Should my relatives be in Assisted Living instead of a condo?
I moved my elderly relatives to my state to be closer to me. I had a ground floor condo retrofitted for handicapped people. They arrived last week. I've spent 5-8 hours every day there, doing everything from unpacking and washing urine-stained bedding, to cleaning mountains of dog poop off the rug from their untrained German Shepherd.
Even so, I still get 3-10 calls whenever I'm not there, asking me where things are (even if they "helped" me or saw me put them away, or it is visible from where they are sitting) or complaining that they "can't reach" the extra 70 rolls of toilet paper, even though there are plenty of spares in both bathrooms under the sinks.
She doesn't drive and he barely can; it takes her 10 minutes to walk 15 feet with a walker; he gets dizzy and has to sit down all the time; she takes over an hour to prep two potatoes to boil (not peeling them, just cutting off the ends!); she took about 30 minutes to get dressed yesterday.
They are broke, disoriented and there is no one but me to help them. They both leak fecal matter (her) or urine (him) and have mobility issues. They insist they will not go into care, even if I can figure out how they can afford it, because they "must" keep that dog with them.
I'm not sure what qualifies people to go into assisted living, and when I invited them here I didn't realize how terrible their situation is. Frankly, I think it's gotten worse in the 3 months since I invited them. Any advice? How do I know "it's time"? They have about $30,000 to their names, and that's it, plus the $900/mo they get in combined social security.
Thanks in advance.
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You’ve been given some great suggestions. Find an experienced certified elder attorney well versed in Medicaid for your state to help arrange what resources are available for them.
With five elders, you should have one on what we used to call speed dial. Good luck and let us know what is decided.
German shepard's need to have 2 hours a day of attention that meets their needs. Obviously the poor thing is not even being taken out of doors to go potty. If this continues the dog could become a serious problem, they start going mad when they are mishandled. They are big enough to eat your house and they can become aggressive against the individuals that are mistreating them. Please intervene for that dogs sake. Most larger areas have GS rescue organizations, Google it and help that helpless dog now.
Yes, they will need to go into care, and sad that it is, the untrained German Shepherd won't be doing with them; this often happens to animals when elders who have not the ability, take them on. Even in an expensive Assisted Living Facility there is often a size limit on animals.
Sadly this is not going to come down to their choice. This is only going to get worse. Much worse. You will not be able to do it.
As to 30,000, I can't know cost in your area. Where my brother was it was 3,000 for one room, 4,500 for two (which would accomodate the two of them, and then the care level care, which in their instances with the incontinence and needs would be easily another 1,000 each for them per month. You can see that would be gone in months, and yet another disorienting move.
Are you the only family? You call them "relatives" and not parents. Are there children? If not, this may come down to their being wards of the State in a sense, which will make the decisions.
Have you explored any Board and Care places in your area? It might be worth looking into. But again, with their income and assets, they will soon be on medicaid.
$900 a month? Where did this man work? My Dad alone got 1500 and had to retire after 30 yrs on disability. Yes you get more if disabled but not that much more. My Mom received half of that so they brought in a little over 2200 in SS. I would check this out with SS. My Dad would have been 93.
I would say some Dementia is involved and moving has just made things worse. Do you have POA? Something I would have made sure I had. All I can see is going for Medicaid and putting them in LTC. I would not get guardianship but I would talk to a lawyer concerning options. Your problem is that 30k. It will need to be spent down.
(If it is determined that their needs qualify them for a NH then Geaton's advice is bang on)
Are you their PoA? If not and you moved them into your home and they don't assign you as their PoA and then resist leaving you might have an issue getting them out and might need to wait for a medical emergency that requires a trip to the hospital. From there they can be transitioned into a NH.
But yes, they need to go to a NH that accepts Medicaid. You can have the facility assess them for which level of care they need right now and get them in on private pay. The legalities of you getting them in there depend on whether or not you are their PoA. We were in a similar situation with my in-laws and I know what a painful and exhausting thing it is to try to help people who didn't plan, didn't save are resistant to productive help and are at a crisis point in their care needs. Hang in there, and please provide accurate info so the forum participants can give you their best insights.