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We recently moved mom into a new AL/MC facility. She is at end-stages of dementia but still wants to eat and drink however, her physical limitations due to dementia prevent her from getting food on utensils or food into mouth. At moms entrance to Facility they were told she was a full-assist needed help eating, toileting, everything. They said that was fine. After a few months at breakfast one morning I was told by several other residents in AL that mom was struggling to eat at dinner the night before, several residents tried to intervene and were told to not talk to my mom and get away, that they (Facility) weren't allowed to feed her. Needless to say I've been going in for every meal and am exhausted. The ED still has not responded to my question if they feed MC residents or not but, rather redirects the conversation into unfounded accusations against me (but never raised them to me just everyone else). The ED has been dismissive to my concerns and I'm beyond frustrated. The ED is actually pitting CG's and family members against each other because we think CGs are supposed to be doing X, Y & Z and they're really not. I went to HR to try and move forward...and low and behold I was told by her they cannot feed the MEMORY CARE DEMENTIA patients...We were completely misled on this issue. This issue is only one of many but my biggest concern at the moment. I would appreciate any input or suggestions?? Thank you.

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What is the REASON they can't feed the dementia patients?

Can they cite a regulation they are adhering to?

Consider contacting the Ombudsman to resolve this.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
The ED has not ever given me an answer to the question about feeding she always redirects conversation so I went around her to HR and she told me they don't feed residents, that they can put food on utensils but not up to their mouths. I have a meeting with hospice and HR and ED today to discuss this and several other issues that are concerning to me. Thank you for your response.
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Yes, contact an ombudsman. The admin's handling of this with you should be reported to any executives higher up. In the future, make sure you do all communicating by email -- then you will have a "paper" trail of what you were told, when and by whom. It's the only way I communicate with my MIL's facility.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Thanks for the great advice.
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This kind of thing happens all too often in AL level facilities, they are simply not designed to provide such a high level of care no matter what they promise. The people living in these facilities are no longer the happy able bodies seniors you see on all those commercials (if they ever were), the needs of the people opting for AL/MC are increasing while staffing levels are not and providing adequate, timely care is an impossibility. Unless the resident can pony up for an additional one on one caregiver any fix ix going to be purely cosmetic and will inevitably come at the expense of a different resident's care. Please consider moving her to a nursing home level of care facility.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Mom lives in Memory care locked part of facility no AL, sorry for confusion. Your so right I have voiced my concerns several times over the last several months, the first few times, the issues were resolved for a few days and then returned; the last few times the ED was completely dismissive to my concerns. If I could move her I would. Thanks for your response
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Assisted living is supposed to be a lower level of care than memory care or skilled nursing.
If your mother is that far gone with dementia that she can't put food in her own mouth anymore, she belongs in a nursing home not assisted living.
The facility she's in needs to be reported at once because they are allowing residents to stay who are clearly beyond their scope of care services. This can be dangerous to not just the resident but all the others as well. It's also wrong to have a person so out of it with dementia that they can't even feed themselves with the other residents who are not so bad off.
I worked in an assisted living facility years ago that had very specific rules. All residents had to be able to walk without assistance (walkers and canes were fine). They had to be able to dress, feed, and toilet independently. The administrator was determined to make sure every bed was filled and was allowing residents to stay who had advanced dementia and would wander off because they didn't know better. Residents who had become diaper-dependent incontinent and ones who were no longer able to decently feed themselves with eating utensils. Then the staff was expected to pick up the slack. Hands-on care was not part of my job at the residence and I plainly refused to do any. I had to turn them into the state when a resident far gone with dementia left and got on a bus to go shopping.
Your mother is not safe in the assisted living facility. She needs a higher level of care and that will mean a nursing home.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Thanks for insight and suggestions. Mom lives in the Memory Care Locked part of the facility. There's several other residents not eating or being assisted as well.
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I really do think if someone needs to be fed that MC is not the place for them. An AL not at all. Neither have the aides to feed people. I think Mom needs a higher level of care. Time to place her in Long-term care.

ALs and MCs are for people who need very little assistance. They need to be able to feed themselves at least.
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AnnReid Dec 2021
Absolutely, and once the maximum degree of assistance is reached, a skilled nursing facility has more staff and more planned routine for clients who need it.
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Floridagirl,

