Can family siblings request my moms financial statements on a monthly basis even though I have Power of Attorney?

For 8 yrs i took care of all moms expenses now siblings are angry with me and now wants to know mom finances should i disclose ghem its only around 1300 monthly she still lives in her home

JKB, I recommend you do your retirement planning without taking any possible inheritance into account. I don't mean this to sound censorious, and I do understand your irritation, but your and your husband's finances are a separate issue and I wouldn't, myself, want to add any unhatched chickens to it.

Have you asked your sister why she keeps fobbing you off? What would happen if you explained to her that her repeated excuses are in themselves giving you cause for anxiety about how your father's finances are being handled? This is a terribly delicate diplomatic mission and you know best what approach would work. It isn't that you have a right to know, it's that she has no obvious reason not to tell you, at least in broad terms - I understand how annoying it must be.

I have a question about POA. My sister has my father's POA--he is in the late stages of Alzheimer's. This has always been fine with me, especially since he lives in an assisted-living facility near her home, halfway across the country from my home. Over two years ago I asked her if she could please send me some info. on his investments and other assets because my husband and I are doing some serious retirement planning and dealing with some vision issues which will make it necessary for my husband to retire earlier than he wishes to. Basically what we would like to do is to see what my father has left and have some input as to how his assets should be invested. We have a financial planner who could make some suggestions if anything needs to be changed. I know my sister and I are the only people inheriting from him, and it would help us enormously to know about what kind of money we will be seeing when he does pass away. My sister initially said she understood totally and promised me the info. Two plus years later I have nothing. I have asked a number of times and keep getting the "I am too busy right now" response. Do I have any legal standing to get this information from her? Anyone have any other ideas on how to approach her so that I can get the info. I need? Even if the money were going to the ASPCA or another charity I would want there to be as much money as possible there when he does die. I am not trying to take over the POA or make any investment decisions singlehandedly, but I would like someone besides her (who has no real financial background) to look at how he is invested and make some suggestions if changes need to be made. Any ideas? I am not wanting to start a family feud, but I am getting angry that nothing has happened despite her promise to let me into the loop.

I'll say straight away that I am no expert in elder law, no; but there is lots of helpful discussion about this sort of thing on the forum. You might like to post your own question(s)?

Proof of his running a business isn't quite the same as proof that he took and used your mother's money for his own purposes. I think you have some difficult choices to make. If you are certain, and have documentation such as detailed bank statements, that he misappropriated money while he had POA for your mother, I think you'd better go and see a lawyer about it. You would be doing this in your current POA capacity, on your mother's behalf, because she would hypothetically be the victim of the theft, not you. If you have this kind of proof and you do nothing, you could be seen as complicit in your brother's dishonesty; and saying you wanted to spare your mother's feelings won't wash.

So just to be clear, he set up a credit line in your mother's name to fund his business, did he? Did your mother suffer any actual financial loss from this? If not, then he isn't guilty of theft. Fraud, possibly, or certainly the kind of skulduggery the credit agencies don't appreciate; but if he did it for convenience, paid back whatever he borrowed, and she's come to no harm… Then he hasn't stolen from her, has he.

I wouldn't use words like 'usurped' in this context, by the way. It creates an awkward impression. Of course I'm happy to assume that your mother at the time was legally competent and therefore entitled to revoke her original POA and appoint you instead, but it would be better to be clear that this was her free and informed choice - not your doing, that is.

Rereading your post… you have to decide whether you are sure that your brother has stolen your mother's money or not. If you are, then you need to pursue that on her behalf, and you need a lawyer who will advise you on what evidence you will need to show. If not, mind her business carefully in future and let the past lie. But the option of leaving it until after she is no longer around is not a good one. What would be the point of protecting her from financial abuse only after she has passed away?

I could understand that you wouldn't want to have to confront your mother with unpleasant truths about what her son has been up to; but the fear that he would make her life a misery with complaints about you shouldn't be too hard to deal with. Harassing his mother would not help him to clear his name, and besides there are ways to prevent this.

One very important question: does your mother have capacity now?

Sounds like you have a valid POA. You do need to keep good records of her financial transactions. You don't need to share them with Brother, unless your mother wants you to.

Mom and I visited her bank and opened an interest-bearing checking account. I had brought a POA long form already prepared, and she agreed to appoint me as primary agent with this brother as secondary, when and if I were to give it up. The bank agent was a notary and officiated at the signing. Mom was mentally foggy often, but had not been diagnosed with dementia at that time (2009).

