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It's really hard. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Mom was sentimental and so am I. So, I decided the best way for me was to try to be practical and logical.

1. Any clothing in poor shape was tossed. The rest were donated.
(other than the two shirts that were used for the Memory Bear, as lealonnie1 recommends.)
2. All of her blankets and throws were washed and donated to an animal rescue.
3. Books went to the library for their annual Book Sale.
4. Kitchen items. (Very hard for me!) Scratched up, dented, icky old kitchenware was tossed. Older but unneeded were donated to a Homeless Shelter's Thrift Shop. What I used & liked was kept.
4. Photos in frames. Took them out of their frames, put the photos in plastic totes and put them in the closet. Frames (outdated) were donated. Some were tossed.
5. Misc. decorative items. I kept her favorites that gave me joy in my decor. The rest were donated.
6. Some things I had a hard time with!!! Those items, I set out for awhile and go about my daily life. If looking at them annoyed me after a few days because they're not my style - off they go to the Thrift Shop.
7. I donated all of her leftover medical/incontinent supplies to the local Senior Center. They were thrilled to have them. Lots of unopened bandages, etc. Anything clean, new and unused.
8. And I made sure her Medical Equipment (Hoyer Lift, Hospital Bed, etc) went back to the rental company ASAP, as they were so large and took up so much space.
9. I kept her favorite hospital bedside table, as it's so practical. Other furniture I didn't really like were donated. Scheduled a pick up and away it went!

I know this is long. Hope this helps. Make sure what you keep sparks joy. Either you like it, have great memories with it, or it's practical.

And, yes! Some of it (actually most of it, hurt a lot to do - but, I couldn't keep everything. Didn't have the room.)
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Reply to QuiltedBear
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Good ideas already. I’ll add that I’ve really found having my mom’s possessions doesn’t heal the wound of missing her, it’s the person I miss, not her stuff. Many of the items I initially brought home, I’ve now donated. It’s very true younger generations don’t value old things for the most part. I also read the little book “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” a fun and quick read on what could be a dark topic. It’s all about not leaving your mess behind when you die, therefore paring down, getting rid of access, and not burdening your children when you’re gone. It caused me to clean out a lot, and still keep on as an ongoing process. In the end it’s all just stuff, relationships matter far more.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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funkygrandma59 Jul 25, 2024
Amen, Daughter1930. No one wants to be left with a mess of stuff to have to go through when a loved one dies.
It's just STUFF, and will never replace memories with our loved ones.
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Zebracat, what I did was swap out items. Example, my folks had some really nice table lamps, so I donated my own lamps and am using their lamps.


My Mom had several small nicely colored china custard bowls, so I swapped out the old tins I was using for paper clips, etc. with the bowls.


I brought home a few handmade bookcases that my Dad made, and donated my own nothing-special bookcases.


As I sit at my computer, I see the brass flamingo bookends (with green felt underneath) my folks had since I was in grade school, those bookends I am using. They feel special.


After I took what I could use in my own home, then the rest of their household became easier. I found a place that has a yearly rummage sale where the proceeds are used for scholarships, so the fine china and glassware, jewelry, gently worn clothing went there. Goodwill and the Salvation Army took the furniture. Other items in excellent condition went to thrift shops.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Sorry for the loss of your Mom! My Mom passed 10 years ago, and I only kept a turquoise ring I had given my Mom many years ago - she never took it off. Now I wear it daily! My husband passed away last year and I kept his wedding ring and some other personal sacred items for his altar. Our adult kids & grandkids all kept whatever they wanted, and I donated the rest of my husband's clothing and other items to a local church. In my forward thinking I wanted to downsize as much as possible because when My Dad is gone I plan to sell my big home and buy some land where our family will build a compound, and I'll buy myself a tiny home - close enough to my Sons to feel safe - yet far enough away on our property to not feel like they have to fuss over me lol. Plus, there's no way I want my kids to have to deal with tons of personal mementos I've kept over the years, smaller footprint! Too much guilt for them lol My Best Wishes to You!
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Reply to Mamacrow
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I have no good answers for that but feel your pain when I look around at my mom's house.

I myself don't like clutter, and have plenty of stuff of my own.

I heard in Sweden the elderly clean out there clutter, with the family before death. I wish Americans did this.

Best of luck.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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When in doubt, wait. Works everytime. You may revisit what you packed and decide what you will keep and what to donate at a later date.

I made the mistake and gave away my mother's silver fox collar coat to her sister. My aunt gave it to her daughter and it was accidentally placed in a dumpster. Don't be to hasty to give things away to distant relatives that you can keep for yourself.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Zebracat, I am so sorry for your loss.

If it is fairly recent, maybe taking some time to get over the loss can help you decide what really matters and makes you smile.

I didn't look at my dad's stuff for 4 months and that really helped me to sort through the stuff. I ended up with a bankers box full of things that I wanted to keep, then a couple years later I was able to let some other things go, I have enough of my own stuff just being stored in my home, so I didn't want his stuff taking space I don't have. I just wanted things that made me smile when I saw them and remembered my dad.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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My mom passed away four months ago. We owned two side-by-side townhouses. I have moved into mom’s since it is the nicer end unit and am in the process of selling mine. It has taken me constant work practically from the day she died to get to this point. I had to go through her things, trash, donate, sell or save. Her funeral was two months after her death and by that point I had cleared out a lot of stuff and sorted out a selection of her things that I thought family members might like to keep. I put them around my house for them to browse through when they were here. Everyone had a chance to take things that were useful or meaningful to them. It’s been nonstop since and my house is cleared out for sale and mom’s house is now full of my things and some of hers. It feels a bit over-stuffed to be honest, but it’ll do for now. In maybe six months or a year I‘ll do another sort through to lighten the load.
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Reply to TopsailJanet
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Take its picture to keep and look at, but donate or toss the item itself.
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Reply to Fawnby
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It is a difficult decision when the death is so fresh in your mind. These decisions are one of the reasons I, at 81, not only have a death book with all information in it, but have also already given away almost everything. I have some photos but have torn down the albums and filed them and left a note to look once and toss. My kids have more than enough of their OWN stuff. Yes, my poetry, anything I wrote of any consequence I saved and they can read and toss. But other than that I am getting rid of things. I cannot take them with me and they are but a burden to my kids. I pass by anything they may want. Great Grandfather's German stein? No thanks. No takers. The cut glass? Not their thing. So I can feel free to pass these things on where they will be loved, and lessen the burden of all that needs to be handled. This is just "stuff". It isn't our loved ones. They are memories.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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