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Today, Adult Protective Services visited my 90-year-old mother-in-law to talk about possible fraud involving her bank accounts. Recently, I had taken her to the bank to get a cashier's check to pay her rent because she had run out of personal checks. On a different occasion, she took her niece to the bank and had the bank make out a cashier's check to her, as my MIL wanted to give her a gift. This gift was unbeknownst to myself and my husband, but, despite my MIL'S advanced age, she is allowed to bestow a gift on a beloved niece without eliciting ill feelings from us. From what I understand, these actions raised "red flags" at the bank. Would you advise that we help my MIL switch to a new bank? She is angry at the current bank because they didn't come to her directly to talk about her legitimate transactions. While my husband and I are not angry at the bank for trying to protect my MIL, we now feel generally mistrusted and that we're objects of suspicion--despite no fraudulent activities. Would switching banks just cast more suspicions upon us and cause more trouble for my mother-in-law who, other than being legally blind, is really quite with it? I want to do the right thing by my MIL and have a lot of anxiety surrounding this.

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I would be grateful to the bank. If only more were so caring to elders, much fraud and “taking advantage” could be prevented. No way I’d change banks. They aren’t insulting her, they’re looking out for her best interests and that’s a kindness
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to Daughterof1930
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Hi there.

I personally would be happy a bank cares enough or has enough cyber security technology to investigate unusual transactions. I would explain that to your MIL too.

Dearest MIL, there is a lot of fraudsters these days (hasn't there always?) I am VERY happy the bank is making sure you are OK.

PS. How I WISH my LO's bank took notice & asked questions!
May have stopped the fraud 😭

PPS I'd stay with that bank.
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Reply to Beatty
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Adding in addition to all of the other answers practically speaking switching banks as you know will disrupt direct deposit she may have like social security and pensions as well as any automated payments. I don't think a 90 year old wants to be on the phone with those agencies and most don't even accept POA's. A huge hassle.
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Reply to casole
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Your mother-in-law is gifting money and this will preclude her having any help with medical care via Medicaid she should ever require placement and governmental assistance.
Is she aware of that, and competent?
Are you aware of that?

Thank goodness this bank is picking up on what are very serious problems here. Your mother-in-law looks to be moving in a direction that will leave her destitute and in need, and she will not be able to access help. I am very worried for her as she seems to not understand this. I would suggest that you attend a session with an elder law attorney to find options for how your mother-in-laws funds can be protected, and that you all speak together with someone who understands financial matters, aging and finances, and etc.

Your MIL's bank is alarmed, and well they SHOULD BE.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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JuliaH Aug 11, 2024
Very good advice as always AlvaDeer! There is a legal limit one can "gift" per relative per year and it could hurt the support of government funding in the future. There's also a law that says that no finances can be distributed until after 30 days upon death.
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Banks are increasingly expected to notice fraud vs elders and to do something about it. What that "thing" is depends on their internal policies. The FBI issued a guide to banks (here is a link from the American Banker's Association). This includes the statement "The bank may be required to report suspected abuse to Adult Protective Services and/or law enforcement". (I'm surprised about this as I didn't think banks were mandated reporters). Is this ageist? I will stay clear of that.

https://www.aba.com/-/media/documents/infographics/aba-fbi-elder-exploitation-infographic.pdf?rev=46064d5eb9984bfc895fda72642cc767



Now, I see why your mom thought they should have asked her directly. But they may not have felt they could separate her from her companion to ask, or it might not be bank policy. The bank is 100% trying to help her here---so perhaps she could consider asking to meet with them and explain to them why their actions were distressing, so they can improve their response.

I also can see why she feels insulted a bit. I can see why you are alarmed and mistrusted. (Having an APS visit is more intrusive than the "fraud alert" texts I get from VISA if I make a big purchase). But look at what happened--she showed up twice, with different people accompanying her, to have cashier's checks made out one of which was to the companion. Of course this can be legitimate. But of course it raised red flags. I could go into the bank and buy gold bars, and go into CVS and buy 10,000 of gifts card legitimately---but those are both much more likely to be fraud-associated than regular bank transactions are.

Look at these stories:

https://www.wisn.com/article/waukesha-woman-scammed-hundreds-thousands-cashiers-checks-gold-bars/46556998

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/29/business/retirement-savings-scams.html

Another site encourages banks to "report all cases of suspected elder fraud to appropriate authorities". https://www.vedderprice.com/bank-responsibility-for-elder-financial-exploitation

Of course increased awareness is going to lead to some "false alarms" and some awkwardness. But (especially as some of the reporting is governed by state law) would another bank be different? And would you, or she, want it to be? Again, consider "feeding this back" to the bank instead of pulling out from them, if you are interested in investing the time.
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Reply to Rumbletown
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I wish my uncles bank was as cautious as your MILs bank. His god daughter took out over $8700 (more than 10% of his entire savings account) in Nov 2023. He is currently being penalized (even more than $8700 because he "gifted" her more than that in past years) by Medicaid NYS waiting for Long Term care because of the 60 month look back.

Tell her that if she wants to "gift" money to keep it under the Medicaid threshold (NYS - anything over $2,000 will need a receipt and copy of check for Medicaid to determine if allowable or non allowable expense) to not raise red flags.
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Reply to AMZebbC
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You should be thankful that your bank is trying to protect your MIL.Someone should be taking care to e sure she has checks. Had the two checks been drafted on a personal check iT likely would not have raised eyebrows.. the bank did what they are supposed to do. Be thankful.
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Reply to bgblck69
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KPWCSC Aug 11, 2024
She is thankful but now she is just considering ways to keep MIL satisfied but still safe.
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Every bank has a fraud department and they know that the elderly are big targets. I know it is embarrassing and a pain in the rear, but I would not change banks. I would thank them for looking out for her and continue on as usual.
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Reply to Jamesj
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A couple of years ago, I got a message from my bank that they had put a stop on my card because they noticed some unusual transactions: payments to legitimate businesses that I don't generally use, including takeaway pizzas. They were right, it wasn't me using my card - somehow, fraudsters had got my details - but if it had been me, I would have been cross about the inconvenience.

When my dad became paralysed while living abroad, the bank stopped his card because they became aware that his friend was using it. Fact is, he was using it to pay my dad's bills. As his daughter, I was able to set up something with his bank where I could pay his bills through the bank, as long as I provided evidence. It was very inconvenient, especially with a 7 hour time difference. Plus, the friend thought I'd reported him and was accusing him of doing something wrong. It made life very difficult.

Yet I know, each time, the bank was just protecting the account holder.

I can understand how it might feel that your MiL is being treated as incapable, or you're being treated as if you are taking advantage, but I think you need to let those feelings go and be thankful that the bank is being diligent.
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Reply to MiaMoor
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All financial institutions are working hard to make sure that seniors are financially protected. So, changing banks is not the answer. Being upfront with the banks and talking with an bank official is a better option. Develop a relationship with a banker so that he or she will come to know you, your spouse and your mom. Then, your mom will have great financial protection AND a person at the bank who knows her mental capacities and her usual habits.
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Reply to Taarna
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