Mother fell and broke her hip last summer and had to move to assisted living. She has not regained her ability to walk mostly due lack of motivation which she calls fear. Additionally she has urinary incontinence and sometimes fecal incontinence when straining.
Her baby brother (79) passed away Saturday. I am struggling to try to get her to the funeral in Colorado Springs. She requires assistance with almost everything and we do not have family or additional support. I am her primary caregiver and I work full time. I am already burnt out. I don’t think I can manage it. Any suggestions?
As far as travel, I agree with most everyone here - absolutely not. It's too much stress on her AND yourself. Even with a hired companion taking her, the stress is too much on your mother. And if your mother wants to challenge that, have her doctor help make the decision; I'm sure the doctor will agree to 'no travel'.
DebraJoy already offered the idea I came up with, and I concur - use FaceTime (or something similar) by mobile phone. Or have the funeral video taped, and have some of the attendees offer their input into the camera to your mother: (ex: 'Sorry you couldn't be here for the service, but we understand... the service was lovely... your brother will be greatly missed... ) - that will help your mother be a part of the moment, and others can express their sympathies creatively into the camera as well.
Best of luck!
I too am a caregiver for my mother. It would be a tremendous strain and stress on you to try to get her there and back and you would regret it. I Know a couple of friends who tried it and afterwards they were worn out. Other people may or may not assist you because of the risks. You shouldn't feel guilty explain it to your mother. And the bathrooms are too small. We want to please our parents but sometimes we have to say no. If she has an accident you will have to deal with it. But be compassionate, gentle and explain you'd like to but it's unsafe. Ask someone to send you a program and if possible they could video the service live. I've had to painfully deny my mother occasions to go places here at home. It hurts to see them feel sad but yet the safety risk were too high. You're a great person for being responsible but you need to take care of yourself first otherwise you can't take care of her. Hope this helps. Be encouraged!
Instead, my cousin emailed me the order of service and her nine year old daughter phoned us the night before to read out to us the reading that she had written herself and would be reading at the ceremony. At the time the service was taking place, we sat with candles, a picture of Auntie and went throught the order of service, adding our own prayers as well. It was really lovely and my Mum was made to feel included in the whole thing, without having the added stress of travelling. We sent flowers and my Uncle later sent a photo of the grave.
My condolences to you and your Mum. xxx
eloise
My main thing would be her incontinence. There is no way you are going to get you and her in a plane bathroom. I personally would not go thru what is needed to fly.
If that’s not an option, I wouldn’t attempt it. It would be a very, very stressful three day trip for you and, frankly, may put mom in the hospital. Frail elderly do not handle travel well, particularly air travel.
Sometimes we just have to go the easier route in life.
You said that "she requires assistance with almost everything." There is no room in an airplane lavatory for two people - so you won't be able to assist her with toileting.
The entire travel plan is illogical - and I would advise against it.
On our flight TO our destination, our assigned seats were in the very last row. For those of you who have never had the misfortune of being in the very last row of an airplane, the seats in that row do not recline! My husband and I were were in quite a bit of PAIN as a result of this. He is almost 3 months post-op from back surgery, still in pain and still dealing with stiffness. I pulled a muscle in my lower back 18 months ago and it has never fully healed and just my luck, I strained it that morning while putting my suitcase in the car! I could not move in my seat without being in significant pain! I needed to adjust and re-adjust through out the 3.5 hour flight because I was so uncomfortable and every time I did, the pain got worse. But on the positive side, the last row is closest to the bathroom.
If first class or business class plane tickets aren’t an option (because they are quite a bit more expensive than regular coach seats), you might end up in the back row of the plane. You can always ask to switch seats but you simply cannot count on others to be willing to switch seats. I think most people would for an 88 year old but you never know what kind of people will be on your flight. And not everyone can physically handle the last row.
She cannot and should not take on this burden, nor should you.
Please do not take her on this unnecessary journey.
Hugs!
I say don't take her, especially since you have to fly across country. It was difficult enough to drive for a few hours. I can't imagine taking Mom on an airplane with all the hassle that involves!