How did you "usurp" POA title? Did Mother fill out a new document?

Same brother, the dishonest one. I never did consulted a lawyer & brother never charged with grand theft (or whatever it's called when one abuses POA privileges). Amazingly this guy continues to deny what he clearly did. I have CRA proof he ran an unregistered "entertainment" business at his CA address while Mom lived in NYC, never in CA. I usurped POA title when I had the opportunity, on a visit to NYC. I question whether CRA data will comprise adequate proof of his having stolen untold funds. I prefer to wait until she passes to pursue a case against him, or for certain he will make her life miserable, complaining about me. Are you versed in elder law? Any thoughts?

Joliandra, I would say not. Is the brother who was "fired" from POA the same brother who is now demanding sight of your mother's accounts? If it was clearly established that he was dishonest, not only do you not owe him anything: I would go so far as to say that you possibly ought not to disclose confidential financial information to him.

Having said that, you do need to be in a position to provide authorised people with detailed accounts of your mother's expenditure whenever you're asked to, so you want to keep on top of them anyway. And that way, you will be able to provide your brother with as much information as you feel he should properly have. If you're in doubt about what that is, why not ask the lawyer who handled the POA for you?

I have Durable POA in CA for Mom. My brother held her POA until 2009 and used it dishonestly to abuse her credit. Do I now owe my brother minute accountings for bank transactions detailing expenses for our mom, who has been in assisted living for 1 year?

Most states have laws pertaining to what duties come along with a Power of Attorney, and most will indicate that the person holding the Power of Attorney retain financial records.

Why would you, as holder of a POA, NOT retain records of all transactions? An agent (holder of a POA) may be brought to court to order that the records be revealed to whomever has an interest (descendants, or anyone else having an interest in the person who granted the POA). If you don't comply, you can be relieved of your duties as POA, and the judge may grant the POA to the person who requested the records, or to a court-appointed guardian.

My advice: KEEP ALL RECORDS. ALL. DON'T THROW RECORDS AWAY. If a sibling requests those records, scan them and send them to them via email. Don't change records. Don't use the money for yourself--only use the money for the person who granted you the POA. If you abuse your duties as agent, you can also be made to pay the fees of those petitioning the court against you, and you can be made to reimburse the estate for the changes you made. Having a POA is not a joke, and it isn't about power. It's a serious matter.

This all sounds like a gossip session with people acting in the place of a court. I have a sister who has used all moms money, gotten credit cards in every avenue, has put liens on moms house that was totally paid off, then tried to burn the house down using a bathroom heater that burned through the plastic pipes and put the fire out, while the air-conditioner was on just around the corner. Mom is 92 years old and my sister screams and scares her into doing what she does such as a POA that was never filed in court. She has robbed my mom, had her home foreclosed on and now has my mom and down syndrome brother living in a one bedroom house with her and an excon boyfriend. I need to know what the Laws are and moving into the state and buying mom a home. I need to know if guardianship is enough to protect my mom and brother.

@Sk8ing:
If I were you, I would be a bit uncomfortable holding POA when someone else has free run of your mother's accounts. This, as I see it, could cause a potentially difficult situation for you, as with the POA, you have been given responsibility for the finances.

I'd contact an attorney, and take your mother with you. She is apparently able to afford to give your brother money, so she may want to consider setting up a trust. A trust would provide for your spendthrift brother during her life and after her death. She can set it up however she wants to. She could also have more than one account, and allow your brother access to only one of them, with a limited amount of money in it.

I'd be very careful with what you allow your name to be attached to. Your brother's using your mother's money could potentially harm your mother and, if there are no provisions against it, any other heirs your mother has.

By the way: if your mother doesn't set up a trust or the like, your inheritance, if any, could potentially be totally wiped out by any debts your brother racks up. If, when your mother passes, there is nothing in place protecting her estate, debts that your brother has could be taken out of the monies left, etc., depending on the kind of debt and other situations.

Your brother should not be trusted; if he were trustworthy, he wouldn't be taking your mother's money and getting upset about you knowing about it. As for his wondering why you were monitoring her bank account, you SHOULD, holding a POA and paying her bills, monitor her accounts. Protect yourself and your mother's money as quickly as you can!!!! Don't wait.

In most states, anyone who has an interest in the affairs (financial or otherwise) of the person being cared for MAY request an accounting of the money, including bank statements, bills, etc. As for the state of IL, I'd be willing to bet that it is suggested that you retain the records for 7 years or so.

