We placed my dearly-loved mother to a care facility a little over a month ago. We wanted a lovely personal care apartment for her, but when her falling became an issue, she was placed in the Memory Support division. She does indeed become forgetful and experiences falling, so we could understand her being in a more "watchful" environment. HOWEVER, her mind is still sharp albeit some confusion at times, and she wants stimulating conversation with other residents which she is not receiving from fellow residents in the Memory Support section. Mother called me again today, citing that she is lonely and very bored. Now mind you, we know she will claim to be homesick, we expect her to have some transition complaints, we won't be surprised if she doesn't like an activity or two, but LONELY and BORED is unacceptable! Her happiness and friendships are a huge priority for us as a family, and she doesn't seem to be making these. My question is this: Without becoming a "care home hopper" (!), do folks out there move their loved one if they aren't happy? We only need to give a 30-day notice. Thanks for "listening" to our concern.
This can be a tricky question to answer. I looked at your profile page and didn't see anything so I wasn't able to determine if she has been officially diagnosed with some type of dementia so I will only tell you my experience.
My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when she was 89 back in 2014. My husband and I sold her house in order to pay for her to live in an ALF. I got her the homiest looking apartment and took as many pieces of her furniture hoping it would ease the transition. She was a trooper and seemed to be ok living there. Our disappointment was that she didn't want to do many of the activities at all or unless I did them with her other than playing Bingo 3x a week. She was like your mom in a way not liking many of the others because they didn't provide stimulating conversation - in other words they were all pretty much worse off than she was whether or not they even had dementia issues. She felt she didn't belong there.
We thought about moving her especially when the communication within the facility worsened after the original husband and wife owners retired and sold it to a small Senior Living Company. But, our immediate thought was we would have the same issues somewhere else plus the fact the majority of experts would say they don't handle the change well. So we kept her there while I continued to battle with the facility over many issues.
COVID changed everything. Her facility ended up with a high number of cases/deaths and was on every local news station. One day in April, we got a call from an outside mobile doctor's nurse who said she was near death from severe dehydration and had COVID. After her 4 day hospital stay and 3 week rehab stay, there was NO WAY I could take her back there in good conscience. She had been perfectly mobile at now 95 years old and could dress herself and feed herself. Not anymore, she lost 30 pounds, wasn't eating much, wasn't sleeping well so she was falling more frequently and was no longer capable of walking or dressing herself.
With all that being said, we moved her to a new facility into their memory care wing and she now qualified to receive hospice care. For us, it was the best thing for her and of course hindsight being 20/20, we wish we had moved her at least one, if not two years ago and this would never have happened to her. She is receiving more and better care. This facility works real hard at trying to get her out of her apartment and eat in the dining room and wants her to engage in activities. That part has been the most difficult but, they never gave up on her. The new director who was the activity director before being promoted would bring her dogs and puppies to my mom, one of them gave her a manicure and she is starting to go to the dining room a little more frequently. I got a picture from the director yesterday showing my mom in their activity room working on a craft which I saw the finished project today when I went for a "window visit."
She moved there around mid-May and she has on several occasions said she is "comfortable" there and likes it.
It's so hard to know what to do because it could have gone the other way. It's one of those decisions where there's no way to predict the outcome until one takes "the leap."
I pray you will be given wisdom and clarity as you try to make the right and best decision for your mom. Best wishes to you and your family!
I would say to find an Asst living. I would find out why she is falling. Not using her walker? Neuropathy in her ankles/feet. If so, she is not to pivot. You can get a doctors order for therapy at the facility. This will help determine what the problem is. Maybe she would be better in a wheelchair.