My parents wished for me to get the home as a life estate and didn't put it in the will because they feared the IRS would get because I owed over $100,000.00 to them when I became disabled and had to go on disability. My Mother told everyone in the community they knew and all the family members that this was their wishes. They had a Will drawn up in 2000 and in 2005 my sister made them see their attorney to draft a knew Will. They didn't want to but was told if they didn't, she was not going to help her with her ADL's any longer. My brother found out after the new Will was drafted and he bullied my parents into seeing his attorney and drafted another Will. My sister remained Administrator and spent over $150,000.00 on her luxury items and her and my brother split $30,000.00 she claimed was left. Do i have any remedy?
The expenses of the executor will be within documents submitted to the court. There could be documents regarding costs of care as well. If probate has closed and judge has ordered distribution to be be via the terms of the will, then it's over.
If your mom was competent & cognitive she could change her will via a codicil. Her promises to you were just that a promise. If she was concerned that your 100K debt would jeapordize your ownership of the house, the house could have been willed to you via a trust or a usafruct to you (but owned by another) for the rest of your life to get around your debt. Also, it could well be that her costs of care used a substantial amount of her assets. Average NH is 92K a year & that is just the room & board charges. Costs of care are staggering.
The emotional toll it takes on the caretakers is not repayable . Time spend comf ting them through night is bad dreams, night crying, tantrums and thinking people are after them creates night after night of not sleep. Changing their diapers, cleaning their poop and wiping up the messes on the rugs on chair and everywhere they sit. Walking them so they do not get bedsores and massaging them so that their blood continues to flow and the thankless people who call and tell you they cannot come visit because they have a nail appointment or because they have to work or on vacations is hurtful and insensitive. So if the money is all gone for their care, and even a cent is left. Even though I do not plan on touching Mom house money or anything of hers, I still feel that why is it that the non caretakers seem to feel entitled to anything that is left? I think that is just selfish.
I don't know your situation so I can't just judge, but in my case If I had a say so I would love that Mom in her will left all her assets to her church rather than left it to any of us. Why because at the end of you life those who help should do it because they want to. To for what is left. And if there is a need to use someone's assets to care for them and someone cannot afford to do it without using those assets, then that is what makes most sense.