As a note on Durable POA:
I have it from the State of IL and it does not require me to keep any records that I can see. All such forms vary state-by-state, so you should check yours.

I have kind of a mixed opinion about this: for one, I think outsiders should have the right to audit the situation to make sure the POA is acting properly. On the other hand, I think preparing monthly statements is a bit too much. It's one thing to show them the tax return for the last year, a summary of the bank statement, things like that, but I don't think requiring you to become an accountant is reasonable. Just in my own opinion, monthly statements are appropriate to request from a professional caregiver, not a volunteer caregiver. But, once again, just my personal opinion not a legal one.

If you don't give a full accounting, your siblings can take you to court and run up huge legal fees. I met a lady a few months back whose sibling had done just that. After her mom passed, this lady wound up paying over $100,000 in legal fees in order for her sister to find out that their mom's money had been spent exclusively on mom's care. That $100,000 was the bulk of her inheritance from her mother. The money had been slated to go towards her daughter's college tuition, but the sister wiped her out.

I have Power of Attorney for my mom, and have been doing her finances for a few months. She has short-term memory loss (probably beginning stages of dementia). My brother recently moved in with her and has been making way too many ATM withdrawals. When I asked him what they were for, he asked me why I was monitoring her bank account, and stated that I should just be paying her bills. I asked him if Mom knew he was withdrawing money, and he indignantly answered, "Of course!" I believe that she is a willing participant in handing him money her money, as she also made frequent loans to him while he stayed with me. Do I have any recourse to stop this from happening? I think he is fleecing her, and that is sad - but if she doesn't object to it, what, as POA, can I do?

Angela88: I am not sure which state you live in. Laws vary from state to state. The code of your state (all the state laws, etc.) should be readily accessible online. If you live in Virginia, for instance, you can, as an interested party (a child of the person who is incapacitated) request a full accounting of your mother's finances. Please read my post above yours for the complete information.

My suggestion is to do this right away. Again, if this is going on in Virginia, you can give your sister 60 days to provide you with the information. If she doesn't comply, take her to court and let her tell a judge why she won't be forthcoming. If you wait, though, and your mother passes away (I hope she continues to live a healthy, happy life), your sister will have a full year in which to provide you with financial information. Act quickly.

I was POA for my Mom and Dad who lived in the same town as me for 35yrs.When my Dad died I was POA for Mom who has dementia. She had a will made up and I was POA for her. I got very ill and my sister who lives in another town revoked me from POA. She has moved my Mom 100 miles away. This happened 4 years ago and she will not talk to me. Can I ask for a statement of my Moms finances? She will not talk to me on the phone and when I go and see Mom it has to be set up through email. I see my Mom at least twice a month. I just want to be sure things are being looked after.

The law on disclosure varies according to state. Virginia, for example, allows family members to request complete disclosure from an agent (someone who holds a Power of Attorney) of all finances, etc. relating to the parent. The procedure is this: the interested party (the adult child who isn't holding the POA) should send a certified letter, signature required, to the agent stating the request and asking for reasonable inspection of all financial records, paperwork, etc., and giving the agent the 60 days that the law provides to respond to the request. If the agent does not respond in the amount of time stated and allowed by law, the non-agent (adult child making the request) can then take the agent to court, where a judge will hear why the agent is not providing the requested material. The judge can order the agent to produce the financial information, etc., and if the court feels that the agent has not acted in the best interest of the parent only (without benefiting from the parent's finances as an agent) the judge may order that the agent be removed from the POA.

A person holding POA should keep detailed records of all transactions, paperwork, etc., as they pertain to the parent. The agent should not use the parent's finances to benefit themselves. If an agent has been providing proper financial care for the parent, there is no reason for the agent to refuse to disclose financial information to the other children. By the way: an agent is not entitled to alter a will. An agent who alters life insurance policy beneficiary information when the parent is unaware of the change and has not requested the change and/or has been declared incompetent or mentally incapacitated or has been diagnosed with dementia has committed something called Power of Attorney abuse, which can be considered a crime.

My advice to those who hold POA is to be completely willing to disclose any and all financial information and paperwork to siblings/family members who request it. The family members cannot get hold of the money anyway, if there is any money, so what' the problem? If you don't comply, you could be taken to court, and the judge would most likely wonder why you haven't been forthcoming about the information. Non-disclosure looks like thievery.

