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My grandma has dementia. I was taking care of her, then my mother (her daughter) put her in the nursing home. How do I find out if she really has power of attorney or any paper work over my grandma?
Mom doesn't have to have POA in many cases/states if she is the "next of kin". POA is conferred upon one by a still competent person; grandmother, to give POA would have to be/have been, at the time of designation, fully legally competent. If Grandmother is no longer competent and daughter is her next of kin, in many jurisdictions she can place her mom for her safety when required. There are any number of ways that next of kin can act for a senior. I think that you should ask your mother the circumstances here. If grandmother is no longer competent it would be the normal state of affairs for her daughter to act in her behalf, not the granddaughter, and this could be accomplished in many ways including temporary guardianship obtains in some cases by Hospital or Rehab social workers so that family can place elders.
We couldn't know the details here. An elder law attorney practicing in grandmother's area could answer for your state as to the legal norms.
As to sleuthing a bit, were you to contact APS with the simple question: "My grandmother has been placed in in-facility care and I am concerned this was done by her daughter against her will; is there any way I can be reassured this was legally done?" you MAY or may not get answers/assistance. You could attempt to "innocently ask admins" under cover of just a visit, "So, Mom is now grandma's POA, is she?" They probably should/wouldn't in normal circumstances discuss private issues, but something may slip out as to "oh yes, she is". Or you could try "Did Mom give you her POA papers yet? I'd be relieved to know she did." I don't know, just get clever. Worth a try if you goal is simply "knowing". You could ask the bank office where Grand's accounts are, also, if Mom fully completed the POA on Grand's accounts.
But as you might guess, being close to mom, helping her, assisting her in care and placement of grandma is your best bet to stay fully informed, because no one has to tell you anything about their POA documents. The POA is answerable only to the courts and the courts officers, APS inquiries and etc.
If grandma is fully legally competent she is also legally able to change her POA. But that would require full legal competency.
Your grandma is now getting 24/7 care. You can be a granddaughter once again and enjoy the time you have with grandma. Sit and hold her hand and not have to clean her up, not make her bed. I am sure your grandma if you had talked to her about this 10 years ago would NOT want you to spend years caring for her and not enjoying your young life. If she knew you were giving up a movie with friends, meeting at the local café or if you are in school or have a family of your own putting all that aside for her she would not be happy.
Playing devils Advocate here.... If mom does not have POA You might be able to hire a lawyer to try to be appointed Guardian for your grandma. But I think that would be a tough fight in court. You would have to prove that mom did not act in grandmas best interest when she made the decision to place her. You would also have to prove that you are better able to manage grandmas care and that she would be safer with you than in a facility. (If grandma has few assets can you also support her as well as yourself?) Obtaining Guardianship is not an inexpensive process either and it takes time and there is detailed paperwork involved as well as occasional Court appearances. Are you prepared for that.
Taking care of someone with dementia is not easy and it gets more difficult as they decline. Please be a granddaughter not a caregiver. Your mom made the right decision. I know it hurts.
The best thing you can do for your Grandma is to visit her with your Mom and make sure she is getting appropriate care and her needs are being met.
The thing your Grandma would want the most and would make her happy is for you to live a life of peace and joy. I know because I'm a Grandma too. And as a Mom of 3 sons, I wouldn't want them to limit their lives because of me. There are other solutions for that, and your Mom figured this out. Good for her. Be sure to thank her because I'm sure none of it was easy, especially emotionally.
May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart as you life your life to its fullest.
Your mother did you a favor . You should be living your life . Grandma has had her life . Grandma’s illness should not be dictating your life . You need to work , save money , have a social life etc .
Read other threads here where grandchildren’s lives were ruined because they were duped into giving up their life to caregiving meanwhile the grandchildren’s parents and aunts and uncles were free . These grandchildren were stuck in horrific caregiving situations with no help and became unemployable .
You are lucky that you have a mother who relieved you of this . Get a job , date , etc . LIVE . You can visit grandma .
Leave it be, go on with your life, most likely it was time for GM to be placed in a facility for her own well-being. Visit her and enjoy being her granddaughter not her 24/7 caregiver.
