She gets very angry if I call her on things. My mothers mother had severe dementia, my mother made me promise that if she was every like that I had to tell her. Well, I told her. She was very angry. She sees a holistic dr. who prescribed vitamins for her memory loss.
Apparently she does recognize that she has some memory loss and she's discussed it with her holistic doctor. That is a good start. Has she been on the supplements long enough to tell whether they are helping at all? Aricept is a drug that is often prescribed for early stage dementia. It is very helpful for some and not useful for others. Maybe you could build on her willingness to take the vitamins to get her to try other meds. Would her doctor be willing, do you think?
I don't think it is going to be very helpful to repeatedly call her on her memory lapses. Instead, try to help her compensate. If she takes pills, helping her use a weekly pill box will reduce the missed doses. A big calendar with appointments prominently displayed is helpful. Both of you can get in the habit of writing things down -- even simple things that would have been easily remembered before. Many people find a small (or not so small) white board or chalk board useful, if paper messages tend to get misplaced.
You can assume that the memory loss is going to get worse, and perhaps other dementia symptoms will be added, although how soon and at what rate the progression will happen is impossible to know. All you can do is take it one day at a time.
Does your mother live alone now? You might start thinking about how to arrange things so she can retain her independence as long as possible, and also start thinking about what comes after that, if she does reach a point where she cannot safely remain independent.
Good luck!
instead of 'calling' her on things, ive learned to predict what my dads going to do and i 'clear the path' if you will so he can do whatever with no snags..
you gotta figure, shes not just mad at you, shes mad at herself because her mind is slipping and shes in that 'fighting to get it back' mode. anything that even slightly looks like a fight, shes gonna bark.pointing out her flaws aint gonna help, she knows her minds slipping, so it really doesnt help to remind her.
im just saying, i dont know your situation, but from what ive learned, YOU will need to change your tactics, trust me, its much easier to change your moves and get along than to have to fight. i hate fighting. so i get clever.if you know something thats gonna make her mad, just take care of it before she has too. remember, her mind isnt gonna get better, for your own sanity you'll need to learn new tactics. getting mad is no fun...
She was always oppositional, but had a convieinent memory. Now she is oppositional without a good memory. Thank you!!! I will save a lot of grief by trying to have as much peace as possible.
I noticed you said your mom was good with big things, but not many others. Are you relying on her word as to what she does and does not forget? That can be risky as her reports may not be accurate. She may have it on a calendar, but forget to check a calendar. Often the concept of the calendar is not fully appreciated.
If she is acting as you describe, it may be that she is not able to act on her own behalf. People with dementia often do not understand what you mean by the term. They don't believe it applies to them. They will often act in ways that are not in their own best interests. It's tough to handle, but there are ways around it. If that is the case, hurt feelings cannot prevent safeguards from being introduced.
It's nice you are so thoughtful of your mom's feelings. Normally, the memory gets much worse and the reasoning goes too. I have witnessed this firsthand. I would read a lot to find ways to handle her, if she progresses, because it's not usual for someone with AD or some other condition to think rationally and agree with your requests. They can be become hostile and resistant. I would have plan A and plan B to help her. If your dad is aware of this, he may be hesitant to upset her either.
Maybe the holistic doc needs to read it and maybe this stuff might actually help.
But, this would be more for Alzheimer or mixed than vascular (stroke-related) dementias...
It is hard, but a huge part of dementia of any type is the fact that the person is losing reasoning ability, often first even more so than memory, and therefore becomes very unreasonable at times - so things they would have agreed to before as making perfect sense are out the window.