Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I don't think it's fair. My husband always looked forward to moving to Arizona when he retired. We bought a place, planning on her coming with us. My mother-in-law is 85 and refuses to go with us. Do we just leave her? My husband feels very guilty.
No, you shouldn't just leave her. Make arrangements to keep in touch with her. Does she have disabilities, chronic conditions, other issues of concern? If so, touch bases with the professionals who monitor her care. If she hasn't signed a HIPAA waiver they may not be able to talk about her to you, but they can listen and should be aware of this change. And if at all possible convince Mom to sign a waiver at each place she gets medical care so you can have conversations there is something arises.
Make sure that her good friends, her church group, her bridge club, her motorcycle club -- any people she interacts with regularly -- know that you are leaving, that she chooses to stay where she is, but you still care very much about her welfare and would welcome a call or email if anything concerns them about your MIL.
Call her frequently. Don't pester her about moving. Just check how she is and tell her about your new life -- the good, the bad, and the beautiful!
After you are settled in, and not in the peak heat of the summer, invite her to spend a couple of weeks with you. Escape the worst of the heat yourselves by going back to visit her and your other friends back home occasionally.
It is harder to care for someone from a distance, but if she is able to live independently, then that is what must happen in your case.
Oh Boy, what a guilt trip! That's tough. My first impulse is to advise you to go and enjoy your retirement. Mil can be well care for long distance. I've been lond distance caring for my folks but I moved away 30 years ago. If you stay you'll live to regret it and have a lot of resentment for the mil. Bring mom out for a " visit" once you get settled. Who knows, she might just settle in to a new place near you.
You don't say what your MIL's impairments are. I would arrange for her care and carry out your own retirement plans. If your MIL can live independently for several more years with you being in touch from afar, that's great. I would follow all of Jeanne's suggestions.
Once you get settled, start researching facilities (Independent Living, Assisted Living, Nursing Homes, Memory Care, Continuing Care facilities. At some point in the future, MIL may need one of these and it will be good to have done the research in advance. Let's say she falls and breaks a hip back home. She has surgery and does some rehab where she lives, and then is transported to a facility near you.
One main question, does your Mom-in-law care if her son and you move out of State? If she doesn't care and prefers to remain in a community she has known for many years, where her friends are located, her faithful doctors, and her hairdresser, then let her stay.
If Mom-in-law is living in a retirement community and in fairly good health for her age [your profile doesn't say], then don't worry about it. Many grown children are logistic caregivers, thus are not hands-on personal care. Those grown children make arrangements for caregivers to come in when the time comes, and if Mom-in-law will open the front door for them.
Yes, you and your hubby will worry about Mom, but you would worry if you stilled lived in the same town.
Don't put your life on hold for your MIL. She is competent to make her own decisions (to stay). You are competent adults and can make your own decisions (to move). Neither one of you need to give up your lives for the other. Stay in touch, be flexible, and find ways to make it work as MIL needs more care (assisted living, etc), Thanks!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Yes, you should go.
No, you shouldn't just leave her. Make arrangements to keep in touch with her. Does she have disabilities, chronic conditions, other issues of concern? If so, touch bases with the professionals who monitor her care. If she hasn't signed a HIPAA waiver they may not be able to talk about her to you, but they can listen and should be aware of this change. And if at all possible convince Mom to sign a waiver at each place she gets medical care so you can have conversations there is something arises.
Make sure that her good friends, her church group, her bridge club, her motorcycle club -- any people she interacts with regularly -- know that you are leaving, that she chooses to stay where she is, but you still care very much about her welfare and would welcome a call or email if anything concerns them about your MIL.
Call her frequently. Don't pester her about moving. Just check how she is and tell her about your new life -- the good, the bad, and the beautiful!
After you are settled in, and not in the peak heat of the summer, invite her to spend a couple of weeks with you. Escape the worst of the heat yourselves by going back to visit her and your other friends back home occasionally.
It is harder to care for someone from a distance, but if she is able to live independently, then that is what must happen in your case.
Once you get settled, start researching facilities (Independent Living, Assisted Living, Nursing Homes, Memory Care, Continuing Care facilities. At some point in the future, MIL may need one of these and it will be good to have done the research in advance. Let's say she falls and breaks a hip back home. She has surgery and does some rehab where she lives, and then is transported to a facility near you.
It's your retirement. Enjoy it.
If Mom-in-law is living in a retirement community and in fairly good health for her age [your profile doesn't say], then don't worry about it. Many grown children are logistic caregivers, thus are not hands-on personal care. Those grown children make arrangements for caregivers to come in when the time comes, and if Mom-in-law will open the front door for them.
Yes, you and your hubby will worry about Mom, but you would worry if you stilled lived in the same town.
I still like you!