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How do I cope with anger and despair? I hate him. The disease gets worse and worse. He keeps talking to scammers, giving them info. Will not stop driving. Just Nasty. I am speaking to therapist, not help me cope. I am barely eating or sleeping anymore. Every day is a tragic chore. Stomach in knots. Dread going home. Even the dogs pick up his negative energy and get upset.

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Disable his CAR before he kills an innocent person, and then see an elder care lawyer about splitting your assets before he gives them all away to scammers. In fact, get all the funds out of the accounts and into new ones he has no access to, if they're joint. THEN talk to the lawyer about what to do next. Call 911 if you feel in jeopardy. Tell the EMS people he's threatening your life. A psych hold is warranted.

Good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to lealonnie1
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HI chyron - I'm so sorry to hear what you're going thru. It's good that you're seeing a therapist to navigate thru this very difficult time. If you can also seek a support group with others dealing with a similar situation, that could provide some comfort w/the feelings of anger and despair. You're definitely not alone in this.

Also, your husband isn't in a position to call the shots, and it's important to be proactive in terms of changing your bank accounts to new accounts that he doesn't have access to - in order to avoid scammers. If your husband doesn't have the account information, he can't relay it to future scammers.

Also, in your profile, you stated that your husband has Alzheimer's -he continues to drive - he's had multiple recent accidents - and he has NO insurance! This is an exact Formula for a potential tragedy to occur. And your knowledge of all of these facts and remaining complicit and passive in keeping this as is will make you an Accessory - and an accomplice if he injures or kills someone while still driving. You will be held just as responsible - you can be civilly sued as well ...it's like going down a rabbit-hole of problems.

Whatever you need to do - get rid of the car, take his keys, etc - blame it on his doctor, the authorities, whatever way is easiest for you to stop his driving ....it has to be done - and immediately.

Wishing you much peace of mind and solace ~
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Reply to Hopeforhelp22
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I hope and pray that you are your husbands POA, and that it is the kind that was activated the day it was signed. Otherwise, get his doctors to declare him incompetent so you can activate your POA and can get him placed sooner than later.
He is no longer safe at home, nor are you. And for Gods sake, PLEASE don't let him continue to drive. Disable his care today, slash his tires or whatever.
Someone driving with dementia is the same as someone driving drunk or high on drugs and it's not fair to all the innocent drivers out there who may be hurt or killed by him because of his poor judgement behind the wheel.
If he were to get in a bad accident and it's discovered that he has dementia, he can be sued and he and you will lose everything. This is serious.
I know that you are feeling overwhelmed right now, but his driving has to stop today!!!
And next time you feel threatened by him, call 911 and have him taken to the ER. Once there you let the hospital social worker know that he cannot return home because he is an unsafe discharge and that you no longer care for him.
They will then have to get him placed in the appropriate facility.
You need to do a whole lot more than just talking to a therapist. You need to close all his credit/debit cards, and just have cards in your name, and do NOT give him access to them.
You also need to educate yourself more about this horrific disease of dementia, because you're right, it does and will only get worse and worse. That's just a sad fact.
And then look for a local caregivers support group for folks caring for someone with dementia. My local group that meets weekly literally saved my life when I was caring for my late husband.
If you are not careful and don't start taking better care of yourself you will be in the statistic of 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia dying before their loved one from stress related issues.
Please don't let that be you.
Disable the car today, call an elder attorney first thing Monday morning to get your finances figured out and start looking into different memory care facilities in your area.
You can do this. You just have to start being more proactive.
Best wishes and God bless.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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My mom went through a similar situation. I called my brother and convinced him to come and take the car away, which he did. As it turns out, dad’s license had been suspended and he lied to us about it. His doctor stated he should not drive.
If someone can help you get the car away, take them up on it.
Also, if there is a separate facility your husband can move to, investigate that. There are some programs for veterans which cover a portion of the cost.
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Reply to Jadebonterra
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