Husband has early Parkinsons and depression. He is pleased by the attention in the AL and has staff do everything that he is able to do alone or with help. For example, he is able to dress himself with minimal help, but will not if anyone offers to dress him. Now he wants to live in AL. Has said he does not want to live at home because there is no entertainment and he has to help with his activities of daily living. In several past stays in respite care, he has wanted to return home after a few weeks. He has always been indecisive. Do I keep him home with caretaking help part time or pay $84,000 a year for AL? After a few years, there will be little left for my care, should I need it. I can't find a compromise solution, and would love some input.
I sense you are “on the fence”, so to speak, about where he should live. By stating that there is no “entertainment” at home and he has to get his hiney in gear and do for himself, instead of being treated like the royalty he apparently thinks he is, he has indicated he wants to stay where he is. It sounds like he’s been in respite care often. Is this because you repeatedly need a break from caregiving for him? If he wants not to live at home, so be it. Consult with an attorney so he gets what he needs and you are left with enough to care for yourself. But, impress upon him that the decision he makes is permanent this time.
Also, have you considered downsizing now as well? Who is there to help you as you age if your hubby stays in AL? How old are you and are you in decent health? You could consider being on the same care campus as your hubby but in independent living where there's lots of people like yourself and things to do. Just a thought...
Many adult day care facilities have programs and activities similar to an AL, some even provide transportation to and from the facility so DH would have entertainment. Although the day care can be expensive too ($50-80 a day in my area), it's still a cheaper than AL, particularly if he only attends 3-4 days a week. One of the ALs in a neighboring town actually runs an adult day care unit too and offers preferential scheduling and pricing on respite stays for their day care members.
Some in home care to assist with ADLs like bathing and physical or occupational therapy (maybe on the days he doesn't attend day care) could support remaining in the home for longer too. Some of this care should be covered by Medicare and/or supplemental insurance (for the Parkinson's).
They evaluate her as to needs on a bi-monthly basis and encourage independence so if your husband is envisioning servants, he’s barking up the wrong tree lol
Some are Senior Retirement homes with meals and activities, like an AL.
And are set up to accommodate caregivers, and even hospice can come in, I am told.
If dH requires caregivers, maybe a two bedroom?
Some, I am told, have a buy-in, if you have a home to sell.
Some communities offer home care packages to IL residents that have bundled pricing and they can often do shorter increments of care because they are serving multiple customers all at the same address (a big cost savings if the help needed is just getting going for the day and ready for bed at night).
An adult day program is another idea, but their typical customer is pretty frail and/or pretty far along the dementia journey. You could explore what's in your area. Maybe there's a more vibrant one.