My mom has stage 4 metastasized breast cancer. I’m her oldest daughter and only caregiver. We just lost my other sister a month ago. She was very controlling with mom (loved her dearly though) so I didn’t make many decisions. I’m her POA but stayed back due to conflict with sister. My mom is deteriorating quickly but I’m not sure I can handle all this by myself. Hospice helps some but I am really struggling moving in with mom since the room I’ll be sleeping in is the one where my sister just died. I visited an Assisted Living facility and all I can say is I would love to live there. My other sister is sad I’m thinking about placing mom but she understands. She works all the time and can’t help me. I feel part of the reason my sister died was she was so depressed about mom dying and put too much on herself. I don’t want to end up like her. I want the best for mom but I’m torn on what to do. Mom probably will be disappointed in me if I try and place her but I need help. I would visit mom daily and I feel real good about this place. Mom has fallen twice, doesn’t take her pills correctly, needs someone to make her meals , very forgetful and weak, needs help with baths, can’t hardly hear or see anymore and is very forgetful. I’m not sure if mom will live another day or another 3 months. Am I being selfish thinking about doing this? Should I just toughen up and move with her?
My Dad loved his senior facility. We use to joke about his "college dorm" room. And Dad brought all of his bookcases and books. Dad also was a fall risk and would forget to take his pills, thus the senior facility would handle that. The meals at Dad's place were outstanding so that was a huge plus, as Dad wouldn't forget about breakfast, lunch, and dinner times :)
This was so helpful for me because I knew he was getting good care. Plus I would ask Dad if he could change anything about the place, what would change. He would smile and say everything is perfect.
I was glad my Dad was in good hands, as for me being a senior citizen myself, I just couldn't do everything and Dad understood that. When my Mom was still alive, she was a handful refusing to realize that she and Dad [both 90+] needed more help than I could give. Mom refused strangers in the house, and refused to downsize. In her eyes, I was still that 25 year old who had a ton of energy, not 65+ with my own age decline issues.
Hospice should be bathing Mom at least 3x a week.
Do what is right for her, you sound like you are in over your head. Sending support your way!
Mum may need a higher level of care than AL. You need to have her assessed to determine which level of care she needs.