my sister's in NY and still having issues breathing. She is not talking to people who we can't see and and halucinating sometimes. She is up most of the night doing this for the last couple of nights except last night my sis told me she slept the entire night without having to get up to go to the bathroom. Very strange for my mom as she usually gets up 5-8 times a night. Hospice was called in today and they informed us that she may be with us from 2-3 months. They said she was in her last stage of life. I am a mess. I cry all the time. I feel like I didn't do what I should have done for her while she was here. I lost my patence way too fast but was frustrated that all she wanted to do was sleep. I was so stupid because I know this is not what she chooses to do but what her body is demanding. I said my goodbyes when I dropped her off at my sister's home but I feel like I need to be there by her side when she goes. This is so difficult because I live way across the map and have a child and husband that still needs me here. I know no one but God knows when her time to be in Heaven with Jesus is, but how do I prepare for this? I am 47 years old and feel like a child who is lost. This is not about me, I understand that, but I have no control over this situation and I don't know what to do. I ask for prayers to get my mom through her transition as peaceful as possible. As for me, I hope I can be strong in her time of need.
The bottom line is, for me, to try to focus on all the good I did and not beat myself up for the last month, but the personality of caregivers is one of complete dedication, we want to do everything right so of course we have regrets and guilt it is part of the caregivers personality or else we wouldn't be caregivers. We (caregivers) put the needs of others first.
My Mom was such a good and loving person I am sure in my heart that she has reunited with all her past relatives, God is rewarding her for all she has done her whole life and is happy and peaceful. I know if I give my worries to God he will console me and hope Mom can come and give a sign of encouragement.
I love you all on this website, you are all so loving and supportive.
I'm so grateful for my views of death, M is with Hospice now, it could be weeks or a few months... we don't know... and I'm glad we don't.... keeps us real....
So, yes we are praying for you and your mom and your family.... you are not alone... come back and tell us how we can help you... just vent if you need to... glad you are here.... we can do pretty much anything together.... hugs across the miles to you....
did your best. We are human, therefore, we have limitations. It's okay to cry. When I cry and pray to Christ, he helps me feel better and sometimes gives me a new perspective. No matter what your faith is, Christ will be glad to help you through this.
Please don't feel guilty about anything, but be grateful that you have 2-3 months left with your mom. Do you have a computer? If your sister has a laptop you could talk to her daily on Skype.
My mother in law had Alzheimers. She was at home for 4 years and a nursing facility for 5. We brought her home for her last days. I felt so guilty about the nursing home but she was happy there. I came to the realization that things would happen in God's time and not mine and my responsibility was to make her comfortable and happy while she was here with us.
She was at home for 12 days. Hospice was here and they were wonderful. They prepared me every step of the way. If I were in your position, I would contact your sister as often as possible and be a support for her. She can also keep you updated about the progression and what Hospice is telling the family. I brought Mom home because I knew she would get better treatment at home with the family. We were trained to give her the meds and take care of all her needs.
When she passed, I was able to tell her it was time to go with Pap pap and I got in bed with her and held her so she wouldn't be afraid.
Even though Mom was home, her children were in denial that she was passing and they didn't come to see her until they were called that she was passing. They didn't visit her much in the nursing home either. I guess if they weren't around to see what is going on, it is easy to pretend it is not happening. She was like a mother to me and I miss her every moment. She did everything with my family. I would be like you Carmen and worry all the time because I wouldn't have any control of the situation. The best thing you can do is try to support your sister and do what you can to be there in the end.
Mom had alzheimers but she new where she was when she came home. She also shared things with us that we never thought she would remember. The day before Thanksgiving she couldn't move on her own or speak. Thanksgiving Day she woke up to the smell of Turkey and she didn't need her Morphine, she was her old self all day but she still wouldn't eat. We had our dinner in the TV room where her bed was. She offered to help me cook and clean up if I would get her out of bed. It was a wonderful gift from God. That night about 7:00 she needed her meds. She never awoke again. She passed the next day.
What I am trying to tell you is please don't look at these next few months with sadness but with joy. Our time on earth is just preparing us for our time in a place where there is no sickness or pain. In the end, things may happen that you know she is going to that place. My mother in law talked to her mom and dad all the time. This is the time we are given to make peace with our parent but more importantly it is their time to make peace with themselves. In their minds, they are preparing for the journey and you have to look at it with this perspective or you will go crazy. This doesn't help your family at home either. God Bless and if I can be of any help or assistance, please let me know...
This is a difficult time for all. I gather people can feel like an orphan when both parents have passed, I don't have that experience yet, so feeling like a lost child may not be that unusual. By all means cry, and express your grief as you need to. My heart goes out to you.((((((Hugs))))))) and prayers at this difficult time in your life. Let us know what you work out. Joan
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