Shower/ toilet chair refusal; please help me figure this out.

There transfer boards that you can get thst can be placed under your dad as he leans to the side. You position the board between the two seats on a slant/angle and he slides or shimmy's down to the other seat or shower seat. If the height and distance between the shower are close enough this shoul help. Your insurance will pay for physical therapists or occupational therapists to come to the home to show you and dad how to stand, pivot, or transfer. They can also show you different lifting techniques to save your back from injury. I biy my mom slipper socks with grippers on the bottom for help with slip/falls. She also has a lift chair/recliner. Insurance pays most or all the ecpende for these things, even a wheelchair. If you decide to go the diaper route for using the bathroom for your father. You will find that most drug stores either in the store or online sell all sorts of supplies to assist with this. You can purchase cloth bed liners or pads, as well as paper, pads with plastic bottoms. You can have Dad sit on the shower chair with pad(s) under it or any plastic chair, his lift chair, or on the side of his bed with one of each type of these pads under him. I use a large cloth pad with a paper/plastic lined pad under my mom paper side up. I have purchased personal wash basins online from a medical supply store. You can get everything you could possibly need at Amazon.com.
Every morning, I fill the basins with tepid water and place them on an adjustable bedside table with soap, wash cloth, a towel, and her clothes for the day. You can use liquid body wash if dad can't manage bar soap. Mom uses one basin for soapy wash water, and the ither basin for rinse water. She washes up daily all on her own. She has lotions, creams, deodorant, etc. In a third basin on top of another stand by her bed I give to her to use as well. She can care for herself independently with my assistance. We use the same for shampooing her hair, when dhe agrees. Mom even asks me to dump and refill the wash basin sometimes to soak her arthritic feet and ankles in. I add lavendar Epsom salts as a pain relieving trea. Lifting the basins is work for you, but certainly easier than lifting dad. For toileting with diapers, I save plastic grocery bags for diaper and pad disposal. When mom soils her pull up style diapers, she changes and cleans herself. She uses toilet paper kept in the supply basin mentioned earlier to wipe, and unscented baby wipes for extra cleaning. I keep a stack of diapers and paper pads on the bedside table on the otherside for diaper changes. Mom has a hamper and a trash can with a foot operated lid within her reach for disposal of soiled cloth pads, towels, pj's, etc. She rolls her dirty diapers up inside the paper pads, places it into a recycled plastic grocery bag, ties it up and puts it in the trash can. I empty both the hamper and trash can daily. Taking the grocery bags outside to a large covered 50 gallon lined wheeled trash can. This keeps me from lugging a heavy trash bag full of diapers out and controls odor. Mom uses baby wipes, hand sanitizer or disinfectant wipes to clean her hands and surfaces after diaper changes. I have also filled empty water bottles with hot dospy water

I finally had to tell my late Mom she smelled bad. She kept asking so I was finally honest with her. Her Dr ordered home healthcare and they sent a bather to assist her. She was afraid of falling even before she fell and ended up in the hospital. See if you can get home healthcare through his primary care doc. It was cheaper for Medicare to pay for that than a nursing home. I have a really bad back myself and I wasn't able to hold her up. I hope you can find relief. Care taking can be so very difficult, but I am glad I persevered. I miss her so much!

Since you're unable to perform this, have some aides who perform showers.

You should have HomeHealthCare - you should be eligible - and they do handle bathing. The only problem we ran into is the "helper" was female and my father decided to manage on his own.

You can also arrange sponge baths and he can wash his privates. That is what is done in the hospital.

I had a similar problem with my 94 year old father. He would not cooperate with me when it came to showering or bathing in bed. The best thing we ever did was get a service to help us. The female CNA who comes twice a week is wonderful with him He never gives her any argument and she treats him like he's her baby. I'm convinced daddy could not get past several issues: 1. his determined independence, 2. having his daughters bathe him, 3. and his denial of the situation.

Hi I had the same problem with my mother. She refuses to use a potty chair a lift for transfers or home health aides. This is part of the process unfortunately. We started using diapers for her. The kind with tabs like Pampers. This became her preference from being in a nursing home where they use diapers. Was easy for them just to have their staff changed and cleaned the patients or residents instead of transferring them or assisting them to the bathroom or potty chair. Especially for residents like my mom who are stubborn, manipulative, and abusive. She was subsequently kicked out of the nursing home. And came home with the same behavior. So home health aides and I tried to get her to use potty chair at home, the toilet, we even got a lift through her insurance for transfers. She was non-compliant or refused to use all of the above. So we resorted to using diapers like the nursing home. They used tab diapers so we started with the same. But my mom with all of her behavioral issues, would take them off take them apart soil her bed throw them on the floor Etc. She would yell at the home health aides, or me and say that we didn't fix it all right this became a little game she played with us and was quite frustrating. So we switched 2 Pull-Ups for adults. These are the kind of diapers that have no tabs that can't be taken apart and they have to work to get off. In addition my mom became abusive to the a home health aides, and three agencies now refuse to send workers to our home to assist with her. I have no choice but to leave her to take care of herself during the day, which she is perfectly capable of. So take notes because they will let on as if they can't do a lot of that that they can do. This is part of the game. My mom is able to change herself with the pull-ups clean herself up because she has no choice now I'm not there to do it because I work during the day and refuse to do it at night or bedtime and I make her do it for herself and she does. Hope this helps good luck be strong don't allow yourself to be manipulated abused or bullied.

Could it be that your father would prefer that his child not help him with something so intimate? Some people do a lot better with a stranger/aide helping them with personal things, as they can look at them as "medical personnel" who are detached. It is very difficult to do that with a child.

You didn't mention if you are female, which could be shyness. Mom is incontinent so often mornings I give her a hot water basin, soap and towels and she will wash up sitting on her commode with the basin on her eating tray. You have to be firm because there is a thin line between staying at home and living in a NH especially with the "brat syndrome" You have to realize its physically challenging being a caregiver, but to "allow" the unnecessary emotional and mental draining will put you in a nursing home before Dad. My mother often has it, but fortunately for us, she has been in a nursing home before due to double knee replacement surgery for 10 months. We finally took her out as rehab was a joke. That being said, I have something to remind her of so she will work with me. Our parents have to realize that us caregivers aren't spring chickens ourselves and as much as we try to "do the right thing" by them, their difficulties have no place in our daily routine. Bet of Luck

There are bath wipes out there that you can use to give a person a bath without having to put them in the shower. They leave you very clean and the skin soft. I use them for myself in the winter as I hate getting into any shower when it's cold out.

Just tell him you can't do it and he will have to pay to have someone come in a couple of hours twice a week to take care of the shower.
Is dad prepared to use the chair over the toilet?
If he allows you to bathe him there is not a privacy problem. Sounds like good old male pride. Maybe you will have to pull the Nursing Home card. If you too become disabled because he won't co-operate that may become his only option. He is never going to get better and probably worse so he will just have to learn to deal with what he has. Do you think some therapy would help him see things from your point of view?

If he is cognitive than tell him, Dad you need to do this for me. I am not strong enough or physically able to transfer you safely. If he refuses then tell him u will have to hire a stranger.

The only reason your father needs to use this piece of equipment is that you aren't physically able to assist him without it, yes?

The ideal solution, in that case, is to hire caregivers specifically to help your father with bathing/showering. You shouldn't have to, and you can't safely anyway, risk injury to yourself; but you don't either want your father to be made to feel more disabled than he is already having to deal with. His "pride" is, I agree, of less importance compared to your actual back; but if you can accommodate his feelings then do.

That's interesting bc Dad had the same kind and he didn't mind at all. I think there are other options, but they may be expensive.