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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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PStern, please honor your father's wishes. If you are doing all the dirty work (wiping ass), then your father thinks you deserve it. If you are there for him, in the ups and downs of caregiving, despite being sick, etc.. and still helping your father, then he thinks you deserve it.
Let me ask you something. If you hired 2 people to clean your house, you notice that one does the "dirty" cleaning (bathroom, toilet, sink, shower, getting down on the floor to scrub, etc...) and the other cleaner just breezes through the rooms, with a duster, dusting things but not taking it down and wiping each ornaments. Who would you think deserves a Big raise? Who would get to be lead cleaner? Who would you give responsibility to? .... the hardworker who was willing to get down and dirty to do the job. No job is too small for her/him.
Of course, the slacker is going to object. But, I come every day! I clean every day. etc... how come she gets a raise and I don't? I don't think it's fair! You're showing favoritism just because she kisses up to you.
So, Pstern, please do not cave in to your sibling. Trust me, in the end, down the end of the road, you WILL have deserved whatever your father have gifted to you. If you haven't reached the stage of severe stress, exhaustion, etc... you will reach it. And you will begin to resent that your brother is not there helping you with your father. Do Not Let Brother or Any of Your Sibling put the Guilt trip on you!
Please, hop around this site. Read what most caregivers are going through. You will see that everyone is at different stages. Some are starting out, some are going at it 5 years, and some 10. I've been at it for half my life. Last year, my therapist persuaded me to tell my siblings that I need help with our 2 bedridden parents because I'm past exhaustion and would either die of exhaustion or land in the hospital. I told him that they don't care. He insisted. So, I told all 7 what therapist said. Nothing. No response. Yet, when mom died a few months later, all 7 insisted on sharing the money. Never mind that I spent 23 years helping dad caregive mom, put on hold my dreams of traveling around the world. When they would visit, they were treated as "guests." I still did the caregiving, etc..
So, do not listen to your siblings. They want you to do the ass-wiping duties, but they want equal share. You just honor your father's wishes. He knows who deserves the estates among his children. Please just let him do what he wants. And remember to hop around here. (I didn't think my siblings would be like the siblings that I read here on this site. Ha! I was wrong.)
PStern; are you caring for your father? In place of folks who would get paid to do it? Or in place of a NH or ALF? How does your sibling think you should be compensated? By getting paid now? Would that suit him/her better? Maybe he'd like to take over the a$$wiping duties?
It is wonderful that your Dad wants to thank you for your care. Honor his bequest. Maybe if your brother stepped up and wiped a few asses, he would understand the depth of love it takes to do it.
Absolutely not! Sounds as if your brother did not help you with caregiving and is coming out of the woodwork now, because of dollar signs. There are inconsistencies with some siblings - they do not want to help with caregiving, yet they are offended if the inheritance is not split equally.
Thank you all very much for your comments. My father passed away in 2012 but i'm in the middle of litigation where it seems that I have to prove to everyone that I in some way didn't use undue influence and since my brother won't admit to the reason why he didn't want to spend time with dad, which was our father's refusal to give hime a large sum of money, he acts dumb and says that he did every thing he could possibly do considering he lived 47 minutes away and claims our dad didn't want to visit his home because he hated leaving his own house.
PSrern, you don't have to prove yourself, HE has to prove you misused your influence. As the Plaintiff (I assume), your brother has to PROVE WHAT HE IS ALLEGING. Obviously, your brother and mine went to the same College of Narcissistic Sons. My Mom is still here, but he never calls or does anything to help. I keep a log because I suspect he will pull this same kind of s**t. I will be placing my Mom in the near future & she did leave me a larger percentage from her IRA, but the house is 50/50. However, it will probably be sold to pay for her care. Do not let your brother take away your power, and the pride of caring for him. It is very difficult for narcissists to keep up the "facade" even in Court, so I doubt he has much of a case. I hope you sue him for attorney fees when you win. Then he will be left with nothing due to his selfishness.
I didn't realize this was litagation. My advice settle; otherwise the lawyers get everything. It's just money, not worth the heartache and expense litagation causes. You know you did the right thing, you don't have to prove anything to anybody. This happened to a good friend of mine. Her wealthy sister who did nothing to care for their mother, fought her in court. She lost all of the $200,000. her Mom left, and the family is split. My advice let it go.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Let me ask you something. If you hired 2 people to clean your house, you notice that one does the "dirty" cleaning (bathroom, toilet, sink, shower, getting down on the floor to scrub, etc...) and the other cleaner just breezes through the rooms, with a duster, dusting things but not taking it down and wiping each ornaments. Who would you think deserves a Big raise? Who would get to be lead cleaner? Who would you give responsibility to? .... the hardworker who was willing to get down and dirty to do the job. No job is too small for her/him.
Of course, the slacker is going to object. But, I come every day! I clean every day. etc... how come she gets a raise and I don't? I don't think it's fair! You're showing favoritism just because she kisses up to you.
So, Pstern, please do not cave in to your sibling. Trust me, in the end, down the end of the road, you WILL have deserved whatever your father have gifted to you. If you haven't reached the stage of severe stress, exhaustion, etc... you will reach it. And you will begin to resent that your brother is not there helping you with your father. Do Not Let Brother or Any of Your Sibling put the Guilt trip on you!
Please, hop around this site. Read what most caregivers are going through. You will see that everyone is at different stages. Some are starting out, some are going at it 5 years, and some 10. I've been at it for half my life. Last year, my therapist persuaded me to tell my siblings that I need help with our 2 bedridden parents because I'm past exhaustion and would either die of exhaustion or land in the hospital. I told him that they don't care. He insisted. So, I told all 7 what therapist said. Nothing. No response. Yet, when mom died a few months later, all 7 insisted on sharing the money. Never mind that I spent 23 years helping dad caregive mom, put on hold my dreams of traveling around the world. When they would visit, they were treated as "guests." I still did the caregiving, etc..
So, do not listen to your siblings. They want you to do the ass-wiping duties, but they want equal share. You just honor your father's wishes. He knows who deserves the estates among his children. Please just let him do what he wants. And remember to hop around here. (I didn't think my siblings would be like the siblings that I read here on this site. Ha! I was wrong.)