Celebrate! Are you kidding me? Do you know how hard it is to even get one in a nursing home? Do you know how hard your life would continue to get taking care of yor grandmother as she gets worse with dementia? Your mother saved both you and your grandmother. You should be thanking her, as she obviously loves you both, instead of questioning her decision.
Is this really a bad thing? Maybe your mother did you a favor by placing your grandmother there so that you could live a life more suitable for someone your age, to build a career or a family or a better social life. Maybe she felt like your grandmother's needs were greater than what one person could provide at home. A nursing home wouldn't accept your grandmother if she didn't need a certain level of care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If Grandmother is no longer competent and daughter is her next of kin, in many jurisdictions she can place her mom for her safety when required. There are any number of ways that next of kin can act for a senior.
I think that you should ask your mother the circumstances here.
If grandmother is no longer competent it would be the normal state of affairs for her daughter to act in her behalf, not the granddaughter, and this could be accomplished in many ways including temporary guardianship obtains in some cases by Hospital or Rehab social workers so that family can place elders.
We couldn't know the details here. An elder law attorney practicing in grandmother's area could answer for your state as to the legal norms.
As to sleuthing a bit, were you to contact APS with the simple question: "My grandmother has been placed in in-facility care and I am concerned this was done by her daughter against her will; is there any way I can be reassured this was legally done?" you MAY or may not get answers/assistance.
You could attempt to "innocently ask admins" under cover of just a visit, "So, Mom is now grandma's POA, is she?" They probably should/wouldn't in normal circumstances discuss private issues, but something may slip out as to "oh yes, she is". Or you could try "Did Mom give you her POA papers yet? I'd be relieved to know she did."
I don't know, just get clever. Worth a try if you goal is simply "knowing". You could ask the bank office where Grand's accounts are, also, if Mom fully completed the POA on Grand's accounts.
But as you might guess, being close to mom, helping her, assisting her in care and placement of grandma is your best bet to stay fully informed, because no one has to tell you anything about their POA documents. The POA is answerable only to the courts and the courts officers, APS inquiries and etc.
If grandma is fully legally competent she is also legally able to change her POA. But that would require full legal competency.
You can be a granddaughter once again and enjoy the time you have with grandma.
Sit and hold her hand and not have to clean her up, not make her bed.
I am sure your grandma if you had talked to her about this 10 years ago would NOT want you to spend years caring for her and not enjoying your young life. If she knew you were giving up a movie with friends, meeting at the local café or if you are in school or have a family of your own putting all that aside for her she would not be happy.
Playing devils Advocate here....
If mom does not have POA
You might be able to hire a lawyer to try to be appointed Guardian for your grandma.
But I think that would be a tough fight in court. You would have to prove that mom did not act in grandmas best interest when she made the decision to place her.
You would also have to prove that you are better able to manage grandmas care and that she would be safer with you than in a facility.
(If grandma has few assets can you also support her as well as yourself?)
Obtaining Guardianship is not an inexpensive process either and it takes time and there is detailed paperwork involved as well as occasional Court appearances. Are you prepared for that.
Taking care of someone with dementia is not easy and it gets more difficult as they decline.
Please be a granddaughter not a caregiver.
Your mom made the right decision. I know it hurts.
The thing your Grandma would want the most and would make her happy is for you to live a life of peace and joy. I know because I'm a Grandma too. And as a Mom of 3 sons, I wouldn't want them to limit their lives because of me. There are other solutions for that, and your Mom figured this out. Good for her. Be sure to thank her because I'm sure none of it was easy, especially emotionally.
May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart as you life your life to its fullest.
You should be living your life .
Grandma has had her life . Grandma’s illness should not be dictating your life .
You need to work , save money , have a social life etc .
Read other threads here where grandchildren’s lives were ruined because they were duped into giving up their life to caregiving meanwhile the grandchildren’s parents and aunts and uncles were free . These grandchildren were stuck in horrific caregiving situations with no help and became unemployable .
You are lucky that you have a mother who relieved you of this . Get a job , date , etc . LIVE . You can visit grandma .
Visit her and enjoy being her granddaughter not her 24/7 caregiver.
Your mother saved both you and your grandmother. You should be thanking her, as she obviously loves you both, instead of questioning her decision.