My Mom is 85 and has had a serious infection that is now cleared up. But she is not bouncing back and the doctors feel she is dying. There is nothing medically wrong but for the last 5 months, she is just deteriorating and losing interest in things. I beg her every night not to give up. I'm bringing her home tomorrow and having palliative care from home. How can I just stand by and watch my Mom die?
This sounds a lot like my mother's situation but I started asking her what was going on and whether she was trying to die. That kind of got her to realize she'd given up. She responded with statements to the effect that, no, she didn't.. My response was something to the effect that, if she didn't want to die, she'd have to start going along with the things I was trying to get her to do (prescribed from her doctor). At this point, she's not in the greatest shape, but she's doing okay.
i miss my mother but the realist in me says she was very fortunate to live 82 years old. her organs were all diseased from 60 years of diabetes. why would i want to see her suffer for another decade? to an extent dementia detached her from the reality of her end of life. in her world she could believe whatever she wanted and noone would dispute it.. dementia provided a degree of tranquility.
dementia is being kind to my 89 yr old aunt right now. she doesnt miss her home. theres just today and the small creature comforts today might provide.
She's now in a very nice assisted living facility, memory loss care section.
But she has stopped eating completely for last week. No matter what we do, she refuses to eat. Sips water, Ensure bottle lasted 5 days. Is very thin & weak.
It's very difficult to watch her detoriate. But we must accept the cycle of life.
I feel extreme guilt not having her at my home. Feel it would be too much for my husband & I to take care of her. I have stage IV colon cancer, need 2nd operation, plus I'm still working.
How has her mental health been? Could she be depressed? Has she ever been treated for that?
Perhaps being back in familiar surroundings will perk her up a bit. Perhaps not. It should be helpful to have some palliative care at home. The nurses can help you understand what is going on.
It is the natural order of things for parents to die before their children. Most of us experience our parents' deaths. It is usually very painful for us. And it is usually out of our hands. If you think there is anything you can do to nurse your mother back to health, feel free to try it. If this turns out to be her time to die, it won't be a matter of you "letting" her. Some things are just not in our control.
I am sorry that you are facing this now. Hugs to you.