If there are other residents in the MC that are similar to your mother and not being fed and properly cared for then they need to be reported to the state and a call has to go to APS (Adult Protective Services) because this neglect.
When your mother took up residency in this facility there would have been admitting paperwork that someone had to sign. There would also have been paperwork describing the type of care and services they offer. If they state and made it clear that the facility does not provide invalid care then the residents who cannot independently feed are invalids and do not belong there. The administration is not supposed to allow them to stay because they do not provide this kind of care.
This facility your mother is in needs to get reported to the proper authorities.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Thank you for this most pertinent information, my brother is the POA and I haven't been able to get paperwork however, I have requested it from ED several times and she says they don't have anything to give me, that they are writing one. Its ludacris.
BTW there's definitely neglect. They have a MC resident who has been violent 6 or 7 times (1x she punched mom in the face making her bleed). The lady has been baker acted and returned to this facility over and over; in fact, on Sat morning she punched a CG in face was removed by ambulance and allowed to return sat evening; she was violent again sun am and removed again. I'm sure they'll allow her back.
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Floridagirl,

You don't need paperwork to make a call to APS and report the facility your mother is in.
Invalids unable to feed themselves who aren't being fed by someone is abuse and neglect.
Make a call yourself to APS. The make another one to the mayor of the town or city this facility is in and another to your governor. I see from your name that Florida must be your state. Although it is a very beautiful place, especially Key West I pity all Floridians because of who your governor is. Make a complaint to his office about this facility anyway.
Next time you visit your mother, bring a friend. One with a cellphone who can discreetly record invalid residents unsuccessfully trying to slop food into their mouths without assistance. Or one of other residents with dementia attempting to feed someone. Send that video off to a local news station. Or better still make a couple of copies. Send one to ABC World News Tonight. Address to David Muir personally. Send another to 20/20 or 60 Minutes. They love stories like this. These are actions you can take without paperwork.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Thank you BurntCaregiver, I know I'm not alone but I really feel alone, overwhelmed and so frustrated by this situation. There's so much more that's going on there. Thank you for your advise.
Feel the same about the Gov.
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Time to contact the ombudsman. This is very unusual. Keep a diary of your attempts to communicate, the way in which you had to find this out, and what you are being told.
You say they are making unfounded accusations against you. This seems a complex issue and I think it needs intervention by ombudsman, as you are getting told different things. As I said, keep a diary.
Reading your responses below I see that you are not the POA. This means that you are really NOT the one they will communicate with. They will communicate with the POA. And the POA is the one who must place complaints, speak with administration, lodge complaints, communicate, and call in Ombudsman. I would speak with your brother.
If you are seeing real weight loss, emaciation, failure to thrive, you are free to call adult protective services but I feel that with your brother serving as POA you may be left to get together with him to find a way forward.
Do know that your constant going in to feed your Mom will by the nature of things put her last on the list to be fed. It falls under Beatty's law of "There will be no solution if you are all of the solutions".
Sure do wish you luck.
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Oh yes, after the ED was dismissive to me my brother came in a few hours later and expressed are concerns to which she replied, "your sister is selling drugs door-to-door in the facility" and changed the conversation, never answering any our concerns. Of course, I'm not and she never brought it up to me only others to deflect from having to answer questions. Kinda crazy.

No other family members ever go in at mealtime. I'm just not able to bring myself to not help my mom when she's already lost so much weight and still wants to eat.
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Has the facility done a care plan meeting? This should show that your mom needs this as a care item, just like her medication it should be listed on the written plan.

I think that your brother needs to be like a pitbull and ask the question again, when the ED says something nonsequetor then he just asks again. Yes ED, I hear you, however, my question is, "Why isn't my mom receiving feedings?" Keep asking the question until it gets answered.

I would record the conversation and I would be upfront about it. I am going to record our conversation ED because I have family members that want to know, okay with you? Be recording during this time, if they say no, I would say that we need to do this in writing then, because I am having a hard time remembering and I like to be able to refer back to conversations and not keep bothering you with the same questions.

I have never heard that a MC facility doesn't help feed a person. My concern would be that they aren't capable of providing her the level of care she needs.

This type of neglect would get you thrown in jail for elder abuse. I would report them to DHHS, Medicare, Ombudsman, APS and the Area on Aging, because they will report them, as well. Get your brother to do the same. Many reports by different people gets attention.

I would also mention the false allegations against you. This could get you prosecuted and with nothing in writing about lack of moms care it can get ugly.

One question. If mom isn't being fed, unless you do it, why hasn't she been moved? What else aren't they taking care of?
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Floridagirl6 Dec 2021
Thanks for your reply... we have a meeting scheduled with hospice HR & ED to discuss everything.
You are so right Isthisrealyreal, the list of things they aren't doing is very long.
Thanks for all your suggestions. I do believe after the meeting I will need to make a few phone calls to the appropriate folks.
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I would report them to the state, ASAP.

Have you been going in to feed her? Can she feed herself handheld foods that you can provide? Can she hold a drink ? Or need a straw or what will allow her to be more independent in keeping herself alive?

It stinks that they misled you. They are being grossly negligent in their lack of care for patients that need eating assistance. I understand that it may be nearly impossible for them to provide this, but is also inhumane.