@dogabone. You are so very helpful to people on this site. Please try to remember that I just I gave you this compliment because now I'm going to ask you to try and remember to spell competent as competent, the way it should be spelled, not compAtent. as you've been spelling it. I wonder, has this been on topic? (Oh well it was a tough caregiver night here at my house, and I've got to stop stressing about it and on my stepfather insisting on putting my mother to bed way too early so he can get home to his (their?) apartment and get his sleep. Truth be told I've got to get some much needed sleep, too! As tomorrow morning (no actually it's later this morning!) I'll be gathering together and delivering Christmas gifts to a lot of local families in need, a favorite, privileged day in my volunteer-work calendar. )

Oh, of course my father was at the dinner. It made my mother's night. That is all I have wanted for years, is for my sisters to mature, and make my parents happy and stop being so pig headed. It worked at least one night. :-)

countrymouse:
??????I hope you'll forgive me, but I get a faint impression from what you say that you do have some idea of what this huge, heinous crime is that your sister is holding against you; and that it's something that you fear could make uninformed people think badly of you. I dare say it's a) a false accusation and/or b) been blown massively out of proportion; but I wonder: if you were to share your worries more openly with an independent counsellor - could be anybody wise whose ability to keep a confidence you trust - are you sure you wouldn't be able to see some way to get this crazy situation sorted out?

Not sure where you thought this or suspected this, and yes, I am on a public forum, and yes, I have absolutely nothing to hide, the issue, is more this, my sister is a very controlling person, and she always has been, and as my parents have slowly but surely been declining, she almost enjoys this. Remember I am 10 years younger than my sisters. My sister has absolutely nothing to hold against me. Accept, I was the younger sister, and apparently she felt all her life that she was the middle one left out, that is it, period end of conversation. When my sister was in her 30's she would always complain that she could never keep friends because she was too bold and rude. My sister is just my sister. There is not act of anything between us. She has alot of gall, that is for sure, and what is even more interesting, is that my boys both this week, as I sent them holiday cards, sent me cards back, and as one of my friends told me. Time will bring your boys back to you, and it is slowly doing that. The other thing is that I am not allowing her to get to me, in other words, what I mean is this. This is my outlet, I do not talk to her, etc. Now interesting, because I haven't sat at a dinner table with her for 6 years, and my mother is in an Alzheimer's home, and guess what, I did nothing, and knew nothing, but the dinner was where my mom lives, and for the first time in 10 years, it was the three sisters and two husbands. My middle sister's husband passed away, and it was amazing, maybe they talked, and said you know we are being real sh__ to "DLH" and need to be nice, as they could not be nicer. You cannot fake that. But, does that mean I trust, my walls are high, but it means that maybe, just maybe, my sister is realizing that she is not hurting me, she is hurting my father and my one son, my other one too, as he stated he loves me, and was hurt by his father etc. etc. So thank you and no I am not upset, but I am a professional caregiver, and I have the cleanest record of being the sweet girl on the block it sometimes makes me ugh. I am that way because I was raised that way. Somehow, my sister was raised in the 60's the hippie's era, and I was not, big difference. She just could not and I mean could not and is just now dealing with her husband's death. Honestly, I would not take the time out of my life to work on something when I know that I honestly have done nothing but be born 10 years later to deserve this type of treatment. Tonight, at dinner, she was very nice, and I just about rolled in my gravy, and of course my husband and I had no clue she was coming, but at least she was cordial, and again "one big happy family", however they did talk about Christmas, and I said oh we are going to be out of town. Too much drama. But thank you for thinking that it had to be something. If it was, I was 10 years younger, I got more things because my parents had more money, and I was a figure skater. That is it. Thanks.

Do yourself a favor and provide them some sort of a report in mom's assets.
We just had guardian and conservator appointments approved because sister POA refused to provide bi-annual reports on a revocable trust as required by the trust.

these sorts of situations often turn ugly creating a severe impact on your sibling related

