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Call the executive director first thing and discuss.
Is the arrangement with the NH that no one except those on the list can take her out? Is your mother able to express her wishes to go with someone or not?
If this outing went outside the agreed care/support plan for your mother, what we would do would be to fill in an Incident Report. The information in the report would include:
date time place (or places, if you know where the person took your mother) people involved (for example: your mother, the visitor who took her out, any staff members your mother and the visitor saw or spoke to) what happened what resulted what action is required
Does that start you off? Then you approach whoever is in charge of your mother's care and discuss how to avoid problems in future. I hope nothing negative happened this time, anyway.
The nurse at the nursing home let her go without checking the family n friends list that could take her out of the nursing home, I am her DPOA n mine name is there n the other Acting DPOA if I can’t do it . This is the second time this has happened it was in November, so I called it to the nursing home attention n made sure the papers where in order again. It was her other daughters that took her out but they knew their names was not on there to being with so I am not sure why r what happened. I just want the safety for my mother due to she is legally blind n she dose not walk anymore, she is a fall risk n has fall many times before . The others daughters have noting to do with me ,and haven’t seen mother in some months. I don’t keep them from seeing her they choose not to . So the next step is to get weigh the nursing home I am sure. I found out by the social media ( Facebook ) that they took her out, now isn’t that something ??!
So, what happened was that your mother's daughters - whom you accuse of not visiting their mother without having a valid excuse for not visiting - visited her and took her out, despite their not being listed as authorized by you.
And your mother had a nice time and came back safe and well? - or so we can assume, given that the first you heard of the trip was when you saw it on Facebook.
By and large, and of course depending on what it says in your documentation, DPOA would not give you a right to impose restrictions on your mother beyond what is proportionate to any risk to her wellbeing. You say you don't stop them seeing her, but you also shouldn't stop her going out unnecessarily.
What did the Nursing Home say when the issue came up last November?
But it is family. Why are you not allowing them to take their mom out?
Some people just can not cope with a nursing home environment.
If my sibling used their POA power to do what you are trying, it would be a serious war.
Twice they have safely taken her out to spend time, what exactly is the problem?
My brother lived 3 miles away from our dad, never visited until he moved near me. 450 miles. The facility asked me if I wanted to stop him from visiting and/or taking our dad out. Uh, no. It's his son and if he wants to see him and go out, let him go. Their relationship is NONE of my business, unless my dad is in real danger. Which actually ended up being an issue before my dad died. I didn't have to become involved because my Dad said, no more contact. Done and done.
I'm going to say it again, so pardon me. You (the agent) whom the principal (in this case your mother) has given powers of attorney owes your mother a duty of loyalty. This means that you have to act in the highest degree of good faith in your mother's best interests, not your own. What is the reason for excluding or including people on the list? Is it in your mother's best interests to limit who can take her outside the facility? I recommend you give some thought to who is on the list and who is not and whether your choices really further your mother's interests. That being said, I would talk to the facility manager about this. If you have an agreement that only those on the list can take your mother out, you need to reiterate that they follow this list. You might also agree that if someone arrives to take her out who is not on the list they call you first.
Is your Mom rational and capable of making a decision whether she wishes to go on an outing or not? Have you discussed this with the NH? And what did they say? We need details on this in order to give you better advise. Best to you.
No, she is not she don’t know what year this r day r even at times she don’t know who I am , n if she eats breakfast r lunchroom what ever. She lived with my husband n I for 4 years after my father died in 2017 n she just got to falling n not wanting to eat n kept getting a UTI, she just was going down n need more care that I couldn’t give. She also was trying to get out of the house n it wasn’t safe for her, as I knew this due to I was a CNA for hospice for 18 years n quit my job to stay home with after my dad passed due to the other daughters said to me “ we have a life” . At that time mother wasn’t nursing home appropriate n was doing good . So yes this has been every emotional physical n mental for me , just want my mother to be safe n get the care see needs.😭. My mother is on a memory unit that is code locked due she would be flight risk of getting out n not knowing where she was going r doing . She keeps telling them she calling the police on them n pressing charges on them if they do not give her a cigarette, yes she smoke. She had vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s. They let her smoke 1 cigarette at smoke times but she forgets she smokes just minutes after she comes back in from smoking n get mad n angry.
So did you make up a list excluding family, who you disagree with, and mom isn’t in on the exclusion? Did mom know she wasn’t allowed to see who you didn’t put on the ok list? She may have been thrilled to see them.
I have very differing opinions from my POA, full time, caregiving youngest sister. My deepest fear is that she could decide to blacklist me, from my mom and dad, cause I read earlier in this post, that if she says I make them anxious, paranoid, whatever, grounds for my dismissal, and now I’m not on the “get to see them” list. So far I’ve kept 90% of my opinions, thoughts, concerns, to myself, cause there is no communication in our family. It isn’t worth upsetting anyone, cause mom and dad are content. I’ve helped when asked, stayed away when they locked down, done what I could to help, which has honestly been, no help wanted. Took the Savvy Caregiving Classes cause I was told by the hateful third down sister, if I didn’t, I would have no say in my parent’s care. Guess what? I’ve had no say anyways, and those classes are what brought to my attention why I have concerns! That was well over two years ago. We aren’t anywhere near the toughest of times in our memory loss journey.