I would look at moving her elsewhere to a nursing home ASAP. Perhaps an aide needs to be hired to help her eat and drink at least once a day, at the meal she is most likely to be awake and hungry at.
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ckrestaurant1 Dec 2021
Yes Iam sure no one sits and feeds these seniors...as I personally went everyday and bought a blender with fresh fruit and yogurt everyday to make a smoothie...i did not think to ask..actually until i tasted the food which was too hard to chew, you order pureed diet...but if patient is too old to pick up the fork..now remember they sometimes cannot even see the food..dad did not even understand his water container...to pickup and drink and was not cognizant enough to use a call bell...point here is they will starve or be dehydrated, diaper need not be changed...get it?
I know if they refuse food the attendant is not required to force...apparently sitting with one patient while they eat is too much time and effort unless its a five star facility...i unexpectedtly arrived with one attendant feeding six patients with her feeding only one while the others were just sitting there with food getting cold..its a tough call...why put these poor vulnerable souls there in the first place???they will die sooner thats for sure.they did not feed at the NH that i put dad into...
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I have no idea why they told you they would feed her. Maybe miscommunication? Someone didn't hear u. Maybe they assist is placing a fork in her hand. Making sure she is eating, encouraging her but not actually feeding like a baby.

MC is really no different than an AL. Just for Dementia residents that need to be in lockdown with supervision.

Not sure if you can report them. They are under certain State mandates but being privately owned, they can make their own rules. Your Mom needs a hire level of care. States are stricter with Longterm care facilities probably because these residents can't speak for themselves.
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Call the ombudsman and register a complaint. I'm not sure how it works in Florida, but I was able to file a complaint online and they showed up at the nursing home the next day to investigate. Here's a link to the Florida site: https://ombudsman.elderaffairs.org/file-a-complaint/
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MHHE1967 Dec 2021
Did the nursing home staff say anything to you about reporting them?
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Time to move your loved one to another, better facility. Sorry you are having this experience. If they try to hold onto funds, please contact a lawyer who specializes in elder law.
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Feeding a patient who cannot feed themselves is considered skilled nursing care. Aides in hospitals and nursing homes can do it as they have been taught the particular strategies to use to reduce risk of choking/inhaling food, etc. AND there is always a licensed nurse on the unit who can come right away if a patient is choking.
CGs in AL and memory care do NOT feed patients, it is a big liability issue.
If a private CG feeds a patient in their private room and the facility doesn't know..'believes' patient is feeding self...it can be done that way.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2021
Every MC I checked would definitely feed someone who is unable. I personally saw it being done.

I don't think we can realistically say what any facility will or won't do. They apparently are very different facility to facility, state to state and region to region.
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My mom is in a wonderful MC Facility. Besides Dementia, she has glaucoma and her vision is almost gone. The wonderful nurses assist her with bathing, bathroom, etc.....I have been there when they assist with her eating at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sometimes when they tell her where food is, she does eat on her own. They never allow her to go without and they do the same for all resident. Look into this lack of nursing care. I wish you all the best for your loved one.
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I too have found the limitations of "memory care". Is she eligible for hospice? While in memory care, my mother was deemed eligible (Pennsylvania) and got 5 days a week aide, twice a week nurse coordinator, chaplain.
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Floridagirl6: Imho, perhaps your mother needs a higher level of care.
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Floridagirl,

How did your meeting turn out?

Did you get anything resolved?
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Floridagirl6 Jan 2022
The meeting was a washout. They don't do plan of care, haven't responded to any of the questions or requests for info from meeting. ED denied having conversations concerning these issues previously. I filed a complaint & will see what happens. Thanks!
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The sad truth is that all nursing facilities are now running short staffed, even more than before, Whether it's because of Covid or the fact that CNA's in particular are probably making more money by not working, thanks to the government handout, it's a fact that facilities are running shorter staffed than ever.
When I volunteered for Hospice for 8 1/2 years, a lot of my patients were living in nursing facilities/memory care, and that was an issue even then, people not getting fed in a timely manner. Often if the person I was visiting needed help being fed, I would feed them, and then if there was someone else near by that was waiting to be fed I would feed them as well.
And now that my husband is dead I've been looking for opportunities to volunteer in, and my first thought was to go to some of my local nursing facilities at lunch time to help feed those that can't feed themselves, but after calling several of them, I was told that because of Covid, they are not allowing any volunteers to come in at all. And that is so sad, as it's the dear patients that suffer because of that.
I would say that you might need to hire someone to come at meal times to feed your loved one,(if you or someone else isn't able to)but if they're not letting volunteers in, I'm not sure if they would let hired help in either.
Best wishes in getting this figured out.
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