You explained that your Mother had a stroke.With that said,is she compatent?That's the question of all, is she compatent to say and do what she wants?
Next question is,are you your Mother's only POA?Is anyone else a POA for your Mother?
Next question what type of POA are you or others?Durable or springing POA?
If you are your Mother's POA.You are noted on your Mother's bank accounts as her POA.Unless,you haven't done so yet.Who other is on your Mother's bank accounts?Legally,a POA is not allowed to be joint on a bank account.Only noted on the accounts as her POA.Unless you was joint before the POA was created.
If you become a POA.You can't become joint on a bank account after a POA was created or your POA can be revoked.
So,
if you are the only POA for your Mother?It's your job to obtain your Mother's bank statements for your safe keeping and knowing her finances.As POA your job is her finances.If your Mother would go into a nurcing home.You will be the one Medicaid,Medicare will go after if any funds are not accounted for.From the date you became your Mother's POA.
Again it all boils down to, is your Mother compatent or not?
If your Mother is compatent?Your Mother has the right to change anything or spend what she desires.Your Mother can change her POA at anytime as long as she's compatent to do so.If your Mother is compatent,and if she is coached by another family member to change POAs.That can be done.If a family member has proof that your not doing your job correct as her POA.That person can have your POA revoked.Or another family member can simple ask Mother to change her POA.It all boils down to timing.Any other family member can simply take your Mother to a attorney to have her POA changed and Living Will without you knowing.As long as your Mother agrees to do so and is compatent to do so.If your Mother is not compatent?A POA and or a Living Will can not be changed.Unless the POA is found on grounds of revoked.
In other words,
If your Mother's compatent?And welling?Any family member can take her to a attorney to have a Living Will or POA changed.If she is compatent your POA is not in written in stone.If she was ever found incompatent then your POA is in stone.
To avoid any family member from changing your Mother's POA.It's up to your Mother if she's compatent.That means either two things need to be done.
One,find your Mother incompatent by a doctor.
Two,never let your Mother go with anyone.Because,all someone has to do is take her to a attorney to change POA.
If your Mother has more then one POA?And if she is incompatent by a doctor?
Those two POAs need to work together as one.Unless one is found to be revoked.
Regardless,
If by chance,your spending Mother's money incorrect.When it comes time for a nurcing home you will be investagated by Medicaid & Medicare .If any funds aren't accounted for you will be the feller to come up with those funds.Not saying your doing wrong.Just a little warning or venting is all.

Kaydeb - No, I still don't think you should tell your father about this - but I do think you should tell your father's lawyer about it. Don't forget: if his wishes are not complied with by his executor(s), he is the victim, not you. The executors' duty is to the deceased person, not primarily to the beneficiaries of a will.

Wills are public documents, once the testator has died and the will has gone through probate. An executor has to proceed according to the will's instructions. If your father has made specific provision for you in his will, there is no legal way in which your sister can fail to act on it, and no secret way either. She would have to be a damn fool, as well as a nasty piece of work, to try to get away with it.

How do you get on with your other sister, and your younger lad? Are they really not prepared at least to listen to you?

I hope you'll forgive me, but I get a faint impression from what you say that you do have some idea of what this huge, heinous crime is that your sister is holding against you; and that it's something that you fear could make uninformed people think badly of you. I dare say it's a) a false accusation and/or b) been blown massively out of proportion; but I wonder: if you were to share your worries more openly with an independent counsellor - could be anybody wise whose ability to keep a confidence you trust - are you sure you wouldn't be able to see some way to get this crazy situation sorted out?

10 years ago you suffered from depression (1 in 3 people will do in the course of their lives, or so I hear - that's a very large chunk of the population for anyone to try stigmatising, don't you think?); 6 years ago, following the death of her husband, your sister effectively ostracised you and persuaded your older son to do the same. I'm not going to try guessing further: your private business is private and you're entitled to keep it so. But clearly whatever happened is a very painful memory for you. I just want you not to add shame to the pain, because I'm prepared to bet that you have nothing - NOTHING - in reality to be ashamed of.

They say: "a trouble shared is a trouble halved." But for that to work, you first have to share the trouble, and a public forum is evidently not the place where you are comfortable doing that (I don't blame you, neither would I be!).

I realise I could be completely wrong about all of the above, but this is my instinct: that getting a better perspective on the past would help you both deal with the present and rebuild for the future. That's where I'd start. Good luck, I really hope this helps; and if not, if it's all wrong, then best of luck just the same. x

Not just things for my sons All situations. Let us see Valentines Day, Birthday's I am never included, July, Birthday's, Veteran's Day, Labor Day, Vacations, Halloween, Thanskgiving, and Christmas, how is that for a sock in the heart. I have been with this family for 54 years. 6 years ago, she decided to leave my life for good. I am worried because Executors have to have good communication. I am sitting here purchasing this and that like I can afford it for my mom and dad and never getting reimbursed. So now my parents suffer. Look, I have had one issue in my life. About 10 years ago, I had a mild depression. Didn't do anything to anyone. I was depressed. Mild at that, and that is not the reason. We can label people all we want, I am a great woman. I know that because it comes from my heart. People are in shock and awe over her gross ways, and I have been told she is exactly like my father's sister was. It is her way or the highway. Yes, I agree with the children, but my 30 year old has spoken to me for 6 years either. Ever since the death of her husband, which I did not know very well. I have tried talking to her once every six months for 6 years, no can do. She will make sure I get nothing. Which is illegal and I need to hire an attorney and if my father knows that he would roll in his grave when he passes, don't you think he deserves to hear that now?

