In that question I explained my situation caring for my wife who has a degenerative brain disease and asked what other caregivers did about basically living celibate but still feeling the strong desire for physical intimacy. I received every expected type of response from you're a sex addict and pervert, go to church, get a hobby, snuggle more and find a friend with benefits. I also had a few ladies tell me they wish I lived closer so we could meet each other. So I have struggled with this almost daily since then. But I have finally made the decision that I am no good to anyone, either her or myself, if I am totally and constantly depressed or in a terribly foul mood. I would like to have a lady friend who is in the same situation that I am in, who would like a man friend who would understand when she felt like crying and needed to talk, who would like to occasionally have a meal with a man friend, or a movie. If it progressed into a "friend with benefits" thing I would love that too. I have had zero life for longer than I care to remember now and I need to change that. I can't get away often at this point but sometimes is better than nothing at all. To anyone who will accuse me of using this forum as a dating app, this is the only way I can see to meet someone that is in my same situation. I live in a small town so I can't use a senior app on the computer because I don't want my relatives to ever see it at this point in time. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt my wife.
So here goes, I'm 65 years old. I live close to Peoria, Illinois. If anyone is within a 3 to 4 hour drive one way, that would be close to the maximum distance that I could manage right now. I'm just in tremendous need of female companionship. I was an electrician all my work life. I'm just a normal guy who is so lonely all the time now.
I fully expect all kinds of replies to this, even the super critical ones, but that is just how lonely and desperate I feel right now. I'm actually pretty embarrassed to post this but I am at my wits end.
The End.
Good luck PaddyDaddy. I hope you find what you're looking for and it all works out.
People need to respect Every aspect of Caregiving, yours is a Valid Concern.
Let's Be Gentle with this hard working husband, he needs our support like the rest of us!
ignore his request , it doesnt apply to you .
i fear the ' wrong ' person would get on your nerves in about 10 minutes . 3 minutes of bliss , 7 minutes of extreme regret .
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I think you coming to this forum will really help you out, and thank you for expressing your side of the story!
Me, I could not in good conscious date someone and then go home and care for my DH. Maybe, if they were in LTC with no way they would ever improve? I know in my heart, if this happened to me my DH would be there to the end.
But, none of us know what we would really do in your situation. I have had to eat my words more than once. Caregiving is such a hard job. Not all of us are cut out for it. Maybe your decision should be its time for LTC. Medicaid is there if you need it. As a Community spouse your assets will be split. Her split would be used for her care and when gone u apply for Medicaid. Once she is settled, then u can live ur life.
You may want to try sites such as Plenty of fish (it's free but there are also a lot of people from Nigeria, etc. that post there. They are obviously not looking for a relationship, if you know what I am talking about), Adult friend finder (I had a friend that used AFF because she missed going out with someone and was taking care of her husband that was in a wheelchair) and other sites. You can keep your identity secret on these sites (use a phony name, do a private album of pictures {That only invited people can look at, there are sites that are like that)). I checked out the population of Peoria, it's not big like Chicago, but it's not rural. I don't think you will have a problem running into people that you know.
All I can do is warn you about scammers (on the sites I mentioned above) and wish you the best of luck.
PS: You want companionship and Friends with benefits because you can't do it with your wife anymore. That is completely understandable and no, it doesn't make you a pervert or a pest.