I'm 68. I am a recent widow after 30 years of marriage. My hubby died 11/1/23. He had COPD and was a disabled veteran (USA RET/Desert Storm vet). He didn't require the full level of care that some do, but I provided all his care. He was my life and I was happy to do it.
Now I've been alone for a few months and I'm very lonely. I have a BIL and SIL who I see maybe once a month; they're involved with their DTR/SIL/grandkids in another town. My hubby and I did not have friends here; we had only moved here a couple of years before.
Things around the house have started to become very difficult for me, such as laundry, groceries, keeping up with the house, etc. I don't think I need an AL level of care just yet. Simplifying my life and living in an apartment vs. the huge house I'm in would probably help me deal with everything. I'm not sure, though, if that would be enough.
I'm trying to decide if I should sell my house and move into an IL facility or just rent an apartment. I have severe arthritis and I'll be having knee replacement surgery in 3 weeks, with another surgery probably a few months later. My hips may be next; we'll see. But I still have a car and can get out whenever I want. I'm very active in my sewing. But those things still leave me lonely. I'm wondering if I would be able to make friends more easily if I move into IL. I'm rather shy when it comes to making new friends.
Any thoughts on my situation? What would you recommend?
find a grief group like Griefshare to deal with your loss and the changes that losing your spouse has brought,
find a support group for people with arthritis - many local hospitals can point to you a support group - to help you find ways to cope with this disease process,
find a sewing group that meets weekly,
join a local faith community (church, synagogue, mosque) and get involved with a ladies group that meets weekly,
try new hobbies and activities through classes, seminars... through local recreation center, local college, YMCA etc.,
volunteer for a worthy cause at least weekly,
consider getting a part time job - you meet people and make a little money to spend on the other things you enjoy.
FYI - IL is more expensive than just downsizing to a smaller apartment. To consider how big your downsized home should be, start clearing out "extra rooms" and sell or donate the "extra items". Live in the smaller part of your home (kitchen, bedroom, living room...) for several months to make sure the "fit" is right. After this, then sell your home and move someplace smaller - preferably with ADA compliance.
A condo is probably better than renting an apartment - you own the "home" and others do the yardwork and maintain the building. My mom (80s) is doing very well in a ground floor condo in a smaller complex. The association fees are modest. She goes to a local church and helps lead a Bible study. She helps weekly at the food pantry. She has joined the local YMCA using their Silver Sneakers program to do water aerobics. She has made friends with some of her neighbors by walking the neighborhood, gardening, and intentionally inviting some to dinner to to play games.
After a year, she got bored at the ILF and informed all her children that she was purchasing a manufactured home in the area and moving there. It was closer to her church and senior community center she was involved in. She made friends in the park, she continued her church activities, she made friends (card playing among other things) at the senior center.
She found ways to make simple meals and applied for meals on wheels. She passed three years after moving into the manufactured home that worked well for her until her cancer returned with a vengence.
My point is that depending on your money situation, a decision today doesn't have to be the end of decision making or life.
As some have suggested, consider attending classes or joining groups via Zoom. Regularly seeing the same faces in Zoom classes and discussion groups makes a lot of people feel less lonely. Check on sites like AARP's Senior Planet. There are exercise classes, discussion groups, technology classes and interest group meetings. Zoom groups that allow a few minutes of socializing before and after class are very welcoming and might help you feel less lonely.