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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mom is in stage 5 alh. My sibling believe she should be put somewhere as well. But for as long as I can do and provide for her in her home I won't allow it.
Without knowing the situation (your Mom's needs and finances) it's hard to offer any ideas. I will say though, I've reevaluated this question in terms of my Mother's recent failings. My personal thoughts at this time (and subject to change) would be to opt for round the clock caregivers as long as the medical situation doesn't require more trained staff and as long as finances are available.
Not having more information, what comes to mind is if you are willing to do everything required to take care of her at home then do as you wish.Not knowing your moms situation and how much care she needs it is up to you to decide if you can do this very hard, demanding,24/7 job. Wishing you well with your choice. Let us hear from you again
See Sherrie309's comments in the thread "I feel like I am cracking under the pressure of caring for my elderly mother. I’ve given up my life and feel resentful. I need help." for background information which is toward the more recent comments on that thread.
Sherrie, do you have the financial stability to let her stay with you? Would it work out for her to stay with you and yours? Are you and your household committed to giving her all the care she will need? Do you have all the safety equipment around your home that elderly people need? She may be doing well for a couple of years yet, but later on things get complicated. If these answers are "no", just be there for her! Visit her every chance you get wherever she is.
I think the statement "I just can't" needs to be looked at. Not only is there way not enough information in your story for other people to respond helpfully to it, but also you need to figure out what's driving you. Unexamined drives like trying to be a saint or acting out of fear for your own future (people bargain with the universe -- "I'll break my neck for someone else now and then someone else will do it for me" or whatever) can do a lot of damage, and not necessarily be the most generous thing for the person you think you're caring for. If you want to be kind, think about everyone in the picture. "Can't" is a dangerously black-and-white, and likely self-driven, kind of response.
You really need to talk to someone face to face on what both your AND your mother's situation is. As everyone has said, it's so hard to give advice when we don't have enough information.
If you can find someone who doesn't have an interest in the situation, like someone with your local council on aging or perhaps the social worker at whatever hospital she has been at. The gal's who run the office at your mom's physician might be a good resource for who to talk to. Believe me they probably know several counseleors or social workers whom patients interface with. It will be good to have someone more impartial or non-judgemental than family, neighbors or close friends can be,
Mom might need to be evaluated by a social worker before she gets accepted in a facility IF you go that route. So you just might be ahead if you do this.
Why not have a sibling meeting and get everyone's input? What does Mom want? What is best for her? What is best for you? Why do your wishes override your siblings? My Mother wants to go into a nursing home when the time comes, she says she doesn't want to stay with her kids. We have been very good to her but that is her choice. I think all siblings should have a voice, some seem to think only one sibling should run the show. If you take over, this could cause resentment. It always works out better when all have a voice. I speak from experience. No one likes it when one person just takes over, then some will naturally step out of the picture. Think about it.
Have you tried seeking relief with an adult day center? Your mom could have some fun with others, and you could get some time to yourself. Adult day care is very inexpensive compared to in-home nursing care, and your mom would be engaged and well supervised. www.nadsa.org will give you some centers near you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you can find someone who doesn't have an interest in the situation, like someone with your local council on aging or perhaps the social worker at whatever hospital she has been at. The gal's who run the office at your mom's physician might be a good resource for who to talk to. Believe me they probably know several counseleors or social workers whom patients interface with. It will be good to have someone more impartial or non-judgemental than family, neighbors or close friends can be,
Mom might need to be evaluated by a social worker before she gets accepted in a facility IF you go that route. So you just might be ahead if you do this.
Good luck.
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