I am the sibling who is out of country and far. New COVID strain in USA and no vaccine available for it yet (KP.3). I am 65, but international travel now makes me worry. Parents already got it, I have not and would have to risk getting it during this long travel. I want to visit to help out and do my part but if I get sick I might need help myself ….should I risk it? Given this I decided not to travel. I feel bad about it, but What can I do from afar to help the almost burned out sibling? Other 3 (4 of us) siblings are managing other stuff together including being in house for week here and there (finding help, care and finances okay) but one in particular is worn out. So that is my question…. Feeling frustrated, guilty and bad.
If you don’t want to travel or do the care, no-one can force you, but I wouldn’t blame it on Covid. There is no point in “feeling frustrated, guilty and bad”. Perhaps you could find other ways to support both your parents and your siblings, even if it’s just to donate the value of the airfare you won’t be using.
Moving on to provide some help in other ways is a positive step. It can help your family plus make you feel good. A win/win.
So I'll give you mine, I'm 60 husband is 72, but when he gets any virus he gets very sick. Worse than the average person and not like some think he is whining man that can't handle the sniffles.
With him and having a father who may have died because of covid, at the very beginning, when testing wasn't even out yet, after a cold brother brought home from Italy. I was very very concerned with covid and what many consider a freak.
From what I see for me I had to let that go. I have a friend that has horrible OCD, she just can't and won't. I can't be around some one that runs when someone sneezes. So I don't see her often.
I have to live my life, I have to enjoy it. So I do what I can do to protect myself, I get vaccinated and stay away from sick people, I don't where face mask. We travel, actually my husband got covid in Tennessee, he was vaccinated didn't get horribly sick, and we had to stay a bit longer, but I got to read a book and do some shopping. Actually wasn't a bad vacation. Going on a cruise in January, it's on the back of my mind occasionally I kick it out because covid here to stay we have to live. At this point covid here to stay, we have to live with it.
What ever you choose to do is up to you, and nothing you do is up to anyone else to judge. They don't know you your life or how sick you get, like my husband when he gets a virus.
Best of luck
So then I love Margaret's suggestion of sending siblings the cost of your unused airfare to help them with whatever needs your siblings/parents have.
Or you can pay for full-time help for a week or two and then pay for your burned out sibling to get away on a vacation during that time to rest and relax.
You can also pay for food to be delivered on a regular basis to your parents as that will be one less thing your siblings will have to worry about.
Why don't you ask your siblings what would help them out the most from afar?
They will be the best ones to answer your question don't you think?
In the USA we are hearing covid strains are now showing up increasingly in the sewer system collections (about how we measure it here, now). But despite this surge we are not seeing increased deaths, hospitalizations. Most people who get a "respiratory" thing aren't even testing themselves. And the rules of the CDC as to how long teachers and so on can stay out of school even if they HAVE covid are rapidly changing. Looks like herd immunity is here.
So I cannot say that you should not worry about Covid. I leave all matters Covid right where I leave politics--YOUR CHOICE. But, I myself would not let Covid be a factor. I would be visiting. And as I said, my partner and I have traditionally been VERY CAREFUL in regards to Covid.
So up to you and I am wishing you the best and good health, too.
Whenever someone is sick in my house, I'll tell are friends not to come over, and hope thar respect is given back.
Perhaps like others said , maybe you can help from far in other ways , pay for an aide to give them a break , have some food delivered .
But the fact of the matter is this situation is going to keep getting worse even if you helped them temporarily .
I think your 3 sibs need to admit this is no longer working especially since at least one is really burned out . They need a new solution . Hopefully parents can afford hired help for in home care or to go into assisted living or whatever care level they need . I hope your siblings are not resistive to this because they are trying to save the family home from being sold , or avoid using potential inheritance to pay for care . I also hope siblings are not doing this because they promised parents they would never be placed in a care home .
I would encourage them to seek other solutions , for the sake of everyone especially the very burnt out sibling .
IMO anyone sneezing , coughing , knows they are sick with a respiratory illness should wear a mask if they are out . I’ve been saying this for years , long before Covid . Japan finds it very disrespectful to not wear a mask when you have cold/cough symptoms for a couple of decades already . But here in the US , people are selfish and think it’s their right to spread germs.
I’d argue you may be safer near a masked marvel in the US as opposed to unmasked these days . DH and I still mask up in airplanes , crowded airports .
Maybe it’s dealt with differently in Australia , Margaret
All you siblings need to get together and figure out a plan that is sustainable, especially if one of you is taking on the lion's share of the burden of caregiving, covid notwithstanding. Because that one sibling is going to reach burn out soon, if sibling isn't there already, and that won't be good for anyone, including and especially mom and dad.
I took care of my mom through the beginning days of covid, when there wasn't any vaccine and people were dying in the thousands, and my one sibling didn't want to "risk" getting it coming to visit our mom when she was in her end days. But she was more than willing to let ME and MY FAMILY take the risks taking care of mom, including trips to the hospital/ER where people were infected in the hundreds.
If I sound a little bitter, that's because I am. I think you're seeking absolution here, not advice.
I will tell you about Covid now in the place in the US where I live. I'm in an over-55 community and am on a group Facebook page exclusive to this community. In the last couple of weeks, many have posted that they have Covid now, usually the strain J1, Flirt or other new, whatever they may be. One woman has had Covid 9 times and claims that this is the hardest one she's ever had in terms of getting over it. Three weeks into it, she is exhausted and not yet well. Much coughing. Others have posted similarly about how hard it is to shake the current variant(s). Most, I gather, have taken Paxlovid. I don't know their vax status. I do know that there is evidence of Covid in the waste water and that the incidence is rising. I also know that some of these people who are sick now continue to use the amenities here and are out and about at the post office, food stores, and so on. I seldom see anyone wearing a mask.
My stepdaughter lives about 40 miles away in a large city. She and her family contracted Covid about 3 weeks ago. These are people who fly frequently around the US and also to foreign countries - to two countries in the past two months. They have gotten on planes sick, will not mask and will not test for Covid if they're sick and want to fly. That's because they don't want to limit what THEY want to do. They don't care about infecting others (I find this disturbing and inconsiderate).
My husband and I are elderly, and he has dementia. There is credible research at Cambridge University and the US Veterans Admin and others about Covid's causing cognitive decline in those with dementia. A good friend who has experienced this is part of a research study to find out why the brain fog never went away. He was (documented) cognitively fine before a mild case of Covid; several weeks after his Covid, his cognitive abilities went steeply downhill. He now has moved to a continuing care community because he will need memory care sooner rather than later.
If my husband experiences a drop in cognitive decline, he'll likely be at a stage where he can't walk and will lose the remnants of speech that he has left. I have a history of severe bronchitis. For those reasons, we limit our contact with people because we don't know who is safe to be around - and who doesn't care who they infect, like members of our own family. It seems that there are now a lot like that. Knowing others' cavalier attitude about spreading a virus that can be deadly for people like us, I would not get on a plane now for ANYTHING.
They effect my mental health so much . I totally can not stand not seeing facial expressions. I need to smile at people, and I really need to see them smile. For me personally I don't judge anyone that wears them but I'd rather get covid than deal with the depression I get wearing and seeing too many face mask