I got a letter from my sister saying that moms memory isnt good and her doctor told me her memory is fine and if she socializes more it will stay that way. What do I do. She lives in California and I live in Colorado with my mom. I am getting so tired of this. Pami
I would listen to the doctor and your own personal observation of Mom. Ignore sister. It is hard for sister not being there to help but she needs to be supportive of you! She probably means well but you are the day to day person. Your opinion is the only one that counts.
Good luck.
You might first tell her (if you already haven't) that:
(a) You're with Mom on a daily basis and don't see the same issues,
(b) Exactly why and based on what observations has she arrived at her memory conclusions, and
(c) Exactly what she anticipates could be done, given that she's in California, Mom and her doctors and you are here. Is she planning to come here to help care for Mom?
Turn the tables on her and let her help with the mental tasks of caring.
My feeling is that when family complains about some aspect of care provided by the caregiver, they need to be prepared to step up to the plate and contribute.
who would be a little fuzzy when you first awaken, but then after she eats breakfast she is fine.I am trying to make my mom happy for as long as she lives. Mean time I have high blood pressure and hypertension and I have had a seizure. I am on medication for both. She wants to put my mom in a assisted living and my mom doesnt want to go. She is fine and she is on medical alert.No she isn't planning to come here and take care of mom. She has also said she doesn't trust me. I have my moms best interest at heart
Tell your sister to call your mom at a later time if she's calling her too early. When I wake my mom up from a nap (when I call her), you'd think she'd been drinking. She slurs her words and is totally out of it until she fully wakes up. She's 94 and has no short-term memory, but can still function in independent living.
I would even go so far as to recommend that you discuss your mother's situation either by e-mail or texting (if you do texting) and keep these kinds of discussions by phone to a minium. I just have this uncomfortable feeling that your sister has her own agenda and you could be hurt or damaged in some way in the long run.
I know of a situation when sisters documented each other's activities with their mother - one of them was trying to prove she was a better daughter and constantly undercut her own sister's actions and attempt to help.
These kinds of situations can give vicous. "Watch your six!"
And, as noted above, maybe you better make sure to pre-emptively get the POA papers in order if they aren't, with you as POA presuming that's what you want.
Your sister's view, I suppose, is that if your mother were already in residential care then it wouldn't matter. I know you've got the medic alert, so that would help with emergencies, but what about temporary cover if you're ill? Would it help you and your mother, and might it cheer your sister up, if you had a contingency plan in place?