Sometimes one child is given all the power, and amazingly, the other siblings comply. Why? We know our parents wishes. If my parents ever end up in a facility, and I’m not on the visitor list, I may be too exhausted, after years of trying to be there for everyone, to fight it. I ‘m not sure what my reaction would be. I’ve fought nothing, scared to upset my sister. I always wish there was the other side chiming in on these threads.
No I didn’t not exclude anyone they can see n visit with her just not take her out ,and my mother don’t know what goes on . She don’t know me at times n more dynamics that I don’t want to get in to
You do not tell us WHY you are keeping your Mom's "other daughters" from taking her for outings. You say there is more to the story and you don't care to go into that. I really don't have much to say about a story I am missing the facts on. But I do wish you good luck.
Are you afraid the daughters would take her out and not bring her back? As CM, being DPOA does not mean you can keep her daughters away unless...they cause her anxiety or are detrimental to her wellbeing.
I do think you do have a complaint though. They are not on the list. And because of this, you should have been called if Mom is incompetent to make the decision to go with them.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is the arrangement with the NH that no one except those on the list can take her out? Is your mother able to express her wishes to go with someone or not?
If this outing went outside the agreed care/support plan for your mother, what we would do would be to fill in an Incident Report. The information in the report would include:
date
time
place (or places, if you know where the person took your mother)
people involved (for example: your mother, the visitor who took her out, any staff members your mother and the visitor saw or spoke to)
what happened
what resulted
what action is required
Does that start you off? Then you approach whoever is in charge of your mother's care and discuss how to avoid problems in future. I hope nothing negative happened this time, anyway.
It was her other daughters that took her out but they knew their names was not on there to being with so I am not sure why r what happened. I just want the safety for my mother due to she is legally blind n she dose not walk anymore, she is a fall risk n has fall many times before .
The others daughters have noting to do with me ,and haven’t seen mother in some months. I don’t keep them from seeing her they choose not to .
So the next step is to get weigh the nursing home I am sure.
I found out by the social media ( Facebook ) that they took her out, now isn’t that something ??!
And your mother had a nice time and came back safe and well? - or so we can assume, given that the first you heard of the trip was when you saw it on Facebook.
By and large, and of course depending on what it says in your documentation, DPOA would not give you a right to impose restrictions on your mother beyond what is proportionate to any risk to her wellbeing. You say you don't stop them seeing her, but you also shouldn't stop her going out unnecessarily.
What did the Nursing Home say when the issue came up last November?
Some people just can not cope with a nursing home environment.
If my sibling used their POA power to do what you are trying, it would be a serious war.
Twice they have safely taken her out to spend time, what exactly is the problem?
My brother lived 3 miles away from our dad, never visited until he moved near me. 450 miles. The facility asked me if I wanted to stop him from visiting and/or taking our dad out. Uh, no. It's his son and if he wants to see him and go out, let him go. Their relationship is NONE of my business, unless my dad is in real danger. Which actually ended up being an issue before my dad died. I didn't have to become involved because my Dad said, no more contact. Done and done.
Stops the POA sibling from interjecting their personal grievances into what should be done for a parent.
Have you discussed this with the NH? And what did they say?
We need details on this in order to give you better advise.
Best to you.
She lived with my husband n I for 4 years after my father died in 2017 n she just got to falling n not wanting to eat n kept getting a UTI, she just was going down n need more care that I couldn’t give. She also was trying to get out of the house n it wasn’t safe for her, as I knew this due to I was a CNA for hospice for 18 years n quit my job to stay home with after my dad passed due to the other daughters said to me “ we have a life” . At that time mother wasn’t nursing home appropriate n was doing good . So yes this has been every emotional physical n mental for me , just want my mother to be safe n get the care see needs.😭. My mother is on a memory unit that is code locked due she would be flight risk of getting out n not knowing where she was going r doing . She keeps telling them she calling the police on them n pressing charges on them if they do not give her a cigarette, yes she smoke. She had vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s. They let her smoke 1 cigarette at smoke times but she forgets she smokes just minutes after she comes back in from smoking n get mad n angry.
I have very differing opinions from my POA, full time, caregiving youngest sister. My deepest fear is that she could decide to blacklist me, from my mom and dad, cause I read earlier in this post, that if she says I make them anxious, paranoid, whatever, grounds for my dismissal, and now I’m not on the “get to see them” list. So far I’ve kept 90% of my opinions, thoughts, concerns, to myself, cause there is no communication in our family. It isn’t worth upsetting anyone, cause mom and dad are content. I’ve helped when asked, stayed away when they locked down, done what I could to help, which has honestly been, no help wanted. Took the Savvy Caregiving Classes cause I was told by the hateful third down sister, if I didn’t, I would have no say in my parent’s care. Guess what? I’ve had no say anyways, and those classes are what brought to my attention why I have concerns! That was well over two years ago. We aren’t anywhere near the toughest of times in our memory loss journey.
Sometimes one child is given all the power, and amazingly, the other siblings comply. Why? We know our parents wishes. If my parents ever end up in a facility, and I’m not on the visitor list, I may be too exhausted, after years of trying to be there for everyone, to fight it. I ‘m not sure what my reaction would be. I’ve fought nothing, scared to upset my sister. I always wish there was the other side chiming in on these threads.
I really don't have much to say about a story I am missing the facts on. But I do wish you good luck.
I do think you do have a complaint though. They are not on the list. And because of this, you should have been called if Mom is incompetent to make the decision to go with them.