I am a 63 yo bachelor who has lived alone for 30+ years. I enjoy my freedom to come and go as I please, and like the fact if a GF gets too close, I show her the door. I have a couple of indoor kittens, and find they are adequate company at my age.
If I spend $50k to separate my home and bring mum in with restrictions, like no access to stove, getting outdoors w/o supevision, etc. Am I setting myself up for a "horror show"? I have not lived with her since I was 15, and I know from some nurses and doctors that she has a very angry streak that appears on ocaission. Of course place that charges $5k a month does not recommend this, but money is running out FAST!! I can't find a non-bias and informed person to discuss this :( Thank you for time to read this, Larry T.
"Combative" is a polite way to say you will not recognize your mom, it is as though she is gone and another person has replaced her. Angry, not sleeping, fighting you on everything from food to dressing and bathing. Ahmijoy described the future very well. Please stay with the facility, visit her, be her advocate and file for Medicaid with the help of the facility or county. All the best to you.
You would regret moving her in, your life would no longer be your own, you would need to have 24/7 caregivers and that is more expensive than a facility. That is my opinion in a nutshell.
I didn't even last 1 day before I knew that my dad couldn't live in my home, no matter what. I wasn't giving up my life so he didn't have to do things he didn't want to.
Please understand that if you do decide to remodel your home for her and she comes to live with you, you will not be able to put “restrictions “ on her. People with dementia cannot follow rules very well. If she has a penchant for wandering off, simply telling her not to will not stop her. She will need 24/7 protection to stop her—a live in “sitter” or two, door alarms, etc. She will also not stay away from your stove and you will need to install child proof “locks” on the controls or a door on the kitchen that can be closed and locked. You will not be able to restrict her from doing anything. She will be a part of your entire life until she passes. You will be giving up your privacy, your freedom and your social life. If you go out without her, you will need a sitter. Because of this, you may come to resent her. In the end, you may decide she needs to go to a facility anyway.
Living with a person you have not since the age of 15, who has a predisposition for becoming angry and perhaps combative and who will bring with her a whole host of issues and needs far surpasses your current living methods and showing women the door when the relationship no longer suits you or taking care of kittens who are independent and tiny. Are you prepared to face the fact that your mother may, at some point, become incontinent and you will need to change her? Or that you may have to bathe her? Feed her? Dementia is an awful disease and there is no reverse gear. If you live in the USA, you may want to explore Medicaid.
I vote no on moving your poor mom in with you. Living with a demented person with an angry streak does not seem sustainable. You sound like a loving son -- would you be jeopardizing your relationship with her by trying to live under the same roof with her?