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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You are human. Nothing will change that. You have limitations and cannot do it all. Breathe. You are not failing your parents. You are doing what you can and probably more. You are a huge blessing to your parents. Listen to Elizabeth. She knows.
This is the 64 Million Dollar Question. I can only tell you what I've figured out so far, after two years and eight months of caregiving. I always feel like there must be more and better answers to the question--answers that I haven't yet had the imagination/empathy/intelligence to see. But maybe not. Yesterday my father moved into assisted living. Today I'm wandering around our empty-feeling house, crying and wondering who I am now and whether I really did all I could have done.
Well.
1. Get all the help you can. Siblings, friends, organizations, kind strangers... This sounds crazy, but I used to turn away from some offers of help just *because* I felt so isolated. I thought, "This person has no idea what my life is like now, they don't understand me, so I don't want them around." One example was a close friend who always used to say, "Tell me when you can sneak away for a while, and we'll go do something fun." She didn't understand that I didn't *want* to "sneak away", that I was caring for my Dad because he is my heart and I love him more than anything in the world. Caregiving wasn't some chore that was being imposed on me, that I wanted to wriggle out of whenever possible. And she was mistaken to think that being away from him meant I could switch off my feelings and just have fun.
Later I realized that my friend didn't 'get' what caregiving is really like, and she didn't understand how I felt--but that didn't mean she couldn't offer support. She could help me with errands, sit with Dad for 2 hours so I could go to the dentist, bring over food when I was too exhausted to cook. She could joke around with me. And sometimes we could go do 'fun' things like see a movie or go out for coffee, even though she didn't understand exactly how I felt about it.
2. Try to take at least an hour for yourself every day. People will tell you to do things that "recharge" you, like going to the gym or listening to music without interruption. The truth is, those things won't really be enough to recharge you. You will feel bone-tired, even after 8 hours' sleep. But still, taking that hour to focus on yourself *will* help. The activities are good in themselves, plus they'll help you remember who you are, apart from your role as a caregiver.
3. Try to be present in the moment. It's hard, but try to avoid taking on responsibility for this whole year or week, or even the whole day. Do your best with the moment you're coping with right now. Of course on some level you have to plan and organize for tomorrow, but do what you can to let yourself off that hook. Read books by John Kabat-Zinn.
4. If there's something creative that you can work on within the limitations of your current life-situation, do it. That probably means something that you can do alone. Write, paint, play guitar...
5. Talk with someone who knows you well, and who appreciates all the stuff you've achieved so far in your life. Have conversations about those things. The goal is to remember that there is more to you than just the caregiver that you are now. Your current life situation doesn't define who you are.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are not failing your parents. You are doing what you can and probably more. You are a huge blessing to your parents.
Listen to Elizabeth. She knows.
Well.
1. Get all the help you can. Siblings, friends, organizations, kind strangers... This sounds crazy, but I used to turn away from some offers of help just *because* I felt so isolated. I thought, "This person has no idea what my life is like now, they don't understand me, so I don't want them around." One example was a close friend who always used to say, "Tell me when you can sneak away for a while, and we'll go do something fun." She didn't understand that I didn't *want* to "sneak away", that I was caring for my Dad because he is my heart and I love him more than anything in the world. Caregiving wasn't some chore that was being imposed on me, that I wanted to wriggle out of whenever possible. And she was mistaken to think that being away from him meant I could switch off my feelings and just have fun.
Later I realized that my friend didn't 'get' what caregiving is really like, and she didn't understand how I felt--but that didn't mean she couldn't offer support. She could help me with errands, sit with Dad for 2 hours so I could go to the dentist, bring over food when I was too exhausted to cook. She could joke around with me. And sometimes we could go do 'fun' things like see a movie or go out for coffee, even though she didn't understand exactly how I felt about it.
2. Try to take at least an hour for yourself every day. People will tell you to do things that "recharge" you, like going to the gym or listening to music without interruption. The truth is, those things won't really be enough to recharge you. You will feel bone-tired, even after 8 hours' sleep. But still, taking that hour to focus on yourself *will* help. The activities are good in themselves, plus they'll help you remember who you are, apart from your role as a caregiver.
3. Try to be present in the moment. It's hard, but try to avoid taking on responsibility for this whole year or week, or even the whole day. Do your best with the moment you're coping with right now. Of course on some level you have to plan and organize for tomorrow, but do what you can to let yourself off that hook. Read books by John Kabat-Zinn.
4. If there's something creative that you can work on within the limitations of your current life-situation, do it. That probably means something that you can do alone. Write, paint, play guitar...
5. Talk with someone who knows you well, and who appreciates all the stuff you've achieved so far in your life. Have conversations about those things. The goal is to remember that there is more to you than just the caregiver that you are now. Your current life situation doesn't define who you are.
Hope this helps. I wish you peace.
-elizabeth