Sorry, I missed your earlier post, explaining that your sister will not communicate with you. Actually she's doing more than that, isn't she? She's doing it in a very precise, calculated way.

Now this is weird. I'm sure you haven't any idea WHY she's like this, but there must be a reason. My guess is that, whatever it is, it will turn out to be something for which you are completely blameless. Weird, weird, weird.

Do you have two other sisters besides her, is that right? Or are there three of you altogether, you the youngest, weirdo in the middle and one more oldest? I'm just wondering if you've got two others to tackle or only one.

Either way, if middle sister is still speaking to them, maybe she or they are the ones who know what her problem is; so maybe that's where you can start investigating. Even if he still had his full faculties, I think this might be beyond any man to deal with so I'd leave your father out of it.

What is her problem? Goodness this must drive you nuts. Even if she is rich and spoiled, it wouldn't explain why she's being such a bitch to you in particular. It's horrible, I'm so sorry. x

??? Kaydeb? Your sister organises a celebration dinner for YOUR sons, overrides YOUR arrangements, and then doesn't invite YOU? Repeatedly, over the course of six years?

I don't understand what she thinks she's thinking. In what universe is that considered acceptable?

I understand what you feel about the children's being attracted to a more materially comfortable environment. After I divorced, mine had the same options - my falling-down hovel where they actually lived, or their dad's/their friends' much plusher houses at weekends and during school vacations. I couldn't blame them for aiming high! The one time I did see red was when my ex and his wife (normally I get on fine with them both) bought my son a "future heirloom" watch for his 18th birthday: the trouble was I'd broken the bank getting him one for his 16th. Theirs cost a lot more; mine was infinitely more stylish (ha!); and what was the poor lad to do? Say "thanks but I've already got one?" I went outside and took a lot of deep breaths.

I suppose we just have to take care of our corns and try not to let people step on them.

But that doesn't excuse your sister's behaviour. Before you speak to your dad, see if you can speak to her (I really do understand how difficult and painful that might seem). It would be better if you could somehow get her just to think for a moment about how her behaviour makes you feel. I doubt she is doing that, even for a second - galling in itself, but that's what needs correcting. She urgently needs to rethink her ideas of hospitality and generosity.

Re: the car. We had the same situation with my mother: she couldn't drive hers, and I couldn't insure both my own and hers at the same time for me to drive, not affordably anyway. This year we simply transferred her car's registration to me (my sister has POA and agreed this), and I had to sell my car (which hurt like hell because it was much nicer and I loved it). I pay for insurance and road tax. I don't know what to do about paying for fuel, repairs, etc. because technically I own the car and those are my bills, but almost all my mileage involves taking her somewhere or running errands for her - still trying to work out a fair solution.

Hold tight over the bumps, follow up on those good constructive plans and remember that hard times pass as well as happier ones. All will be well, all will be well, and all manner of things will be well…

PS Had to pause to answer the door to a delivery man: my ex-SIL and her husband have sent me a box of beautiful Tokaj wine for Christmas - and I can't HOPE to reciprocate. I know they won't expect me to, but oh woe! Even the nice things hurt. Who came up with all that rot about being poor but happy..?!

I am 54, and since I was 48, I have never been invited to a family dinner or a graduation dinner for my sons. I have tried to organize a dinner but my sister out talks me, and makes sure that her dinner comes first. Should I state something or just consider that she will get it in the end. which she probably wont she is a spoiled 60 year old. YES 60 year old. Should I talk to my father about it. I have asked him to purchase his car from him since he cannot drive and we drive him all around and never get reimbursed for anything, and our car is going to die one day, and we have no money. We lost our jobs in 2008 and no one NO ONE gives a rats a__ that we live on $15,000 per year. Life is tough, but sisters make it miserable. Especially, when they take your boys from you for Christmas Dinner, you know why, $$$$$ Kids are growing up to be with people that have money. We did, but we lost it al to our house. We are not bad people, I am going back to school to get my Masters, one day many people will be sad they treated me this way. In silence . . . .