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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Find someone YOU trust that is their contemporary. Our elders sometimes find it difficult to tell 'us' their problems, and even more difficult to listen to US tell them THEIR problems. It could be denial, it could deminished capacity, or it just could be stubborn behavior.
It sounds like you have your parent's best interest at heart, but it may take some intervention for them to understand that. Try to find someone that BOTH of you trust to have a discussion with about their 'future' that you can involve? Talk to this person before hand, and list the 'situations' you would like to have addressed.
Contact 'elder services' in your area about the best way to handle specific needs. Gently introduce these suggestions into supportive conversations a step at a time.
It isn't easy trying to help, but the effort is well worth it.
Ask the relatives who are employed to brief you on the chain of command in the company, which I assume is a small business and not a public company. Someone like the Treasurer may be empowered to block the drawdown on the line of credit.
Also found out who the corporate counsel is. Improperly using a corporate line of credit could be an event of default and could jeopardize the entire line of credit. Counsel or someone needs to stop this before the mortgagee becomes aware of it and declares a default and accelerates the indebtedness, which might also drive the company into bankruptcy.
Also ask the family members and counsel how to change signatories on the line of credit.
There's another post here about a gold digger scamming a grandfather, as well as other posts on this topic. You might find some additional suggestions by reading how others were advised to address this unfortunate situation, especially the post about the grandfather under siege by his scamming "friend".
Thank you. That is, I'm sure, such a good approach. One of them has been making the appt. with a financial advisor, the other cancels them, because she's afraid what is being done. Oh my! And I am in the dark about it. Your advice sounds so wise. Thanks again.
Kim15555 - Talk to your father's legal counsel about your concerns before he runs the company into the ground. It may be illegal for him to use company line of credit for personal use, so this is not something to ignore and hope goes away. The fact that he is not having these thought processes is a big fat red blinking light to me. It depends on what kind of company it is, but you may also find help at the Better Business Bureau or Small Business Administration. This is a tale as old as time unfortunately. I hope there have been some safety precautions put in place before now to stop damage by a manipulative outsider.
Secondly, the one who holds the durable power of attorney holds the keys to the kingdom. If that's wifey, then you, his children, will need an attorney to proceed.
I just looked at your message board and you mention you may be already dealing with dementia. You'd best get busy. A previous comment was about trust. Do they trust you? A sibling? So many families are financially disfunctional with relatives that are just waiting to swop in and take advantage. Once the evil granddaughter is in granny's house sucking her dry it's hard to get her out.
I appealed to my folks that they trusted me, I'm fine, don't need your money, and remember what a mess you had with uncle Bob? Had to get guardianship to protect his assets from his drinking buddies? Do you want to put me through that? So I was able to get a broad POA, updated wills, and end of life documents. I then spent months tracking down all the finances that dad had been moving around all over the place and making a big friggin mess of. Finally, imwasvablebto get Dad to sign the paperwork making me signatory to the checking and savings accounts just before the utilities were cut off due to unpaid bills. For the signatory stuff I used JUST IN CASE SOMETHING EVER HAPPENS TO YOU GUYS. Well, it had already happened, but that worked and I got control just in the nick of time.
My husband and I found that "the talk" with my parents went better when we also talked about OUR need to think about writing out our will, living will instructions, etc. ......that it wasn't just for them to do. This helped them to accept the fact that they had to face these important issues.
Another tip I read somewhere (which we followed) was to not let these issues "die away".....to keep bringing them up from time to time, so that your parents will know that you mean business.
Marigold, I like Anne's comment about not letting the subject drop. As your folks age it only gets harder to get this stuff done. If you end up as caregiver for them it will be a nightmare if you don't have POA and their affairs in order. My patents, mostly Dad who was in beginning stage of dementia, wouldn't do anything until after my younger sister died suddenly. This was a wake up call to them. Due to his dementia it has been a struggle to get control of finances and all their affairs in order but 5 years later I'm in pretty good shape. Get prepared for your "Long Game".
it sounds like when the 1 person makes the appt w/ a financial advisor, the other shouldn't even know about it. ever try secretiveness??? sometimes it pays 2 b secretive.
My father is 83 years old and has a girlfriend that is 57. He has been very rude to his own children and ignores the fact that this women has used older men in the past. She keeps him from us and has convinced him to buy a very expensive home in Florida. His family home is in Ohio. He has spent what money he a saved over the years and is now borrowing against the company Line of Credit to keep his girlfriend close. He has gone through a substantial amount of money in 2 years and has depleted his 401k and any investment (annuities) he had. He is retired and still owns a manufacturing company that still employs 17 guys including a daughter, grandson, and son. He is borrowing money from the line of credit the company has, but it is jeopardizing the finances of the company. He is very stubborn and will not listen to anyone. Any thoughts?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It sounds like you have your parent's best interest at heart, but it may take some intervention for them to understand that. Try to find someone that BOTH of you trust to have a discussion with about their 'future' that you can involve? Talk to this person before hand, and list the 'situations' you would like to have addressed.
Contact 'elder services' in your area about the best way to handle specific needs. Gently introduce these suggestions into supportive conversations a step at a time.
It isn't easy trying to help, but the effort is well worth it.
Also found out who the corporate counsel is. Improperly using a corporate line of credit could be an event of default and could jeopardize the entire line of credit. Counsel or someone needs to stop this before the mortgagee becomes aware of it and declares a default and accelerates the indebtedness, which might also drive the company into bankruptcy.
Also ask the family members and counsel how to change signatories on the line of credit.
There's another post here about a gold digger scamming a grandfather, as well as other posts on this topic. You might find some additional suggestions by reading how others were advised to address this unfortunate situation, especially the post about the grandfather under siege by his scamming "friend".
https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=golddigger+scams
It depends on what kind of company it is, but you may also find help at the Better Business Bureau or Small Business Administration. This is a tale as old as time unfortunately. I hope there have been some safety precautions put in place before now to stop damage by a manipulative outsider.
Secondly, the one who holds the durable power of attorney holds the keys to the kingdom. If that's wifey, then you, his children, will need an attorney to proceed.
I appealed to my folks that they trusted me, I'm fine, don't need your money, and remember what a mess you had with uncle Bob? Had to get guardianship to protect his assets from his drinking buddies? Do you want to put me through that? So I was able to get a broad POA, updated wills, and end of life documents. I then spent months tracking down all the finances that dad had been moving around all over the place and making a big friggin mess of. Finally, imwasvablebto get Dad to sign the paperwork making me signatory to the checking and savings accounts just before the utilities were cut off due to unpaid bills. For the signatory stuff I used JUST IN CASE SOMETHING EVER HAPPENS TO YOU GUYS. Well, it had already happened, but that worked and I got control just in the nick of time.
Another tip I read somewhere (which we followed) was to not let these issues "die away".....to keep bringing them up from time to time, so that your parents will know that you mean business.