Advice please. 83 year old father refuses to retire although his physical health is deteriorated he is still mentally competent to perform as a plumber and sculpture artist. He feels he can't retire to care for two adult mentally disabled children; an adopted special needs niece and her schizophrenic adult daughter. If something happens to him, the girls are not capable of caring for him or themselves in their large messy home. He is invited to live with his son and I, but insists on staying in his unpaid for home and caring for the girls. He has almost lost his drivers license from accidents and the girls rely on their church members for rides. They have jobs and get Social Security Disability. The father gets Social Security and self-employed income but his health is rapidly deteriorating with age. What can we do to help him and the girls to have a better quality of life?
I agree with Margaret and JoAnn that their future interests are your starting point. Can your husband work with their caseworker(s) to come up with a package that will address everyone's needs?
Dad may feel that caring for these women is what gives his life meaning. He may feel that without them, he will lose any purpose in life at all. It’s unreasonable for sure. But if he’s still competent to make his own decisions, you can’t force him to change his way of living. The driving does concern me, though. Something tragic and traumatic could happen to him or an innocent person out on the road. This is one thing that should be non-negotiable. Feet will have to be put down about his driving.
Sad to say, but you may need to wait until Dad has a medical issue and may be hospitalized. If there is no one in charge of what happens to these women, it may be up to you to research group homes or other accommodations for them...and for Dad as well. Good luck.